Episode 317 - The Vault

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"I'm here to eat ass and play DnD, and I've eaten all the ass." ~ Jennifer Cheek


Episode 317 - The Vault

Your heroes race deeper into the depths of the hell bank searching for the piece of the god killing puzzle. They have never experienced such a frightful lair as this but with the power of team work they will surely come out the other side.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

Previously, The Tower of Grey had fought past two robo-guards to get into the Ferrim Pecunia in what I am referring to, unofficially, as The Nine Hells. Well, one of them anyway. Toby fell during that fight, but now Skud is able to heal him with his magic. While the heroes ponder their next move (there's the door they came in through, the one the guards were guarding, and a third one off to the side), they begin to hear voices. Enter Grecky, pulling Azazel behind her. Seems these two are sneaking around to get up to some sexy mischief. Azazel's married, but it's probably chill or whatever. No #judgement. Anyway, the Tower of Grey ignores them and they all quickly duck through the previously guarded door.

At the end of the hallways therein, lays another door. Toby and Skud's combined Mage Hands make short work of opening it, and inside, a series of motion-activated lights reveal the contents of the room: an HR nightmare office, complete with cubicles, and staplers, and, most importantly, filling cabinets. There are also five large paintings on the wall, each of a different terrifying (probably) person, and each framed in a different colored frame. The subjects are thus:

The Framed Portraits
Name Department Frame Color
Kate Aurochs Human Resources (HR) Black
Lord Gorgos Accounting White
Grinky Grongus Quality Assurance (QA)/Customer Support Blue
Ser Roses of the River Maintenance Green
Zato Security Red

Like the entrance room, this room also has three doors: One they just came through, another on the other side of the room, and an archway that leads to a dark stairway. Toby uses some ink and magic to create footprints going through the other door, so they can go through the archway without people following them. They don't do that yet, however. No, first, Lahni goes around collecting pictures/sketches in the desk of employees' families. Toby Detects Magic, finding nothing too out of the ordinary, except for one of the filing cabinets which is magically locked. And here's where the fun begins.

Essentially, there is a debate about how to get into the cabinet. There is a keyhole on the door, but it's obviously too small for anyone to get through, right? WRONG! Because Toby has Polymorph, and can turn my girl Rowan into a sexy mouse. Also, Skud can cast Enlarge on the filing cabinet, making it big enough for the Rowan-mouse to get through. Hurray! But the cartoon doesn't stop there. First, Rowan rides Toby's Mage Hand over to the cabinet like a skate board, then gets her back half caught in the keyhole like Winnie the goddamn Pooh. It's all quite ridiculous. Eventually, she is able to get inside and look around, and see that all of the files seem to be employee records, so she seeks out the file for Ceth Lucid. Except it doesn't exactly say Ceth, but rather C.E.T.H., which stands for Cooperation and Efficiency Training Host. Ceth is a goddam robot! The contents of the file are nothing more than a bunch of ones and zeros, which isn't super helpful, so Rowan returns to the others and tells them what she found. After getting comically stuck on the way out, of course.

Well, now what? Nothing left to do here, so the party heads down the staircase, to the next level down. This floor is the QA/Customer Support level, which, as expected, is full of torture devices. It sucks, so they move down to the third level, Accounting. This floor is just a bunch of cubicles. Nothing too dangerous (besides corporate America, amiright), so they proceed. Now, they are on the final level, The Vault.

On the giant vault door (sure to be more than a foot thick, sorry Lahni), are five slots, for key cards. Each one is a different color, aligning with the portrait frames from earlier in this episode (It's also the chromatic dragon colors, for those who didn't piece that together). More pressingly, however, is another of those dome shaped cameras mounted above the vault. It lights up, and an alarm is sounded...


The Tower of Grey have finally entered the Ferrim Pecunia. After dodging past Grecky and Azazel making out, they find themselves descending to the vaults. Along the way, Rowan cartoonishly turns into a mouse and finds a file telling them that Ceth Lucid is actually a robot! Eventually, they get down to the vault door, where they find five slots for card keys, one of each dragon color, and a camera that sees them and alerts the bank of their presence.


  • I thought his name was Keth, it turns out it was Ceth, actually, it turns out it was C.E.T.H.
    • Seems Michael thought the same thing

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Nika - Nat20 - Bapped
    • Bachmann - 9
    • Tim - 14
    • Jennifer - 17
    • Michael