Episode 267 - The Orcus Onslaught Part 1

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"How dare you enter the realm of the Demon Prince of Undeath. The Lord of Blood. I shall feast upon your souls tonight!" ~ Orcus

"Tyffani and Nika are wearing Kat Von D eyeliner. And she loves it. She wears the headband. She is the Bret Michaels of D&D. " ~ Nika Howard


Episode 267 - The Orcus Onslaught Part 1

What do you do when the natural order of the realms falls in to chaos? Good and evil must exist in harmony so when Orus threatened to disrupt that balance the Archmage Bigby sent for the strongest, meanest and most Demon-Lord vanquising-est adventures around – The Circle of Seven. But will their power be enough to slay the Prince of Undeath in his realm?

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

In the Astral Plane, a wizard's tower floats, destroyed and torn from the Prime Material Plane, like a giant plucked it from the ground like a weed. Can I put a metaphor inside a metaphor? Probably not. This is bad way to start one of these articles, and I should really delete all of this. Anyway, inside the tower, Bigby, a wizard of some renown, stumbles toward his summoning chamber. He summons a ragtag group, referring to them as The Circle of Seven: Tephiroth, a tough samurai Shadar-Kai, who doesn't have time for this nonsense; Tyffani, a young party girl who's up for a good time; Neev, a scary Aarakocra who kills people for her bird god; Eckhart Dayhammer, an important paladin, by the will of Rhaegar; Lady Adira Harper, a high-born, goth chick who was once the sister to King Titus Harper (and a cat); and Aelar, an ancient dragon hunter who has had a few run ins with the Ätlän-tã Fælcons in their day.

With the circle complete, Bigby warns the others of the danger their journey is sure to entail. Orcus has been growing ever stronger, since the Demon Apocalypse, and plans on "sinking the Prime Material Plane into an un-death." He also tells them their mission: to venture forth into Orcus' Lair, in the city of Naratyeer, in a plane called Thanatos, in the Abyss. The old wizard opens a portal to the city for them and sends them on their way. Eckhart uses his Divine Sense, and senses evil friggin everywhere, of the fiendish persuasion. They come up on the castle, which is disgusting, and made out of organic material. Tephiroth cuts down the door. The walls are made of bone, covered in flesh, and the carpet is made of hair. They soon come upon another door. There is no lock, and seems to be no discernible way of opening it, except for one way.

In the room with them is an altar, with a bowl and a knife. Tephiroth, with no hesitation, grabs the knife and stabs himself in the hand (for 1 damage), splashing the door with his hand blood. The door vanishes, and the party proceeds through it. Soon, they come across another sealed door, with yet another altar. This one has a block and a cleaver. Eckhart, by the charity of Rhaegar, removes a boot and chops off his pinky toe (10 damage). The door opens, and, once again, the party continues. Tyffani worries this is a Saw 5 situation, and that the challenges are going to get worse and worse. She wants to volunteer for the next one so that she doesn't have to cash in in the future. And that's show biz. Kid. What she sees is just a magic sword. Adira Detects Magic, discovering it to be Necromancy Magic. Tyffani approaches and touches it, cutting her finger on it. Nothing happens. After the party tosses around a few ideas, Tyffani suddenly gets the urge to slay Tephiroth with the sword. She runs toward him, blade first, stabs him right in his torso. He falls to the ground. Tephiroth is dead.

The door opens. Eckhart casts Revivify on Tephiroth, and it is successful! Much to Tephiroth's chagrin, Tephiroth is alive. They decide to take a short rest, granting Tephiroth all his hit points back. The path ahead is clear, and leads directly to the Inner Sanctum of Orcus. Dibs on that band name. Tyffani hugs everyone and tells them how great they are, granting them inspiration, and teary eyes, probably. They enter the chamber. Inside is a 30-ft tall creature, resting on a throne of bones, another band I'm starting. This is Orcus. Tephiroth draws his sword, which angers the god. He attacks.

It is quickly made clear that Orcus is a formidable opponent. In the first round he takes two legendary actions, one lair action, and one standard action. He is quite fond of the spell Chill Touch, which grabs onto a person, doing necrotic damage, as well as preventing them from gaining any hit points back until the start of that person's next turn. He also summons six ghouls, a Zombe T-Rex, and a Death Knight. Aelar is able to take out four of the ghouls as soon as they appear, while Eckhart summons a Guardian of Faith, which bears a sword and a shield, upon which is the sigil Eckhart himself bears, that of a book with horns. He also casts Divine Favor on his blade.

The episode ends mid-combat.


Seven noble(ish) adventurers are summoned by a wizard named Bigby to his castle. Bigby tells them that they are to fight the god of undeath himself, Orcus. He teleports the seven of them to Orcus' Lair. They face three increasing challanges. In the first, Tephiroth has to cut himself and offer his blood. In the second, Eckhart has to chop off his pinky toe. In the third, Tyffani slays Tephiroth, although he is immediately brought back to life by Eckhart. They take a rest, regaining their hit points, then enter the final door where they meet Orcus. The fight begins. Orcus summos some ghouls, a death knight, and an undead T-rex, and Eckhart summons a Guardian of Faith. The episode ends mid-combat.


  • This episode and the next one were recorded during the GeeklyInc TableTop Day 2018, to raise money for the Alzheimer's Disease And Related Disorders Association
  • Everyone in the party is level 20!
  • Tyffani plays "Free Bird" on the bagpipes, because this is a good show for good people
  • Tyffani AND Nika wear Kat Von D eyeliner

Quest Log Updates

  • [NEW][Active] - Slay Orcus!


Combat Begins vs Orcus

  • Initiative
    • Tyffani - 26
    • Aelar - 15
    • Adira - 15
    • Adira's Cat
    • Orcus
    • Eckhart - 11
    • Tephiroth - 9
    • Neev - 7

Round One

  • Tyffani
    • Casts Haste on Tephiroth
    • Shoots Oathbow (whispering "You're my best bitch") - 23
      • Hit - 8 magical damage

  • Orcus (legendary action)
    • Casts Chill Touch on Tyffani - 24
      • Hit - 8 damage (resistant to necrotic damage) (can't heal until start of next turn)

  • Orcus (lair action)
    • Summons 6 ghouls

  • Aelar
    • Casts Steel Wind Strike on 5 ghouls - Nat1, ??, ??, ??, ??
      • Miss, Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit - kills four of them
    • Teleports to the nearest ghoul

  • Orcus (legendary action)
    • Casts Chill Touch on Aelar - 19
      • Hit - 22 necrotic damage (can't heal until start of next turn)

  • Adira
    • Casts Enervation on Orcus, requiring a DEX saving throw - Nat20
      • Success - 19 necrotic damage
    • Runs out the door

  • Adira's Cat
    • Bites at Orcus' ankle (Nom nom nom)
      • Hit - 1 damage

  • Orcus
    • Summons a zombie T-Rex and a Death Knight

  • Eckhart
    • Casts Guardian of Faith, summoning a spectral guardian within 10 feet of the two new monsters (also the two remaining ghouls), requiring DC 18 DEX saving throws
      • Death Knight - <18
        • Fail - 20 radiant damage
      • Z-T-Rex - <18
        • Fail - 20 radiant damage
      • Ghoul 1 - <18
        • Fail - 20
      • Ghoul 2 - <18
        • Fail - no damage
    • Casts Divine Favor on his blade

Episode Ends Mid-Combat