Episode 261 - A Rotten Crew of Beautiful Misfits Part 2

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"The time has come, so go grab a beer; Hey, everyone, it's great to be here!" ~ Thirst/Bachmann


Episode 261 - A Rotten Crew of Beautiful Misfits Part 2

These rowdy folks are continuing their quest to help out someone that is probably nice and good. Making friends with a god is a cool thing to do for an adventuring crew to do, especially if you are good and nice like this particular group.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

After the Feywild Four, along with Nook Nimmlock, escape the Spring Court jail, the rapscalions consider their reasons for following Nook on his mission in the first place. Thirst is hesitant, but joins for the riches. Large Reggie wants to destroy things that aren't Primal. Rikety Nell wants to earn favor with the god, Melora, thinking she could use the opportunity to seek revenge on her former coven, the Sisters of the Harvest. Also, this god loves to party. Two hours on the road, Large Reggie sees a Stone Giant on the road, and attempts to rob him. The creature declines, but Viscount Ambrosious Quorin freezes the creature, so's what Large Reggie can take his meats, cheeses, and ale. It turns out, he was a meat, cheese, and ale vendor! What can you do? LR takes the sign, too, despite not being able to read. Thirst finds an ear crevasse and Thirsts on in there. VAQ tells LR not to steal his Staff of Law (which he did last episode), and LR cares little for it.

Anyway, Nook leads them through the forest, and eventually, they come upon a Large Reggie tree stump. It's very Hobbit-y. There is a large round door in it, but the door is open. They can hear a commotion from within, which makes Nook nervous. VAQ strolls right on in there, the others follow, and they find a large ogre going through the underwear drawer. Thirst sneaks in. They come to learn that the ogre, Grogg, is officially there to reposes Nook's ill-gotten booty. He even has paperwork. Rikety Nell casts [Toll the Dead] on the ogre, prompting a fight.

They quickly kill the ogre, but not before making a mess of Nook's home. Nell, who had sent out a horde of insects, calls them all back, which they do by way of running up into her dress, because Rikety Nell is a horrific beast, and must be stopped. VAQ lifts the papers off of the dead Grogg, for future use. They search around for the bag that contains the Jade Pyramid, the legendary jewel that Nook was going to bring to Lady Arnaesis, and eventually, Rikety Nell, the terror, finds it. They all argue over who should take it, and while they do, Thirst sneaks into the bag. Inside, he sees a small, jade pyramid, about 8x8 inches. Twice as big as Thirst himself.

Nook eventually just pushes everyone out of the way, and takes out the Pyramid. He expresses his excitement in being able to hand it over to the his boss, and VAQ requests to see the Pyramid, so that he can inspect it. Nook is hesitant, worried the beast will attempt to steal the jewel. They compromise on Nook holding the jewel while VAQ attempts to inspect it. He is able to tell that it is insanely powerful, the most magical thing he has ever seen in his life. He does not eat it. Nook tells them that it is time to go to the Festival of Spring. He works at the Spring Court, in the castle, so he knows how to sneak in. But they first need to get into the Festival, which requires an invitation. He has one already, and shows them. VAQ promises that he could create a few more for the rest of them (using Major Illusion), but they would only last 10 minutes, so it would be best to wait until they are at the front gates.

They next think about what clothes they will wear. They aren't exactly dressed for the occasion. Nook doesn't wear clothes, as a Satyr, so he can't offer them any. Rikety Nell casts Disguise Self on herself to look beautiful, but ends up looking more horrific and nightmarish than she did, which is goddam saying something. Large Reggie wraps a bedsheet arround himself and puts flowers in his hair. They head off!

Through the forests, they see bright and colorful foliage, an occasional unicorn, and a Treant. Soon, they come up on a giant lake. It's beautiful, even has a rainbow, despite the lack of rain. At the center of the lake is a large island, about a mile wide, and two miles long. At the far end is a giant castle made out of crystals. Nook says that this is the Castle of the Spring Court. There are small boats ferrying folk to and from the island. Some of them use narwhals! Large Reggie worries that the boats are too small for him, even though he could fit safely if he uses one alone. They approach the boats, and are stopped by Eladrin guards, who ask to see their invitations. VAQ produces them. The illusion works, and the guard points them toward a large swan. It crosses the lake, and they reach the island.

They disembark, and Nook warns them not to be weird. They approach the crystal castle, where Nook sneaks them behind and they find a secret stairway, which they climb. It takes a while, as the stairway is long, and Reggie moves slowly. Eventually, they make it to the queen's chambers, where Nook says that they should wait outside, while he goes in. Thirst sneaks into Nook's pocket, and VAQ disguises himself as Nook, but then agrees to wait outside. Nook enters the room and calls out for Lady Arnaesis. A woman enters the room, and VAQ, due to his high rolls, can see that the woman has black hair, is wearing an evening dress that looks a bit spidery, and she is wearing a wooden, prosthetic finger. This is Lady Adira Harper, the long-missing sister to the late King Titus Harper!!!!!

She hugs Nook (hurting Thirst a bit), and she takes the pyramid. After a minute, Melora enters the room. She is beautiful as the last time she was on the show. Lady Arnaesis/Adira produces the jewel, and throws it to the ground. It opens up, like a cool sci-fi thing, and a light shoots out of it, directly underneath the god. She screams, then goes silent. She is frozen in place, and then there are the sounds of explosions outside. Out the window, they can see a massive portal opening in the sky, and a giant spider-woman emerging from it. This, is Lolth!


After escaping from the jail, Nook leads the others to his home, where they find an ogre reposesing his goods. They kill him, find the Jade Pyramid, and head to the Castle of the Spring Court, where his boss Lady Arnaesis is. After some tension with the guards, and a short swan ride, they climb up the castle and make it to Lady Arnaesis, who, it turns out, is actually Lady Adira Harper! She makes to give the Pyramid to Melora, the goddess, but then throws it to the ground and activates it. It is a trap! She captures the god, as a massive portal opens up. And stepping through the portal, is Lolth!


  • Large Reggie makes eggs
  • Michael claims that Satyrs don't tend to wear clothes, yet Grogg was rifelling through Nook's underwear drawer. Now isn't that interesting
  • Rikety Nell looks like a cross between Lady Gaga's meat dress and the White Witch from Narnia
  • Reggie has no problem with carrying people on his back, thinking of it like a battle formation. But he does get offended when someone suggest that he carry a cart or some such behind him, claiming that he is not a "beast of burden"
  • Reggie is scared of water
  • The lake has pretty fireflies all around and a nymph waves from beneath the water, despite the fact that they are woodland creatures
  • The woman is Adira Harper!!!!!

Quest Log Updates

  • [Complete] - Return the Jade Pyramid to Lady Arnaesis
  • [NEW] - WTF?


  • Recap
    • Jennifer - Nat20 - Roll-off - 7
    • Bachmann - Nat20 - Roll-off - 9
    • Tim - doesn't roll
    • Christopher - Bapped

  • Rikety Nell rolls Arcana to see what she knows about the Staff of Law - 19
    • She knows it is a focus for his spell-casting

  • Thirst rolls Stealth to sneak into Nook's house - 21
    • He is extremely hidden

  • Rikety Nell casts Toll the Dead on Grogg, requiring Wisdom saving throw - 9-2
    • Fail - He is tolled - 4 necrotic damage

Combat Begins vs Grogg

  • Initiative
    • Thirst - 19
    • Rikety Nell - 18
    • Large Reggie - 9
    • VAQ - 6

Round One

  • Thirst
    • Sneak Attack - Nat20
      • Hit - 32 damage

  • Nell
    • Casts Infestation on Grogg, requiring a DC 15 Constitution saving throw - 2
      • Fail - 11 poison damage, and is pushed 5 feet west

  • Reggie
    • Melee Attacks (x2) - 3+6, 22
      • Miss, Hit - 12 slashing + 10 damage - kills him

Combat Ends

  • VAQ rolls Investigation to find Nook's Jade Pyramid - 2
    • He goes outside looking around

  • Thirst rolls Investigation to find Nook's Jade Pyramid -

  • Some of them roll Investigation to find Nook's Jade Pyramid
    • VAQ - 2
      • He goes outside looking around
    • Nell - 16
      • She finds the satchel containing it, but VAQ
    • Reggie - 2
    • Thirst - 6

  • Thirst rolls Sleight of Hand to slip the Jade Pyramid out of the satchel without anyone knowing - 18+7
    • He does sneak in without anyone knowing, but it's too big for him to pilfer

  • VAQ casts Major Illusion (?) to get Large Reggie to think one of the boats is much larger than it is, requiring a Wisdom saving throw - 2
    • Fail - him think boat is big

  • VAQ casts Major Illusion to create invitations for the guards, who must roll DC 15 Intelligence check - 12
    • Fail - he thinks their real

  • Thirst rolls Stealth to sneak into Nook's pocket - 27
    • Success - he sneaks on in there

  • Everyone rolls Perception when a woman enters the room
    • Reggie - 13
    • VAQ - 19
    • Nell - 10
    • Thirst - 7
      • VAQ sees the woman's appearance