Episode 249 - The Return of the Raw Fury Games

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"Did you say your name was Rolen Twentais? So today we're gonna be Rolen with my Twentais!" ~ Lex

"Hop right on my worm, Lex! Hop right on my worm!" ~ Toby Treacletart


Episode 249 - The Return of the Raw Fury Games

With the lands returning to a somewhat normal state of things the Raw Fury Games are once again being hosted in Drunkeros. Deepholme has the esteemed honor of leading the festivities with their newly married Queen heading the event. The delegation from the White Spire has set their eyes on winning this year so they collected the greatest competitors from across the realms to join their team. The Race is on!

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters




Long Story

It's a couple of weeks after the wedding of Queen Aludra Wyrmsbane and Jaela (making her a queen as well?). It is also time, once again, for the Raw Fury Games! An event every couple of years where various nations get together to compete. The White Tower has asks Toby Treacletart to compete, and he in turn has asked Rolen Twentais from a mythical land called Waterdeep to help, and he and Watson Copperfield call him in from another dimension. He also summons a bard, because they need one, the same bard as Lord Titus Harper used last time, Rudolph Reindeer. Feeling as though he needed to round out the team, Toby also calls on his friend Lex!

Watson Copperfield teleports them, via the White Spire to Deephome, where the Raw Fury Games will be held this year. There, they will be told exactly what the Games will consist of. There, they all see a large crowd, and are ushered to the center, where they see several other teams of contestants. Toby gives the others outfits that he had made which look nice, and are also armor. They are white on a slate grey, with the words "White Spire" written on. Rudolph doesn't want to wear it, so he is given a badge. The Queen of Deephome, Aludra Wyrmsbane, emerges and gives the opening speech, welcoming everyone, and explaining the rules of the upcoming Games. She says that it's great to have everyone in Deephome this year, but that it won't stay in Deephome, because this year, the Raw Fury Games will be... a cross country race! She says, "The first person to travel from Deephome, all the way to Pelor's Hope, and touch the handle of Blood Drinker on the statue of Thom the Dragonborn will be victorious." They will also be transported to the arena at Pelor's Hope, where they will be "showered in praise and cheers." She goes on to clarify two rules: 1. No teleportation, and 2. No ships of any kind may be used. A representative of the Raw Fury Games is to accompany each team to the end, to ensure that these rules are abided by. This representative will be a Modron, who is incapable of breaking the rules. They must start out on foot, but they can improvise along the way. She says that they must, during the journey, stop at the checkpoints at Calsten and Mastwick (they can't enter Mastwick, as Pyre, the dragon who rules there, is not cooperating with the RFG), and the first twelve teams to make it to Calsten will be allowed to continue on.

They make note of other groups nearby. Two Dragonborn, a small Kobold, and a human with red hair, all wearing red scale mail armor. Luccan and a team of Wood Elves. A group of monsters from Tidtowne, lead by a giant Bugbear. A group of Gnomes from Glaine, the Jewel of the East. A team of apelings wearing clothes. The team next our guys are wearing overalls and no shirts. One man asks where they are from, and says that they are from New Newfoundland Land, and that Mayor Ballard hand picked them all personally. Toby is nervous that they will get hurt or killed in the race, so he gives them one of his Immovable Rods. Aludra announces that the games will be beginning, so everyone is sent to their own designated starting positions, where the bards of each group will play a song. There, they meet their Modron companion, a small cube with wings and a bow. They don't have names, but, being robot creatures, they have designations. This one is Xx69-420xX, and he does not understand love. After questioning him, he announces that it is time for the Bard's song. Rudolph clears his throat and begins to play...

"I work for a child named Toby,"

"But he's paying me good coin."

"And his friends are kind of funny,"

"But I'm mostly here for the coin."

"He can do magic and his friends can fight,"

"So, I guess that perhaps they'll be alright,"

"And not like King Harper, that sad, sad sight,"

"That always wore his pants too tight."

"Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, child named Toby"

"Oooh, Oooh, Toby is such a child!"

"Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, I'm not his father"

"Oooh, Oooh, although I might have slept with his mother"

There is a large firework in the sky, and suddenly, the race is on! Toby conjures a Phantom Steed, in the shape of a giant caterpillar. He also casts Polymorph on Rudolph's groupie, to turn him into a Tyrannosaurus Rex, which Rudolph rides on, and Lex jumps up on his caterpillar. Rolen Twentais summons a giant Elk. Together, the three beasts gallop forward toward Calsten, the first stop. They come up on a road to Calsten, and choose to follow it. Two miles later, they see another group of contestants laying on the ground. Toby sends out Arlington, and sees that this is the group from New Newfoundland Land, all clutching their knees in "obvious pain." Toby reports back, and together they roll up to ask what's up. The NNFLLers tell them that "those guys from Calsten" came and broke their kneecaps. He was unable to use the Immovable Rods. He also says that the Calstenians gave them a message, that "Youse guys better not follow us anymore." and had a long Italian name. Rolen paces and sniffs the ground, wets a finger and feels the air to see which way they went, which was toward Calsten, along the road. Toby gives them bandages and takes back his Immovable Rod, since they don't deserve it, and Lex Prestidigitizes their knees to at least look like they aren't broken. The NNFLLers give them their mounts (as Toby remembers his Polymorph, and Rolen's Conjure Animals only lasts 1 hour). They are given an elk named Elk-Elk and a caterpillar named Caterpillar-Caterpillar. Before they head off, Rudolph plays them a quick Song of Rest...

"You're going to die"

"Nothing to be done about it"

"You're going to die"

"You have no kneecaps left"

"And you don't seem to be... "(Audio distortion)

"You're going to die"

After a while, the group makes it to Calsten, and the Modron, Xx69-420xX, tells them that they have qualified to go on in the race. In the morning, they will have to compete in the first checkpoint challenge, and those who succeed will get to go on, but staggered, based on who got to town first, in what order, and how long it took to get there. They are there in seventh place. A group of cat-folk from Drunkeros Madagascar arrive just after them. The group then has the rest of the night to do whatever they want, so Toby gathers them all to get their picture taken under the sign to Pine Nut Street. After discussing their options, the gang heads to a nearby tavern, to ask around about the other groups, specifically, the family members of the Castiglianimorcelloderegenini runners, which they do find. Toby spends time memorizing the faces of the family members, then attempts to scare them into telling them to drop out of the race, but fails.

The next morning, the twelve remaining teams (including the people from Mastwick, the High Elves of Galanthus, the Dwarves from Deephome, the mobsters from Calsten, a group of "regular looking people", a group of teens, Luccan and the Wood Elves, the Cat-folk from Drunkeros Madagascar, the apelings from the Swamps of Ichtaka, the Tidtown Terrors, and of course, our group) (That's only 11), are told that the competition will be down to their bards: they must sing a song, and their scores are added to their time, to the best score leaves first, along with the timing, don't worry about it. The first group is Luccan's, but he foolishly didn't bring a bard, so he asks Rudolph to lay down a beat for him as he sings...

"You’re a load-bag"

"A swamp bag"

"Lug nut buckets"

"Dumb Fuck-its"

"You are full of bum scabs"

"And you love swamp hags"

"Your a grandma hustler"

"And an ass buster"

"So you can eat my ass you swamp banker"

"And lick my nuts you mother wanker (?)"

After the wood elves' song, it is Rudolph's turn...

"We were led to the field by a beautiful man"

"Who was handsome and somewhat ray (?)"

"But when we met a big dragon, he ran"

"Harper's his name, and fear, his shame."

"But I did not falter and I did not book (?)"

"I faced the dragon alone"

"Harper did nothing, I did it all"

"Someone named Bearcharger cheered me on"

"I slew the white dragon that very day"

"I made it dance and sing"

"I pounded it Bardic sexual magic"

"Until it fell and laid so still"

"But Harper, King Harper"

"His day would come"

"In a closet where he exploded to death!”

He bows and there is much applause before the episode ends.


The Raw Fury Games begins, this time as a race from Deephome to Pelor's Hope! Toby enters, representing the White Spire, and is joined by Lex, Rolen Twentais, and Rudolph Reindeer and his groupie. Together, they head off toward the first checkpoint in Calsten. Along the way, they encounter a group from New Newfoundland Land, who has had their legs broken by the Castiglianimorcelloderegeninis family, and heal them. Eventually, they make it to Calsten, and Rudolph competes in their first challenge, to sing a song, which everyone loves.

Luccan Swears

  • "Fuck You!"
  • "Eat my ass!"
  • "Hey, shit-lord. We didn't think we actually needed a bard, so could you lay down a track for me while we do our song? Afterwards, eat a dick, thanks."


  • Rolen Twentais claims he has been to Drunkeros once before. This is partially correct. He was summoned accidentaly by Aelar the Dragon Hunter, into a strange dream-world
  • Rolen is quite the fan of money and meat loaf. Not, so much, alcohol
  • Since the last Raw Fury Games, Rudolph has become a little famous, and has a single roadie following him around
  • Rolen wears a Trident on his back that was given to him by his father, so he never takes it off, not even to use
  • Lex wants to take over Mastwick sometime with Toby
  • Toby gives the New Newfoundland Landers one of his two Immovable Rods
  • Rolen, despite only having visited Drunkeros once before (and even then, see above), and having an eye patch over each eye, he still knows how to get to Calsten better than Toby or Lex, who live here and can see
  • Modrons can get high

Inventory Updates

  • -1 Immovable Rod
  • +1 Immovable Rod

Quest Log Updates

  • [NEW][Active] - Win the Raw Fury Games!


  • They all roll Survival to see how well they do riding on their myriad beasts
    • Toby - Nat1
    • Lex - 11+1
    • Rolen - 18
      • Rolen and Rudolph are the only ones who knows where to go

  • Rolen rolls Survival? to track the Castiglianimorcelloderegeninis - 23
    • They went that-a-way

  • Everone rolls Investigation in the tavern to find the families of the Castiglianimorcelloderegeninis
    • Lex - 10+6
    • Rolen - 20
    • Rudolph - 19
    • Toby - 26
      • They are able to find them

  • Toby rolls Intimidation to scare the Castiglianimorcelloderegenini family members to drop out of the race - Nat1
    • They are not scared