Episode 277 - Welcome to Elysium

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"There ain't no way this is gonna go easy. You know that, right?" ~ Toby Treacletart

"You're, like, on the anvil, and they're the hammer." ~ Michael DiMauro, DM


Episode 277 - Welcome to Elysium

Time to go to literal heaven. We are sure that nothing bad will happen in literal heaven. Time to kick back and relax and drink whatever Pelor and his buds drink. Probably some sort of like…wine made out of…grapes. I almost feel bad for how easy this next step in our Orb Mystery will be. Anyways what is that sound and why does it feel like 43 trains are coming our way.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

The morning after their performance review, The Tower of Grey is led by Old Ben Dilladong to a magical portal that will take them to Elysium, where the missing Prince Thom Harper is said to be. Toby is excited to meet the late King Titus Harper, wanting to get his autograph. Frank Ubell tells them that Elysium is supposed to be beautiful and serene, with rolling hills and streams, etc. Toby asks Lahni to give him The Orb, which she does. He presses the Elysium button, bringing up the shimmery image of rolling hills and streams, etc. There's also a tiered city that Skud knows to be named The Last Respite, home of Pelor. After much prompting from Michael, the gang enters the portal, which functions just like a portkey. It transports them to the outer planes of Elysium! As they step through, Lahni notices that two of the lights on the Orb start to flash red: one for Elysium, and one for the metal walled city in a very hot place.

Standing before them are the huge gates to The Last Respite. Marching behind them is a massive, seemingly endless army! Overhead, a cloud of arrows is fired from the city toward the army, which is made up of terrifying giant orcs, wearing sets of black plate armor, and astride myriad beasts, including enormous wolves, huge warhorses, rhinoceroses, and even massive black rats. Behind the calvary are the foot soldiers, numbering in the hundreds of thousands. Among their number are war machines: battering rams, catapults, scorpions, and rolling towers. All of these being pushed by giants, adorned, too, in sets of black plate armor. And leading the charge, is Gruumsh One-Eye, Orc God of Death and Destruction. He throws a massive spear toward the gates of the city, nearly striking our heroes. They are able to jump out of the way, however, Skud is hurt by some falling debris from its collision.

Toby quickly casts Major Image to create a wall of adamantine around them, giving them more time to think. Immediate the cavalry crashes against the wall, but can't get through. Yet. They need to come up with a plan, and quickly. Lahni suggests Toby use his Robe of Stars to send them the Astral Plane, and then they can come back later, but Toby requests that be their plan B. He tries to get Skud to summon a bunch of demons again, but they decide not to do this, as summoning a bunch of demons in Elysium, would probably send the wrong impression, in addition to maybe not being crazy super effective against an army of this maginitude. A small, rat-sized horse sneaks through one of the holes forming in wall (which Toby repairs). Lahni catches it an puts it in her ferret pouch, but not before it bites her.

The gnome then does something very sneaky. He casts the extremely powerful ninth-level spell Wish, but uses it to cast the eight-level spell Mighty Fortress, causing a giant fortress to appear in the middle of the battlefield. It is square, has four turrets (one on each corner), and is 100 feet wide and 30 feet tall. Inside the fortress is a small keep for them to stay in, which contains a plethora of food for them, as well as 100 invisible servants who will do anything for their master. This is the Jerk Yurt II! Toby calls it Library's Lance, and commands his servants to fire crossbow bolts at the foes. Outside, celestial beings from Elysium fire arrows into the Orc army, and cut down those getting too close. They also fire arrows at Library's Lance, unaware of who created it. Toby Prestidigitizes a giant glowing sign that tells those in The Last Respite that they are allies, and not to attack them. Rowan yells out at them for her half-brother-in-law (?), King Titus Harper. A creature from inside the city wearing golden armor and the head of a bear growls at them to "Get the hell down here!"


The members of the Tower of Grey take Old Ben Dilladong's glen-based portal to Elysium. They appear in front of the walled city The Last Respite, currently being attacked by an Orc army, led by Gruumsh One-Eye himself! Toby creates a giant fortress around them, revealing that he has the Wish spell, and then a creature inside the city wearing golden armor and the head of a bear growls at them to "Get the hell down here!"


  • #toilettroubles
  • Toby is boyhorny for Titus Harper
  • Frank got a Belt Buckle of Accounting from Melora
  • Jennifer, Bachmann, and Tim had some game of not making a Letter Kenny reference or some shit. Tim lost

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Tim - Nat20 - roll-off - 16
    • Bachmann - Nat20 - roll-off - 8 - Bapped
    • Nika - 2
    • Jennifer - 19

  • Toby rolls Arcana to see what's up with the orb - 29
    • He knows just how to use it

  • Skud rolls Religion to see what he knows about Elysium - 22
    • He knows this is the home of Pelor, named the Last Respite

  • They all make Dexterity saving throws to avoid the leader's spear
    • Skud - 11 16
    • Toby - 22
    • Lahni - 9+11
    • Rowan - 19
      • They all succeed, except Skud - 20 damage

  • Toby rolls Arcana or History or Nature to see if he knows the giant creature - 3+12
    • He thinks it is a being of great power

  • Skud rolls Religion for the same goal - 27
    • He knows it to be Gruumsh One-Eye

  • Rowan rolls Persuasion to convince The Last Respite that they are friends (aided by Toby) - 19
    • Success