Episode 304 - A Grand Battle

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{From left to right:} The prison form of Skud Derringer, Lahni Caplain, Rowan Grey, and Toby Treacletart

"'Fuck!' says Aludra" ~ says Jennifer

"Long have we been subjugated and died in wars for others! Today! Today we die, not for someone else, but for us! Each and everyone of you, think of your families. Think of the person to your left's families, and kill theirs!" ~ Rose Underhill


Episode 304 - A Grand Battle

Turns out there are lots of bad things going on throughout Drunkeros but luckily Queen Aludra has called her allies to defend Deephome. Listen as we play out a huge battle and repel thousands of enemies from the entrance of the dwarven home land of Deephome. Gasp as a mighty brontosaurus covered in goblins smashes the ranks of a dragonborn cavalry. Stare in awe at a dragons approach over the horizon!

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

In the land of Deephome, in the war council of Wyrmsbane Keep, Queen Aludra Wyrmsbane sits next to her wife, Jaela. The two are armed and ready for battle. Surrounding them are various other Dwarves and also goblins. The current situation seems to be that Deephome is being sacked by the Dragon Army, the same that was responsible for The Seige of Pelor's Hope. Some of the Dwarves feel that they need to escpae through the goblin tunnels connected to Deephome, though others feel that this is cowardly. A prominent Goblin general (Tim Lannings new character, he refuses to tell us her name) tells them that they have permission to use the tunnels, but she doesn't like the way the dwarves are treating them. Aludra calls her "Rose". Also present is Steve Meloncamp, who has his Iron Golem finally, but more importantly, he has eight horrific spider legs. Then Old Man Weck show up! He warns them all that the Dragon Army has penetrated their shields, and the assault is fully under-way.

Aludra, concerned for the safety of her people, decides that some of those who are able and willing, will stay and defend Deephome, while the weaker of them will retreat through the Goblin Tunnels, which the un-named goblin general allows. Bucky is also there, ready to fight. He's holding the Battle-Crazed Greatsword that was once wielded by Thom the Dragonborn. As everyone prepares for battle, Old Man Weck pulls Aludra aside and offers her a cryptic warning, that "he" is coming, but they know that it is a trick, that it can't possibly be him. He then leaves.

Together, everyone emerges onto the battlefield. Dragonborn of every color surround them. There are also kobolds and snake-folk. They are composed of different sorts of squads, those being the Spearmen, the Cavalry, and the Artillery. Those are the enemies. The heroes are also robust. Winston fights for them, as Artillary. They can hit any person on the field from any distance, without moving. The Spearmen can move one square per turn, while the Cavalry can move three squares per turn. There are also many other groups fighting for Deephome, including:

Aludra gets to go first, and she turns herself into a tree, granting temporary hit points to her allies. She then begins throwing electricity around, making herself truly one with the earth (Drunkeros earth?), and also killin' dragons. From there, the battle gets really wild. Rose Underhill proves a capable ally, causing an earthquake on the field, while turning herself into a Brontosaurus! What the fuck? The dragon-folk blow a loud horn, which calls a group of several real, actual dragons to the fight! There are five of them, each a different chromatic color, and on one of them, there is a figure riding...

The armies clash. Spells and shouts are flung across the battlefield. Goblins fight against kobolds, dwarves fight against dragonborn. Above, the chromatic dragons race toward them. The wood elves, at the command of Luccan, shoot arrows at the dragons, to little avail. Jaela wastes no time in blowing the whistle she received from Yazdir Dosh, summoning the dragon into battle. She appears almost immediately. Several of Rose's goblins die defending her in her Brontosaurus form. Soon, the dragon fleet makes it to the battlefield, and move to divebomb the heroes. It seems hopeless, until streaks of metallic dragon colors swoop in and collide with the bad dragons!

Making it out of the frey, and descending rappidly toward our heroes, is the red dragon. Riding atop it, is a familar figure, that Aludra, Steve, and Jaela recognize very well. This figure is carrying Blood Drinker...


Deephome is under attack from the Army of Tiamat! Whatever will we do? Aludra, Jaela, Steve, and Rose Underhill team up with myriad forces to fight off their draconic foes.

Luccan Swears

  • "Would you fuckin' knock-knockers hurry up and tell me what to do?"


  • Steve no longer has horrific and disgusting frog legs. Instead, he now has eight horrific and disgusting spider legs!
    • He also has the Iron Golem promised to him by Michael back in Episode 241
      • It has guns for some reason, and a sous chef hat
  • The entrance to Deephome is under the sea, actually. You have to boat on up to the mountains, and go under the water, somehow?
  • A rule is made that if a "piece" doesn't attack, they can move an extra space
  • There is a rumor that this dragon army is called The Army of Tiamat...

Quest Log Updates


  • So, the roll section is among the most time consuming areas of these articles. They make writing them a larger commitment, as opposed to writing the summary and other such data. I am running low on time in my day to day life between work and college, so I think for the foreseeable future, these articles are going to forgo the "rolls" section, and only have the recap rolls at the beginning. The rest of the articles will remain the same. One day I will go back and add the rolls in, probably when I am done with school. Thanks for understanding.