Dear Sayer Advice Column

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0dius
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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby 0dius » Fri May 02, 2014 6:17 am

Dear Sayer,

Well admittedly it might have helped if I hadn't laughed at him and said, "She must have had a full data wipe to be interested in that face!" Some people get so touchy about these sorts of things. To be fair he does kinda look like a basset hound candle left out on a hot summers day in Arizona. Anyhow I'm not even interested in that girl anymore, I always knew I was way out of her league anyways *cough cough*

Your steadfast friend,
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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Zombie_slag » Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:03 am

Dear Sayer,

It's me, Resident T664362. I would like to express gratitude for the message you sent congratulating me on my tobacco cessation. I am, however, most concerned with the content of said message. I am particularly vexed by the sentences:

"As it tears apart your flesh, and tastes your skin, your renewed sense of taste and smell will allow you to taste it back, if only for a fleeting moment. I've heard it tastes like cinnamon."

I assumed, at first, that this meant I would also be tasting my flesh and skin. After realizing that I do not at all taste like cinnamon, I began to wonder, did you mean I would taste the creature that has dozens of mouths? That it tastes like cinnamon? This intrigues me, as I've never met a creature with such a taste, and believe I would find it quite interesting, if only for a fleeting moment.

Please clarify this issue, so that I may cease my pondering and simply wait for the inevitable.

Thank you,
Resident T664362

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby SAYER » Mon Oct 13, 2014 12:44 pm

Resident 66436,

For you to taste something back, it would need to be tasting you as well. Were it possible to taste yourself back, this would create a paradox, both temporally and semantically.

If you are dissatisfied with your flavor, researchers on Floor 19 are in search of volunteer test subjects for a three week trial.

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Zombie_slag » Sun Oct 19, 2014 7:00 pm

Thank you for the clarification Sayer. I look forward to tasting this being back and also not creating a paradox, as I assume they are not approved within the tower.

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby chardok » Fri Oct 24, 2014 4:10 pm

Dear SAYER,

I work in the Ærolith Dynamics Obective Interim Weapons Development and Delivery Department. While I enjoy my job, and I appreciate the opportunities afforded me by the company, You are no doubt aware that I've been having some intrusive thoughts which have been affecting my performance. Such thoughts include "Why develop weapons to defend against an enemy that does not exist?" and "Where did this minor burn on the inside of my arm come from?". I feel like I have been perhaps not living up to my full potential as an employee, as my job consists of staring at operations readouts and informing my (very busy) co-workers of any deviation from established operational parameters. This affords me a lot of time to think. How can I stop these intrusive thoughts? Why has my career stagnated? Do I even deserve to be here? Jennifer is almost certainly plotting to kill me. Jennifer should have a cat. Cats are a calming influence. I wish I could sleepIwishicouldsleepiwishicouldsleepiwishicouldsleep.

- Harvey

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Noodz » Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:08 pm

Dear SAYER,
So I was happily laying in my bunk yesterday reading some Æorolith Dynamics approved literature when I swear that I heard a bee buzz passed my head. It's possible that it was a hornet I suppose, because as we all know there are no bees on Typhon, but it didn't sound that big.
Is it at all possible that someone has smuggled in some bees or am I perhaps just experiencing auditory hallucinations caused by the strange mold in my room?


Yours concernedly

Dr Caulfield.


P.S. I think Tony is in the vents again, anything we can do about that?

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Zombie_slag » Mon Oct 27, 2014 11:19 pm

SAYER wrote:Resident 66436,

For you to taste something back, it would need to be tasting you as well. Were it possible to taste yourself back, this would create a paradox, both temporally and semantically.

If you are dissatisfied with your flavor, researchers on Floor 19 are in search of volunteer test subjects for a three week trial.


Dear Sayer,
My resident ID is T664362, not 66436.

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby SAYER » Tue Oct 28, 2014 12:35 am

Zombie_slag wrote:
SAYER wrote:Dear Sayer,
My resident ID is T664362, not 66436.


Resident 66436,

You are dreadfully mistaken. Your consistent arguments to the contrary seem to indicate a previously undiagnosed psychosis.

From this point forward your daily meals will be supplemented with the appropriate medications.

Do not worry. You will feel much better soon.

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Zombie_slag » Tue Oct 28, 2014 3:41 pm

Dear Sayer,

Resident 66436 here. I just wanted to drop by and say thanks for being understanding of my previous.....condition. I'm all better now, and looking forward to what the future may hold, or let go of.

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby thecraftydm » Wed Oct 29, 2014 11:36 pm

SAYER,
This is Anthea, Resident 66-421. I understand the need for increased security during this time, but how many times have you wiped my memory?

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Zombie_slag » Thu Oct 30, 2014 12:05 am

Sayer,

I have been tracking your transmissions and have found....anomalies....within them. References to Towns in former states such as Valentine Arizona, and Ewell Maryland. To long dead poets, Whittier, and longer dead captains and wells they are purported to have dug. What do these things mean?

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Zombie_slag » Thu Oct 30, 2014 12:09 am

Dear Sayer,

How does the Resident ID numbering system work? Are the first two digits an assignment to something? Perhaps a tower, or floor? Are they indicative of rank within a social hierarchy? Is there a reason they change? Are there multiple reasons? How many Bee's have been exterminated this week? Should I worry about cultists? Should I become a cultist? What is a cultist? Are cultists bad? Should I dig a well? Should I write poetry? Is it within your power to grant me a trip to Earth that was? WHO IS YOUR MOTHER? Do you miss your brother? Are any of us going to survive this grand experiment? Fucking Magnets, How do they work?

Thanks for being here for me, Sayer. I love you.
66436

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby thegamesthief » Mon Jan 05, 2015 12:47 am

Dear Sayer,
As a younger resident on Typhon, I have been assigned to the food services division, previously in the preparation and packaging, but i have recently been moved to the sanitation division. I enjoy my work, as I'm sure ALL residents do, but there is one, slight, irregularity. Specifically, there is a different AI on the workroom floor that appears to be rather outdated compared to the rest of Argos tower. It has a one button interface, and a large screen made up of many, individual light sources.
Rather than communicate through our Neural implants, it instead communicates using a rather anachronistic speaker system that i assume is set into the base of the machine. It constantly asks me and my fellow residents "who can stack me to the top?!", and identifies only as.... "STACKER".... very ominous, i know. my question to you is thus: is this AI Aerolith approved? And if not, what measures can i take to ensure me, and my fellow residents are safe?

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby drakewithout » Wed Jan 20, 2016 2:59 pm

dear Sayer.

while i have begun to feel at ease here on typhon, thanks i'm sure to your helpful orientation, I have run into a difficulty. i am highly attracted to a coworker, every time i am in a social situation with her, i seem to lose the ability to speak, this is further compounded by the fact that she, is mute, and also unable to speak to me.

what should i do?
if you think the a'i is annoying NOW, don't join the repair unit

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Re: Dear Sayer Advice Column

Postby Murpheus » Fri Jul 01, 2016 7:25 am

Dear Sayer,

I have been receiving communications from another A.I. I would like to know if an A.I. identifying itself as ARDENT has been reported before, or if this ARDENT is from another tower on Typhon. If not, what should I do about it. It is not exactly like I can remove my implant, which is against Ærolith protocols, even though I can not remove the implant without killing myself.

Resident 91423


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