Episode 147 - Battle of Bahamut

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The gang's all here, riding on their trusty Griffons
"How's he Luccan? That's funny, right?!" ~ Tim Lanning


Episode 147 - Battle of Bahamut

Having wrapped up the battle with the leader of the army of Bahamut your brave adventurers, who are filled with much satisfaction of an encounter well struck, moves on to meet with our Elven friends. They seem nice and … wait… what is that sound? Oh crap. Bahamutians seem to be gathering to attack in force. Cuss.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters

  • Luccan
  • Malcin
  • Barb
  • Lucky
  • Sunbeam
  • Xel



Long Story

Luccan has just shown his ugly mug once again. There are some wood elves with him, along with his own posse of 5 Wood-Elves. There is a man with wild and crazy hair, and a scar over his left eye, a leather vest, no shoes, and a bob-cat. A tall woman with a giant bow. A fat man with one arm. A guy in robes with a beard and a staff, a flower headband. A woman in a long dress, holding a wand.

Aludra, Thom, and Harper reconnect with Luccan, catching him up on all their past events and introducing him to Steve and Jaela. They show him that they killed Gruemar the Silver, and Luccan explains that he plans to march on Shadowspar Keep, to clear out the demons and devils in there, but Harper convinces him not to. Luccan promises to help them escape Fennekin's Fortress once they've taken Fennekin out. A bird flies down and lands on the shoulder of bob-cat man. He turns to Luccan and says, "Luccan, a bunch of those nun-fuckers are coming back for a counter attack!" Suddenly a large spike comes out of the sky and kills the fat elf, apparently named Lucky. They look out and see the army with siege equipment and a scorpion. The fight begins. Also, the tall woman with the bow is named Barb, because her arrows have barbs on them. The witch looking one is Xel. There is a tall moving siege tower that has dudes in it. Everyone does a lot of damage. Thom takes out the scorpion, Harper takes out the siege tower, Jaela kills just, like, half the goddam army, and Aludra loves using her new Moonbeam power.

At the end of the battle, the army lies defeated, with one man running away in fear of Thom the Dragonborn, who whispers in his ear as he flees, soiling his pants, "I'll find you..."


Luccan and his crew show up! There is much re-connection, and then the Army of Bahamut rears back for a counter attack. The gang destroys them savagely.

Luccan Swears

  • "How did you donkey-brain ass-nuggets get here?"
  • "So, did you sack-masters get captured by the army of Bahamut, or...?"
  • "If you cock-fuckers wanna come with us, we can take care of those as well."
  • "Why is your sister with a bunch of jizz-bastards?"
  • "Interesting. Well, I guess, that would cause a lot of them prick-bender devils to die, wouldn't it?"
  • "I don't think my people would travel with a bunch of pig-bitch devils."
  • "Back it up, you goblin buggerer."
  • ""You might be a mouse sphincter, but I like your style."
  • "You guys take care of Fennekin, we'll be there on the way out, to take care of these cock-blasters."
  • "Lucky, no! Don't you die on me, Jerk-Tits!"


  • Tim and Jennifer have almost been together for 10 years!
    • Their anniversary (probably not of marriage, but of becoming a thing) is December 5th.

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Bachmann - 2
    • Jennifer - 14
    • Tim - 2
    • Nika - 10

Combat Begins vs the Army of Bahamut

  • Initiative
    • Luccan
    • Harper - 21
    • Thom - 16
    • Jaela - 5
    • Aludra - 4
    • Barb

Round One

  • Luccan
    • Ranged Attack
      • Hits one through the eye

  • Harper
    • Casts Haste on Jaela and Thom

  • Thom
    • Runs to the reloading scorpion
    • Melee Attack nearest 2 guards - ??, 23
      • Hit, Hit - 14 + 18 - kills both

  • Army of Bahamut
    • Rain of arrows hits Aludra on her butt - 10 damage

  • Aludra
    • Also Lays on Hands herself - 30 hp
    • Runs 20 ft back, hides behind cover

  • Barb
    • Shoots an arrow, kills a guy

  • Zell
    • Casts a spell, kills a guy

Round Two

  • Army of Bahamut
    • Finishes loading the scorpion

  • Luccan
    • Fires an arrow, kills a dude

  • Harper
    • Casts Lightning Bolt, requiring a DEX saving throw
      • A man falls out of the tower

  • Thom
    • Melee Attack one of the dudes at the scorpion - 26
      • Hit - 21 damage - kills him
    • Melee Attack the dude in the back - 25
      • Hit - 14 damage - kills him
    • Melee Attack - 19+?
      • Hit - 21 damage - kills him

  • 9 guys roll up on Jaela, granting her attacks of opportunity
    • Melee Attack - 15
      • Hit - 19 damage - kills him
      • Then she moves back
    • They throw spears at her (with disadvantage) - ??, ??, 15, 19, 22, ??, 21
      • Miss, Miss, Miss, Miss, Hit, Miss, Hit - 5 + 5 damage

  • Jaela
    • Picks up Harper and hides him

  • Aludra
    • Casts her favorite spell Moonbeam, requiring a DC 15 CON saving throw - ??, ??
      • One makes it, the other doesn't
        • The one who made it takes 6 damage, the other takes 13 damage (kills him)

  • Wood Elves
    • Tends to Lucky

  • Scorpion Guy
    • Turns and runs from Thom, the terrible monster, provoking an attack of opportunity - 18
      • Hits - 9 damage

Round Three? This is pretty confusing

  • Harper
    • Casts Blink
    • Casts Scorching Ray at fourth level, shooting 5 fireballs - 13, 18, 16, Nat20, 10
      • Explodes the top of the tower, charred bodies go flying out

  • Thom
    • Cranks the scorpion to fire it next round, adding DEX (with advantage) - Nat20
      • Fires the scorpion, killing three

There are four dudes left

  • Jaela
    • Melee Attack (x3) on three dudes- 27, 15, 21
      • Hit, Hit, Hit - 18 + 21 + 18 damage - kills all three

  • Aludra
    • Moonbeams his ass, requiring a DC 15 CON saving throw - ??
      • Fail - 13 damage - kills him

Combat Ends