The World of Ice & Liquor

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Re: The World of Ice & Liquor

Postby JamesKPolkerface » Fri Nov 06, 2015 7:58 pm

My word. This is glorious. I'm more excited about Drunkeros now then I've been in quite a while. A-1, 10/10.

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Re: The World of Ice & Liquor

Postby Sugarbolt » Mon Nov 09, 2015 8:16 pm

JamesKPolkerface wrote:My word. This is glorious. I'm more excited about Drunkeros now then I've been in quite a while. A-1, 10/10.

Aw thanks, dude! I'm glad to hear you liked it. :D

Still considering what part of modern Drunkeros society to explore next. Gnoll culture? Hobo-goblins? Wherever it was Tum's home was in that flashback?

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Re: The World of Ice & Liquor

Postby existenceisrelative » Wed Sep 07, 2016 3:42 pm

I wasn't going to post this here, as aside from references it could almost be a completely different world. But by the time i'd finished it, i had put so much work into it that i wanted someone to see it! If anything clashes or just doesn't fit, that could be fine. Anything from this far back doesn't necessarily affect anything in the present.

In the time before times, when the Dales were only beginning to learn how to Reckon. In the ages before wizards took up positions along the coastlines of the world. Back when Mr. & Mrs. The Arcane were expecting their first child. In a time so ancient, even the most learned and fiscally efficient Scholar Diem has only fragmentary knowledge; the world was already old, and great deeds were underway.

What follows is a letter from deep within the archives of the Fuckin' Monastery in the mountains east of Yangahr. It tells a tale of a time nearly forgotten, yet a tale no less relevant today than when it was written.

Addressed to "Magister Tsetseg1. Fu'quin Monastery2, east of Yangahr."

I have made my presentation to the committee3, just as intended. There was some bother, as we waited for word from the scouts. But orcs have begun pouring south through the palurin ando pass4 from the plains of 'ksh-eska5. Just as i knew they would. It would seem your pessimism proved unwarranted, my friend. In less than a week, word came back in the affirmative from all quarters.

The Conjunctive Expeditionary Forces3, despite their uninspired name, are a historic and unprecedented accomplishment in careful wording, vague promises, and other diplomatic arts. Marking the first occasion6 that all the races of the western free marches7 will have banded together. If all parties keep to their word, hopefully it will not be the last.


Human troops from the cities of Tsandosqui9 (slightly bland, but friendly.), Arquinsa10 (smells of chicken), Ms'tuich11 (prone to getting "land-sick" from a bottle), Heroes' Plop12 (a town with an interesting history, currently experiencing a religious revival of sorts.) and even the backwards savages from far away Ginhudah13 (with their barbaric stick-based sports, and tree-fluid based cuisine.) have already arrived. As troops from smaller hamlets and villages14 come in, they will have to be assigned to one of the larger companies.

Already we have engaged the green menace. Though admittedly not in the numbers i expected. Perhaps we have made it in time to stem the flood of evil that threatens us all.


In the most wondrous sight yet, the Stonegirt clan15 of dwarves has arrived at the same location as the Irongirt clan15, and have even agreed (after intense negotiation over positioning and various "honors" each side demanded) not to actively work against each other! The elves by contrast, seemed to almost carefully leak out of the woods and shadows. Just appearing one morning, fully formed. They have since separated into different forces, apparently unbidden and un-lead. Though what each group plans to do in combat is a source of lively speculation in the various camps.

The halflings as ever, appear as though they haven't done anything at all. Were it not for the reassurances of a halfling man by the name of Saldigor Telumbra16, and a very careful accounting during a tour of the camps, i would not be convinced the halflings had joined the fight at all. But with frankly astounding levels of skill and subtlety, they have insinuated themselves throughout the expeditionary forces in numbers that easily rival the dwarves or elves without anyone noticing!

After only a few skirmishes, the orcs have begun to keep their distance. Perhaps they didn't expect such firm resistance in the opening stages of their invasion. Or perhaps they're just cowards.

(I have also been informed that "Palurin Ando" translates roughly as "Gateway to the World" or "World Gate", and that saying "the Palurin Ando pass" is improper usage. I assume that "the plains of 'ksh-eska" is fine, as nothing has been said of that17. And the elves would correct me if given the chance.)


According to our scouts, the orcs will approach in waves. As expected they show no discipline or any inclination towards tactics or strategy. They clump together, apparently working up the courage to advance on our line. At present our best guess numbers them in the thousands. With each clump representing hundreds of orcs. Strangely, no coherent or over-arching structure has been reported. Young and old jumble together with obvious warriors and yet the only infighting appears to be over food. Whatever they're up to, i haven't yet figured it out.

The dwarven clans will hold the wings. Their grit and legendary constitution will serve us well, as they'd no more let an enemy get by them than a Stonegirt would wed an Irongirt! (The fact that the wings will keep the two contentious clans furthest apart is a point no one felt the need to mention during council.)

The elves i have been told, will form the majority of our dedicated archers. Except for their melee fighters18, who insist upon being placed in the vanguard over my vehement protestations. (They wear little to no armor, and carry only a thin blade for Pelor's sake!) But after a demonstration from one of their leaders, i had no choice but to agree.
(They began to hum a wordless tune, each member of their unit producing slight variations. The world became filled with fog from nowhere, and when it cleared as suddenly as it had come, none of them were inside the tent! We found them again only after an hour's search produced no results. When we came back into the tent to continue the war council, the elves walked in behind us. Naturally, none of my objections felt very convincing after that.)

The human troops will be divided up by origin, each following their own commander, and each divided into melee, ranged, and mounted components.19 The front will be wide, so each company is expected to hold their assigned territory while also supporting the companies to their right and left as needed. I wonder for what feels like the third score of times, if i shouldn't have pushed for a stronger centralized command. Even though we would have but a third of the forces, it would feel more secure. (Rest assured that these are thoughts i express only to history and to you my friend.)

Telumbra has arranged for every willing halfling to run messages, and fill roles as they become available. The rest must be trusted to support the fighters as they will. If you had told me last month that scattered halflings with no stated allegiance to anything would be placed in positions of import, i would have assumed none others had arrived. Yet after really observing them for the first time, and speaking with my friend Saldigor (for that is most assuredly what he is now), i feel that they're almost a secret weapon in this fight. For if anyone needs anything, i can rest assured that the halflings will provide before the need is even realized!


The storm has broken in earnest, and the numbers are almost more than we can h-...
They came suddenly in the night, and the first wave very nearly broke through our lines. Neither dwarf clan has been heard from in hours, i hope this is natur- ...
I have but a moment before i am called away again.20

I have brought people together into unprecedented alliances, that everyone said were impossible. I have traversed the length and breadth of the known world seeking the means to save it from the doom i saw on the horizon as a young man21. I have spent most of my life in the attempt. If nothing else can be said for me when the sun rises, let it be known to history that i tried. If we do not speak again my friend, medleg tand olokh bolno22.

I have prayed to Pelor for strength, and burned offerings to the Raven Queen to keep me from undeath.23

Now comes the hard part,
Heinrich Blindy.24


PS - If the young man makes it to you with this letter, accept him as you would myself; for he is Saldigor Telumbra's son25. Though he may call himself "shadow blade" or "dark knife" or something similar. Saldigor says his name already means this in the ancient tongue, and it would be as though i called myself "indy blindy".

Foot Notes

1While references to "Magister Tsetseg" are quite numerous, scholars have long debated the meaning of the name. As letters and references to that name have been recorded since before the founding of Fuckin' Monastery. References are also found throughout its established history. Since letters and references to Magister Tsetseg are found across several millenia, modern scholars reject the notion that it could have been a singular individual. Linguistic scholar Seman of the college of Tic informs us that the ancient Yangahri word "tsetseg" is the root form of several plant names in modern Yangahri. And posits that it may be a rank, or post within the Monastery which is handed down generationally.

2Linguistic scholar of the Tic college, Seman has written that the ancient name for the Fuckin' Monastery was likely "F'quin Monastery" and that over time it slowly became "Fu'quin", then "Fu'kin", and finally our modern form: "Fuckin'"

3Sources outside the narratives of Cpt. Heinrich Blindy and Lord Jerrin Telumbra which make reference to a grand committee, army, or "expeditionary force" which encompass the western half of the world are difficult to locate, and even moreso to verify.

4The Palurin Ando Pass appears to be an ancient name for the opening in the Landerweiss mountain chain north of Arkensaw, through which the uncivilized plains beyond may be accessed by land.

5The plains of 'Ksh-Eska appears to be an ancient name for the uncivilized plains northwest of the Landerweiss Mountains.

6While it is true that this is an unverified claim, it is also true that no identical or similar claims have yet been discovered which contend this idea.

7The Western Free Marches appears to be an ancient term for the lands west of the Thumble Bay/Central Sea inlet in which most of the free cities of the world are located.

8This dating convention is known as the "Common Era Format" often found in the writings of ancient scholars, scribes, and ruling parties. First the hour of the day is given, then the day of the month, then the month of the year, the year of the century, the number of the century, and finally which era said century is currently being classified into. In general, time was not kept in any further detail beyond the hour of the day.

9Ancient form of the modern "Sandos' Key" - Seman of Tic.

10Ancient form of the modern "Arkensaw" - Seman of Tic.

11Ancient form of modern "Mastwick" - Seman of Tic.

12Second name of the village founded by prostitutes, originally called "Herpes Pool". Heroes' Plop refers to the famous legend of the inebriated paladin. Eventually it was renamed to Pelor's Hope, and the name finally stuck.

13Ancient form of modern "Ghan Addah" - Seman of Tic.

14No passages within the narratives of Cpt. Heinrich Blindy & Lord Jerrin Telumbra, nor any external sources give any indication what those villages and hamlets might have been.

15The Stonegirt and Irongirt were dwarven clans whose idealogical rivalry appears to have been formed over the propriety of refining ores and living partially above the surface. This rivalry seems to have continued unabated, long past the point at which these differences remained true for either clan.

16Father of Lord Jerrin Telumbra.

17It was not - Seman of Tic.

18By the description, the "elven melee troops" he talks about here are actually Eladrin Bladesingers. Though Cpt. Blindy appears to have not understood the distinction.

19While not uncommon for allied city states to insist upon following their own local leaders into battle, it is rarely without major drawbacks, and occasionally it would backfire entirely. Causing a state where three or more armies are all fighting one another at the same time.

20These three lines appear to have been written hours apart.

21This is an often referenced vision Cpt. Blindy claimed to have had when he was very young. While it is never thoroughly explained by any source, this vision seems to have been his motivation for traveling the world, and making alliances.

22"Medleg Tand Olokh Bolno" is an important phrase in the ancient Yangahri rituals of greeting of parting. Literally translated it says "may knowledge find you" or "knowledge will find you". It was said before a ritual exchange of new knowledge during the greeting ceremony (by which outsiders gained access to the monastery), and before both parties turn to walk away during the ritual of parting.

23This is believed to be both a figurative way to imply an acceptance of death on the battlefield, and a literal description of the ancient version of a death ritual.

24Great grandfather of world renowned explorer, Jonas Blindy.

25Lord Jerrin Telumbra.

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Re: The World of Ice & Liquor

Postby CommaSpace » Tue May 16, 2017 12:54 pm

I know this thread is pretty old, but I was wondering what font you used for labeling? I'd like to expand and update the map for the wiki. :)
"Go to Dairy Queen, and then do under-the-clothes stuff" - Timothy Lanning.

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