Episode 196 - Never Meet Your Heroes

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Toby Treacletart
"What if... I wanted you... to get punched in the face... by a brigand. It wasn't even that we were threatened. Right? It was that we went out and found a brigand and said, 'Hey, punch me mate in the face.' Would you do that for me?" ~ Jett Razor


Episode 196 - Never Meet Your Heroes

A role-play and exposition heavy first meeting between Toby Treacletart and rest of the party. Does the his knowledge of Glaine, the Jewel of the East and talents in tracking down the mysterious magical disturbance justify pulling such an innocent soul into the hard life of an adventurer?

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters




Harper is dead. The assassins in animal masks defeated. But there is no time to rest. Wren introduces herself as a friend of Thom the Dragonborn, whom she helped to recover Blood Drinker when Caer was still a city before the demon apocalypse. As they're getting acquainted, she receives a message by way of a squirrel that hops up on to her shoulder, and she tells them that Lex had gotten imprisoned in the White Spire of Glaine, the Jewel of the East, and was only able to get free thanks to the help from a young gnome named... Tony? Treeklehart?

But she has to go because both her and Lex are being called away to take care of other matters, but this Tony will be waiting for them in an inn on the way to Glaine, the Jewel of the East called The Shrieking Cow. Aludra is hesitant and wonders if this is truly necessary, but Wren tells them that Lex vouches for him and says he not only knows the city well, but he's also quite aware of the intense magical disturbance that had brought the witches out here to investigate.

As they enter the inn, the see a small gnome standing atop a stool with an alchemist's toolkit in front of him and chatting to the bartender and tell him how he can improve the inn's mead. Aludra taps the gnome on the shoulder and incorrectly asks if the gnome is Tony, rather than Toby. The first time of many. Toby falls flat on his butt as he sees two of his heroes, Aludra Wyrmsbane and Jaela standing in front of him. He's given an even bigger shock when Jett Razor, currently draped over Aludra's shoulder as a fur coat (possibly the fur of a teeny Pomeranian) opens his mouth to greet him.

They grab a table, haggle over some mead, and then Toby gives each of the party members a gift that he put together while he waited for them to arrive. He gives Aludra a mechanical dragon that breaths fire when you move its wings. Jaela gets a mechanical version of herself that will move five feet in any direction and swing its tiny halberd. And Jett Razor gets a music box that plays his hit single.

Gimme that nice cuppa, niiice cuppa dat ass.
Nice cuppa stick-a-spoon-in-that-ass and-it-stands-up...

Toby's get them to speed about his own run-ins with a strange magical disturbance. Harper's death appears to be unrelated to the disturbance, so maybe it's the rumored monster that is the source. He's had several readers explode, a divining rod blow up, and a decanter melt while investigating... and no one in the White Spire would listen to him. But now he has something else to try. Toby shows them a device he's come up with himself that he hasn't quite named yet, but it should be able to point them to the huge boom of magical energy. And while he knows they're super famous heroes, he'd like to come with them.

Jett is amused by the gnome but wants to see how far he'd go to join them, such presenting him a scenario about calling over a brigand to come over and allow himself to be punched in the face. Toby very reluctantly agrees that he would do it if he has no choice. Jett gives him a gooey kiss on the forehead and Toby can't help but put some of that residue in a vial to study later. Then the party moves to another table to discuss what to do, while Toby secretly sends Arlington to listen in on them from the rafters.

Aludra is concerned about letting such an innocent young gnome join their party after all the death she's seen, but Jaela convinces her that perhaps they can at least just let him help them with what's going on with Glaine, the Jewel of the East and then just evaluate fully bringing him into the hard life of an adventurer at that later point.

Jett gives him the good news, and Toby goes through a minor dilemma about weather or not the party should immediately track down monster or go find his other spellbook. He's afraid of getting yelled at by the DM. The Dean of Magic. However a few quotes from Doug the Dark Elf convince him that the right thing to do is deal with the monster first before thinking of himself.

With all the major business out of the way, Jaela asks Toby if he's heard of a Reginald Thornberry, but all he can remember is that he was a gamesman that survived the previous Raw Fury Games. Then Toby tries to impress the group with his improved version of the inn's mead. Aludra eagerly gulps it down, and then in a fit she yells at Toby that she hates that she's taking quite a liking to him so soon after Harper's death and storms off.

Jaela suggests using the Jerk Hut and Jett thinks it's a wonderful idea. Toby enters thinking it was a place that sold smoked meats. Jaela is able to assure Aludra that everything will be alright, and on their way to the Jerk Hut, a drunk patron by the name of Kevin has a brief horrified look as he makes eye contact with her, before the bartender let's the two of them know that Kevin is a regular here and will be taken care of.

Inside, Toby is horrified about what he sees inside and finds a corner to hide in a pulls out his journal:

Wow, today I met the the biggest heroes ever. They're currently doing gross and weird things. And I had to cast a... a spell to make them think that I-
Currently a naked version of myself is... well... old journal buddy pal... I don't know what it's doing or being done to it. I'm not smart enough. But... I think this is going to be the start of something super fun. Oh. Oh... I just felt that my illusory self was just destroyed. Which takes a couple hit points to do, which... I'm a little confused by...?


  • Toby is innocent enough to the world that he thinks that a few mugs of mead and a jar of pig knuckles is worth 39 gold.
  • Jaela haggles down the price to 2 gold, only to find that 2 silver will get eight mugs of mead.
  • Toby uses Prestidigitation to change the taste of the pig knuckles to a North Carolina mustard BBQ flavor. Aludra hates it.
  • Toby needs to cast Comprehend Languages to translate some of Jett's unique phrases.
  • Toby was impressed with Lex to the point of saying that once he's done adventuring with this party, the number one thing he'd like to do is meet up with Lex and have more adventures with her.

Inventory Updates

  • +1 Toby Treacletart to the party
  • -1 Wren from the party

Quest Log Updates

  • [Active] - Find the monster terrorizing Glaine, the Jewel of the East
  • [Active] - Discover the cause of the magical disturbance
  • [Active] - Curse of the Raven Queen
  • Save the shrinking high elf city of Galanthus


  • Recap
    • Jennifer - 19
    • Nika - 16 (Nika did the recap due to it being an only Tim and Nika episode)
    • Bachmann - 3
    • Tim - 3

  • Jaela - Persuasion Check Over the Price of Mead
    • 23 Persuasion - The bartender agrees to Jaela's 2 gp price rather than insist on taking the 39 gold originally offered.

  • Toby - History Check About Reginald Thornberry
    • 18 History - Toby knows that Reginald Thornberry was a challenger in a previous Raw Fury Games and probably resides somewhere in Glaine, the Jewel of the East, but he doesn't know anything more specific.

  • Toby - Nature Check to Alter the Taste of Mead
    • 27 Nature - Aludra cries at how good the mead is.