Episode 300 – Swords and Sobriety Episode 1: Tavern Troubles

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"You will be my friend. You Will Be My Friend..." ~ Doctor Rogers

"We're Cheek to Cheek." ~ Jessica Cheeks/Jennifer Cheek


Episode 300 – Swords and Sobriety Episode 1: Tavern Troubles

Few Podcasts survive to make their 300th episode and we probably would have been one of them if not for you! We are not kidding – we would have quit a long time ago ha ha. You choosing to join us for this wild ride has meant so, so, so, so much to all of us! Now we ask you to join us on our next journey. Our next safer and more ad friendly arc. Our answer to “wait, they just get drunk and play D&D…no thanks”. Our earnest desire to be respected by WotC. Please respectfully, minding the local sound ordinances, for Swords and Sobriety Episode 1.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

In the healthy and wholesome town of New Newfoundland Land, in the newly renamed land of Soberos, life is good. All of the things that lead to bad behavior, such as taverns and dance halls, have been outlawed. They do allow outsiders in, due to a group of them helping save the city back in its early days. However, things are taking a turn for the negative. A freak summer snowstorm destroyed their crops, and lasted for two weeks. As a means of preparing for the true winter, they were forced to something they weren't entirely proud of...

Mayor Ballard calls a meeting of the town, which includes Terrific Terry, Jessica Cheeks, Doctor Rogers, and Becky (Each members of Becky's group, The Baby-sitters Club. He makes a very important announcement: that, in an effort to boost the welfare and wealth of the town and its citizen, he has made a deal with Mendelov's Marvelous Rainbow Tavern Company, allowing them to open a franchise here in New Newfoundland Land. There is some discord around the villagers about this. To make matters worse, he tells Terrific Terry that he allowed Mendelov to use the orphanage/library as his base of operations. Terry is furious at this, but Ballard reassures him that Mendelov has promised to build an even better orphanage/library instead.

At this time, the crew from Mendelov's arrives by wagon. There are five of them, all brothers, each wearing different rainbow colors. They begin handing out toys and salted potatoes to the children of the town, but Terry is able to convince them all that the Mendelov boys are bad, so the kids begin throwing said potatoes at the intruders.

Later that night (trust me), everyone finds that the orphanage has, indeed, been taken over by Mendelov's. The rainbow logo hangs over the door, and they seem to be setting things up. Terrific Terry sneaks around town and plants a kiss on the window of each of his friends' homes, the calling card of the Baby-sitters Club. This is a message for everyone to meet up at Becky's place, a bee infested boxcar? I'm assuming this is a reference to the Boxcar Children, but I've never read it, so I don't know. (Actually, they meet up at Doctor Roger's place. There's a lot of retconning that happens in this episode. I can only assume this is because I made Tim angry by remembering the sinful episodes, so the cast has to enact their revenge upon me, the Wiki editor.) Anyway, The Baby-sitters Club meets in the dead of night, and discuss what they can do about this terrible Mendelov situation. They know that they have to get rid of them, but how? It begins to rain, and storm.

Lightning crashes outside, incredibly close. Noticing that it probably struck somewhere in town, they all leave and head that way. In town, a crowd seems to be gathering. At the center, smokes the charred corpse of Steven Curtis Chapman, friend of Jessica Cheeks. Jessica is, understandably, upset about this, despite Ballard's attempts to calm her. Becky and Terry say that they once saw SCC with a bottle of alcohol, and Doctor Rogers nose scans the body, detecting more alcohol. Further, a jar is found on his smoldering body that has three X's on it. Oh no! His body is taken away. This is also the spark (so to speak) that the party needs to get really mad at Mendelov's, so they can unite against them. Ballard attempts to remind them that a lightning strike is an act of god, and Mendelov's shouldn't be blamed for it. Becky thinks that magic could be to blame for the strike, but once again, Ballard informs them that it was kill lightning from the sky, not combat lighting from a wand, or focus, or whatever.

The party goes back to bed, and sleeps the night away. The next morning, they have a conversation about Doctor Rogers' train/puppet situation (more retconning, his toy train, previously named Trolley, is now named Charlie). There is also smoke coming from Fred's Flax Farm. Fred is (was) Terry's friend, whom's home he slept at for some reason. Terry runs there, leaving a Terry shaped hole in the wall, and sees Flax Farmer Fred's charred corpse. It seems, Ballard explains, that he knocked over an oil lamp, and was lit aflame, not struck by lighting. He asks for Becky's friend Stephanie to be brought over to move the body to the morgue. She does that, and after some nonsense, there is a scream. Gregums, the mortician, carries out Stephanie's now frozen corpse! He says that she walked into the freezer and was flash frozen!

They Baby-sitters Club reconvene once more, and decide that this is all most certainly the work of Mendelov's. They will have to do something drastic about this. Terry suggest rough-housing them (which is naughty). The others are varying degrees of resistant to this idea, but then Ballard approaches, with the acid-burned corpse of Wacko, Rogers' puppet friend. Charlie/Trolley is also dead. Ballard is now starting to suspect that this is, indeed, the work of Mendelov's, and he suggests that the Baby-sitters Club go investigate the tavern. Becky, as a rogue, believes that she can do a sneaky, and the others agree.

That night, the Club meets up outside the orphanage. Becky unlocks the door and they all sneak inside. They can hear noises coming from a hallway that Terry knows leads to a well that, once, long ago, a child fell down and was never heard from again. The hallway has been locked up ever since. The party follows the hallway down to another locked door, where Jessica casts Light to illuminate the area. Marked on the door are some strange runes, and when Becky touches it, a mouth appears. It tells her that she must do a swear, so, looking to her friends, she says "Aw, hell." The door opens to reveal, another door. This one tells Jessica that she must break something of her friends, so she snaps the neck of Jumbles, Terry's horrific puppet (wouldn't this break his wrist?). The door opens to reveal, another door. This one tells Terry that he must steal something that isn't his, and he already stole those toys from the kids, so done! The door opens to reveal another door. This one tells Doctor Rogers to drink some alcohol, which he reluctantly does. The door opens to reveal...

A dark room. In the center, a pentagram. Drawn in blood. Four of the five points have the heads of Steven Curtis Chapman, Flax Farmer Fred, Stephanie, and Wacko. From behind, they are shoved, and standing in the doorway are the five Mendelov brothers. They remove their disguises, revealing themselves to be multi-colored Dragonborn! A blue, a red, a green, a white, and a black Dragonborn. All colors of the chromatic, evil-worshipping dragons. They move in to attack, paralyzing all four of the Baby-sitters Club. Unable to move, they watch in horror as the Green Dragonborn leans over Jessica Cheeks, and breath poison directly into her face. She dies. Her head is removed. It is placed on the final point of the pentagram. It lights up in all five colors of the chromatic dragon. The earth shakes, and from the center, five dragon heads emerge. The god of dragons herself is pulled into the world.

Tiamat is born.


In the wholesome and peaceful town of New Newfoundland Land, Mayor Ballard is forced to make a hard decision, to allow Mendelov's Marvelous Rainbow Tavern Company to build a tavern in their town. This enrages a local protectionary band of heroes, The Baby-sitters Club, made up of Terrific Terry, Jessica Cheeks, Doctor Rogers and Becky. Ballard attempts to persuade them that the tavern is necessary for the survival of their town, but after a series of grisly murders, the Baby-sitters Club is forced to take matters into their own hands. They sneak into Mendelov's one night, where they find a horrific sight. A pentagram, with the heads of the murder victims. The five Mendelov brothers appear, reveal themselves to be Dragonborn, and paralyze the heroes, killing Jessica Cheeks and removing her head. Once it is placed onto the pentagram, the ritual is complete, and the god of dragons appears. Tiamat is born into the world.


  • Jaela has been to New Newfoundland Land: Episode 144 - The Army of Bahamut
  • The freak snowstorm was caused by trouble in the Feywild, where Melora, the Queen of Spring, was kidnapped by Adira Harper. The snow ended when she was rescued by The Tower of Grey
  • Michael's brother-in-law is the trombonist from Five Iron Frenzy, Dennis Culp
  • I was sent to hell in this episode for remembering the old, naughty episodes
  • Terrific Terry gains Inspiration for not talking about Thom the Dragonborn's naughty regions
  • There is now a Chicago in Soberos

Quest Log Updates

  • [NEW][Failed] - Stop Mendelov from corrupting the town!


  • Recap
    • None

  • Terry rolls Sleight of Hand to "re-appropriate" the toys from the children - 17
    • Success

  • Terry does a Stealth check to sneak around town and plant a kiss on the windows of the homes of each of the Baby-sitters Club - 13+3
    • Success

  • They all roll Perception
    • Terry - 14
    • Becky - 15
    • Rogers - 2
    • Jessica - 5
      • Terry and Becky notice that the lightning was really close

  • Jessica rolls to see if she sees the train/puppet - 7
    • She does, everyone does

  • Becky rolls to lock-pick the orphanage - 2 12+3
    • Terry aids - 15
      • They are successful

  • They all roll Perception to see if they hear the voices
    • Jessica - 8
    • Becky - 6
      • They all hear noises

  • Jessica makes a Religion check on the door runes - 11
    • They are not religious in nature.

Combat Begins vs five Chromatic Dragonborn

  • Initiative
    • Black Dragonborn
    • Jessica - 14
    • Becky - 13
    • White Dragonborn
    • Red Dragonborn
    • Terry - 10
    • Green Dragonborn
    • Blue Dragonborn
    • Rogers - 6

  • Black Dragonborn
    • Casts Hold Person on Jessica, requiring a WIS saving throw - Nat1
      • Fail, she is paralyzed

  • Dragonborn
    • Casts Hold Person on , requiring a WIS saving throw -
      • Fail, she is paralyzed

  • Becky
    • Melee attack (rapier) - Nat1
      • Miss

  • White Dragonborn
    • Casts Hold Person on Becky, requiring a WIS saving throw - 10
      • Fail, she is paralyzed

  • Red Dragonborn
    • Casts Hold Person on Terry, requiring a WIS saving throw - 11
      • Fail, he is paralyzed

  • Green Dragonborn
    • Casts Hold Person on Doctor Rogers, requiring a WIS saving throw - 16-1
      • Success, he is NOT paralyzed!

  • Blue Dragonborn
    • Casts Hold Person on Doctor Rogers, requiring a WIS saving throw - 11-1
      • Fail, he is paralyzed

Combat Ends