Episode 312 - Banksona 2

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"I can't help thinking that these are Girl Scouts..." ~ Nika, on the Brownies


Episode 312 - Banksona 2

Our brave Bank Heroes continue their task of infiltrating the dread bank of Pelor’s Hope. Surely, whoever ate Gruebel McSnuggs lunch didn’t plan on The Tower of Grey to be on the scene! Whoa to all lunch stealers!

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

The Tower of Grey have just gotten jobs at the Ferrim Pecunia, and Becky Uumellma has given them their first assignment: to fix the printing press of one Doug Dimmadab. Toby gets to work immediately, pushing Doug aside, and he sees that the thing has a bit of a fairy problem, in the sense of, well, there are a ton of faeries living in the thing. They're like rodents in this context. Skud knows a random fact about the Brownies, that they're accustomed to farm life, so maybe if they bring in a pig or something, they'll be lured out? But no, one of the Brownies pops out and says that it's not true, and is quite rude about it. Lahni intuits that they're here for the ink: it's like liquor to them. Toby goes for the un-Toby-like action of trying to do a smash on one of them, but it catches the book he tried to use, and hits HIM with it instead! For his turn, Skud tries to grab one, but cannot. These things seem to be quicker than our heroes, so Lahni focuses on propping the machine up, grabbing some nearby office supplies. For some reason, there's now only 1 faerie, so Toby does a Nature Check to create an even more delicious ink drink thing. He is able to do this, and the last Brownie jumps out of the machine. They win! After that little bit of excitement, Toby is able to quickly repair the printing press.

Becky shows up and congratulates them, and presents them with another request. The Ferrim Pecunia coffee supplier, a man named Mulak Kurig, keeps trying to push some weird lemon zinger tea on them, when they really want regular, dark roast coffee, and can they please convince him to give them what they want? It's good timing, too, because here he comes! Lahni, without hesitation, walks up and knocks the box of tea right out of his goddamn hands. She lays into him, demanding the good stuff, but Mulak has none of it. Skud tries to convince him that it's against his religion to drink anything other than coffee, but Mulak, again, is very insistent on this tea. The dude leaves, and exits the Null Magic Zone, so Toby takes the opportunity to cast Geas to convince him to deliver coffee. He does it. Yay!

Becky has yet another quest. Yesterday, someone ate Gruebel McSnuggs' lunch. He's pissed, and refusing to turn in his reports. Hold on, just one second. Isn't there supposed to be an imminent and terrible danger of, like, gods going missing, and Adira Harper is out there somewhere? And we're dealing with this dude's missing sandwich? I just want to take a moment and appreciate this good and beautiful podcast that we have. Anyway, Gruebel McSnuggs looks and talks eerily like Frank Ubell, and his lunch was an olive loaf sandwich, and he wants it back. Toby tries to intimidate him, but can't. Skud tells him all of the health risks associated with his sandwich habits, rolling a Nat20 and scaring him into not wanting his sandwich back. But it's the principal of the thing. Lahni looks around his desk to see what makes him happy, but there's nothing but reports and shit. Toby notices a trail of mustard leading right to the desk of Elmer "Wax" Johnson. He questions the man, but is met with staunch denial. Skud catches him red handed, or, yellow handed, as the case may be, because he finds a mustard finger-print on his lapel. He runs, and Lahni catches him. Becky congratulates them, and fires Wax.

She says that they can go to the corporate retreat, but only if they can solve one more quandary. Kaeus Pebbleback won't follow the dress code, and needs to be taught a lesson. He's wearing short jean-shorts, and a half tank-top. Toby runs up and gives him a hug, hoping the ink on him will cover his nipples. Lahni grabs a bunch of random stuff to stick to the ink and cover him even more. Skud compliments his new look, and recites the bible, I guess, to show he was being offensive? It's unclear. Becky, once again, congratulates them, and allows them all to go on the company retreat! Including Rowan Grey, who's totally there!


The Tower of Grey have to complete a series of tasks in order to qualify to go on the corporate retreat to the hell dimension or whatever. That's the plan. So they do those tasks. They have to fix a printing press, get the company coffee supplier to actually supply them with coffee, find out who stole an employee's sandwich, and get a casual dude to comply with the company dress code. All in a day's work for a team of world-renowned, god-saving heroes.


  • The faerie creatures living in the printing press are Brownies
  • Gruebel McSnuggs is a Patreon name, given by Joseph Hearn
  • Ferrim Pecunia does not have a free-nipple policy

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Tim - 10
    • Bachmann - 2
    • Nika - 11