Episode 306 - What Hell to Travel Next

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Steve the Gnollem {Right} with his new Iron Golem friend {Left}

"I don't think we have a very wise party." ~ Tim Lanning, right before...

"I have a 20 Wisdom!... Lahni's dumb as fuck, but she's wise, cause that's all this country shit is." ~ Nika Howard


Episode 306 - What Hell to Travel Next

When you are face to face with Ioun the goddess of knowledge you gotta take advantage of it. Our heroes are about to journey into extremely dangerous planes so naturally they try to get as much info as possible. Apparently they solved the safer god problems and the next few are a doozy and a half. They all sound terrible. But being a hero means you jump into danger when called to do so. Being a living hero means you make sure you know where you are landing and if the air is poison.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

The episode opens with The Tower of Grey standing before Ioun, goddess of knowledge, with the ability to ask her any question they could ever want the answer to. Toby asks what the difference is between coriander and cilantro. There isn't one.

Lahni is curious about the device. Specifically, she asks if assembling it would result in a cataclysmic event. No doubt she is inspired by the events that began the Demon Apocalypse. Ioun says no, but the complete artifact would be able to kill a god, which is a pretty big deal if you ask me. Things then quickly devolve into a discussion of eggs and egg salad sandwiches. Ioun then politely prompts them to focus on the task at hand, and ask questions based on that, reminding them about The Orb, and the fact that there are still three location still to be determined. They know that one of the three locations is The City of Brass, a "massive, walled city, made out of gleaming metal". Another is a barren plane with a huge fortress made of dull metal, with legion of soldiers (that they know to be fiends) standing in perfect little lines. There's also a broken city, apparently on fire.

Rowan opens the Orb, and presses one of the buttons, revealing The City of Brass. Ioun recognizes it, telling them that it dwells in the Elemental Plane of Fire. It's a trade hub, one of the most popular in the outer planes. It's populated by the Efreeti. Specifically, they see the Elite Forge, which is most likely the location of the artifact. It can't be entered without the consent of the Efreeti Ruler, Emperor Natar DuMonte, who is quite fond of this special kind of tournament. One must compete in a series of battles pertaining to each of the four elements: wind, water, fire, and earth. Defeating each championship (which seem to take place within the Elemental Plane of that specific type), grants the victor a badge, and only when all four badges are obtained can one enter the Elite Forge. Before moving on to the next location, Lahni asks if there are any other gods in immediate danger, but Ioun says not really. Peril Level Yellow. Also, she confirms that Lannie, Lahni's missing brother, is alive.

They next show Ioun the dull metal walled city, with the soldiers. She recognizes this, too, as the central headquarters of the Ferrim Pecunia, the bank that Frank works for. He is, understandably, confused and upset by this, believing the headquarters to be in Pelor's Hope. Ioun corrects that this is the first layer of the Nine Hells, the liar of Tiamat herself! This is bad news, but the good news is that Frank's connection to the bank could help them infiltrate this headquarters. Cool! Also, Ioun warns them that it would be very bad if they were to use the completed artifact to kill all the bad gods. There must be balance in the universe, as a very wise man once told us. In fact, the only reason that The Tower of Grey are allowed to handle this whole thing is because Ioun and co. believe that they wouldn't try to do that.

They then show her the final location, the broken city on fire. This confuses Ioun, who says that this is not a real place, the device must have been tampered with. Lahni suggests that the plane they see might be a newer one that belongs to a lesser entity, which is possible. There's really not much else she can tell them about that.

Toby wants to know of a way to imbue Toby 2 with life, so that he can be a real boy. The only way Ioun can think would be to sacrifice a part of Toby's soul, or the soul of someone he's close to. She does point him toward a book in the library with more information on the subject, however. Before they leave, Toby asks is he is the smartest person in Drunkeros, (besides that ring thing), and he is! Congratulations!

They're all out of questions, so Toby goes and gets that book. Then they all regroup and discuss where to go next. Skud suggests going to the Nine Hells first, which is a good idea, since they know that Tiamat isn't there right now. Frank is still wigging out about the whole Ferrim Pecunia thing. He reminds us of his boss, Oseary Drakoolus, who surely would have told him if something untoward was going on with the bank, right? Toby suggests that they go to the branch of the bank in Pelor's Hope, and find something there that will allow them to enter the Hell Bank Branch. This will allow them to gather intel, rest up, take some time before they go to actual hell, since they just escape that hell prison and all that.


This episode is mostly everyone asking questions to Ioun. They get information about the locations on The Orb, and also what's the best Pizza place. One of the Orb locations is in the Nine Hells, and seems to be Frank's banks' headquarters, oh no! In the end, they decide to head to Pelor's Hope to relax, gather intel, and try to break into the bank branch there to see what they can use to help them, or something.


  • Michael's doing a Pokémon and I love it!
  • Bachmann asks about the Man with the Iron Skeleton, from his backstory, but Michael/Ioun is not prepared to answer that question
  • Also, Skud somehow sees the google search for the year 1998, and this is his whole thing now!
  • Frank's favorite food is some kind of bland gruel
  • Asmodeus lives in the lowest level of hell, ruling over all
  • The orb has a bit of the soul of one of the proto-gods that created it inside, rendering it impervious to magical influence
  • Ioun tells them that they can trust the Circle of Seven, with the exception of the rogue agent
  • Nika informs us that the librarian looks like the librarian from The Magicians
  • The worst egg is frog-spawn
  • Ioun promises Toby that he can return to apprentice under her once this whole god thing is wrapped up
  • Ray's Pizza on Seventh is the best pizza place
  • Skud's favorite food is Cracker Crunchers

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