Episode 255 - To the South, We Go

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Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain, the newest recruit
"Frank! Have you not heard of us? All we do, we find out vaguely where to go, and then we go there!" ~ Toby Treacletart


Episode 255 - To the South, We Go

Fortunately, that pesky robot was just a test. A fiendish way to make sure the Tower of Grey is operating at peak efficiency. Now, however, we must travel south to discover new lands and powerful new enemies. As always, I am sure everything will go swell.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters


  • Fredrik
  • Skud's zombie monk
  • Skud's zombie monk dog



Long Story

Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain is the newest member of The Tower of Grey, and she has a mission for them, to find her brother, Lannie, who has been falsely accused of poisoning their entire family. She has an idea of where to find him, somewhere in the southern desert continent of Ssathra. Apparently, their grandfather, Peepaw Caplain, traveled there and found an Uthgarian monastery in a desert mountain, that was full of riches. He was chased off before he could get any of the gold there, but Lannie thought himself a pirate, who loved booty and treasure. He would always talk about the treasure, and wanting to go there.

Toby Treacletart suggests they leave in the Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap first thing in the morning. He calls in Amber Reeve, formerly of Norhall Academy for Adventurers and Heroes, and asks if they have any adventures pending around here, but she says no they don't. Frank Ubell asks how they intend to find the mountain, as Ssathra is quite a large place. He offers that he has hired an investigator to help them out, anticipating them getting stumped. He hired a kobold named Tug! He and Lahni introduce themselves, and Lahni tugs on Tug's tail. Tug brings out a bone contract that he had made up, that details how many bones he gets, etc. Toby gets scared and has Rowan Grey sign it. Frank really Franks it up by telling her all the places she needs to initial, so Toby pretends to want to shake hands, then creates the illusion of a giant wolf named Fredrik to pretend to bite off Frank's hand.

Toby heads off to ask Amber, Rake, and Toby 2 about Ssathra, which he seems to know surprisingly little about. Lahni drinks from her ferret pouch, which is apparently full of elven wine, and offers it to Rowan. Also there is Isuuld, the griffon holder. Toby is able to find in the library a book on Uthgar and his adventures, and it talks about some crazy monk who founded a monastery down in Ssathra. Rowan asks Ava what she knows, and introduces Lahni to her. She knows about Uthgar, but doesn't know much about Ssathra, except for that there are a lot of Yuan-Ti down there. They party all night.

Toby brings in Clarence Scrimald, a local cleric from Greenham, that they have been trying to recruit, but he hates them. Toby asks Lahni if she trusts him, which of course she does, and cuts her finger off! Clarence casts some spells, and Lahni's finger begins to grow back, slowly. Apparently he's done this with Rowan and everyone else at the Tower. He and Clarence slip away to the basement, where they find the clone of Toby, in a tank of liquid. There is also a clone of Rowan, Borris, and Toby spends the night casting the spell Clone, on Lahni's finger. There is also an empty tank labelled "Toby 2".

The next morning, they take off on the airship. Borris stays behind, but all the people that are going are: Toby, Rowan, Toby 2, Ava, Amber Reeve, Isuuld, Rake, Lahni, and Tug. Oh, yeah. And Frank. In the D4C, they have removed Aludra Wyrmsbane's barbecue grill. Sparkles and Peter are the two remaining Griffons. Along the way, Frank complains about the lack of receipts, and how many crew members are in the Tower. The ship flies south, down past Pelor's Hope (Toby waves), and into the southern continent of Ssathra. It's all desert, all the time. The trip takes a couple weeks. After a few days, Toby asks Lahni to spar with him, to get better at fighting. Lahni is able to help search for the monastery, which looks like a brick building built into the mountain, with white columns on the front. The insignia of Uthgar is emblazoned on a flag hanging from the side of the building like a frat house.

The airship lands, and the crew disembarks. In typical Ätlän-tã Fælcons fashion, they make no plan, and just knock on the door. They are met by a strange individual... A figure wearing monk's clothes, with a robe, some beads, and those Kanye slat shades. They can see through those shades that this is, in fact, a zombie. It groans at them, with a question mark at the end. The others tell Lahni this is some kind of test, and encourage her to punch. She punch. It's head flies off. Lahni gifts the bones of the zamboe to Tug, who is excited about the amount of time it will take to clean. Behind that zombino, there is a long hallway, with a soft glow emanating from the end of it. Lahni leads the way, not paying attention for traps, but looking for cool stuff. She sees, coming toward her from the end of the hall, a glowing non-glowing figure... A small dog (much to Tim Lanning's frustration), that is also dead. This dog, too, is a red herring. It leads them into the room at the end of the hall. In the room is a pile of burning scrolls, a monk-like figure standing over them. It drops a scroll into the flames, that reads, "Illusory dragon". Toby expresses his horror over the loss of this scroll, and alerts the monk to their presence. He introduces himself as... Skud Derringer. He wears a deep V robe, those same party shades, and a flock-o-seagulls haircut that clearly took a while to get ready. He's a super unassuming dude, although he isn't a dude so much as a Water Genasi. This, my dear friends, is Mike Bachmann's new character. (Though we all remember how long Bananas Foster was around for, so let's not get our hopes up, nam'sayin'?)


Lahni suggests that they might find her brother, Lannie, in a monastery in Ssathra, so the Tower of Grey decides to head there first thing in the morning. Frank hires Tug to help find him, and everyone parties all night long. We see more of what Toby has been up to, creating clones of everyone who joins the Tower of Grey. The next morning, they head off to Ssathra. Lahni is able to find the Monastery, and they land, go inside, and meet a monk named Skud Derringer. What a ride.


  • Brip Brap couldn't come
  • Toby made fun of Rowan a lot, and this made her nervous to do stuff she probably should. This is why Jennifer Cheek sometimes forgets how to play Rowan
  • Fredrik was named by Mike Bachmann
  • Isuuld is the most attractive character ever introduced into the show, but she has weird hair, and overalls with paint on them, so no-one can tell (Wood elf)
  • The Tower of Grey has a not unsubstantial library
  • "We've squeezed all the wine from this ferret" is now a euphemism for beating a dead horse
  • Rowan is a successful business woman, and has written (a la ghostwriter) several books about it
  • Tug is arranging his bones constantly. He is never satisfied with their order, and will re-arrange them many many times during their journey south.

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Bachmann - 2
    • Tim - 9
    • Jennifer - 2
    • Nika - 11

  • Toby rolls History to see if he knows anything about Ssathra - 19
    • He knows it is the southern desert continent

  • Rowan does a History check to see what she knows about the monastery - Nat1
    • She doesn't know shit about it

  • Toby makes a History check to find any information about the monastery - 24
    • He finds a book on Uthgar's adventures

  • Lahni rolls Survival to assist with navigation aboard the airship - 17+10
    • She does that

  • Lahni rolls a punch attack to to punch a zombie - 2+10
    • Hit - His head goes flying straight off

  • Lahni rolls Perception to look around for stuff Lannie might have liked/been distracted by - 10+10=20
    • She sees a figure approaching from the glow...