Episode 348 - Dr. Varmus Gremp's Monster

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An Angsty Teen named Bucky

"I have never had such a solid shit in my whole life..." ~ Lahni, on her near-death experience

"I should be offended, but I'm not." ~ Rake


Episode 348 - Dr. Varmus Gremp's Monster

More Bone Card action but this time it is for a good cause! Hopefully your heroes are able to take down the evil Dr. Varmus Gremp and stop his nefarious schemes!

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

Lahni and Rowan are concerned that Braenth has seemingly been talking to himself, but decide not to press the issue. Instead, they land their airship, The Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, on the cloud in front of the giant cloud castle. They find themselves in a large garden, full of grapes the size of a fist, apples the size of basketballs, pumpkins the size of a Ford Focus (that's the car I drive!!!). And, a Giant guard blocking the main entrance. Not to worry, though. Skud is able to casts Feeble Mind on it, and tells it that they went that-a-way. With the door cleared, the gang is able to enter the castle.

As expected, everything is over-sized. There are towering tables, behemoth bannisters, and imposing interior decorations. In the interest if time, Michael allows them to just find what they are looking for: a secret door concealed behind a megalithic bookcase. Lahni doesn't even reach a quarter of the way up the door. And, on the front of it is a plaque that reveals the Giant's name: "Dr. Varmus Gremp".

Quickly, a plan is formed: they pour oil all over the floor, and make a ruckus that calls the Giant out of his room. Once he's out, he slips and falls on his little tuchus. Well, large tuchus, I should say. In any event, the party takes this opportunity to do stabs, at least until the Giant stands up. Braenth casts Enlarge on his own self, making him, not quite as big as the Giant, but still pretty big, and fights like that. It's all pretty cool, and eventually, when the Giant is wounded enough, Skud's Bone Card begins buzzing. Also, while this is going on, two gross globs of greenish-grey goop begin to slime over and attack. These seem to be Gremp Globs, and they bestow the disease on whomstever they touch (and fail a CON save). Unfortunately, they attack Rowan, who is played by Jennifer, so she fails her CON save. She gets Gremped! Oh no! She is able, however, to take the Bone Card and attach it to one of her arrows, and send it flying at the Giant. After a not-so-suspenseful couple of seconds, the creature is caught. Hurray!

Suddenly, a voice echoes through each head in the room. It asks who stole it's kill. The Tower of Grey members look around confused, until they see Braenth addressing his... sword? He wraps it up in cloth, telling it that it's already had a kill today. He then explains that the sword is inhabited by the soul of his former swordsmaster, who was, conveniently enough, slain by that very giant, whom the sword soul now wants to kill. This would all be well and good, except now, Braenth demands the card...

Actually, it's no big deal, because Skud just agrees to trade for it. He gives Braenth the Giant, in exchange for three of his cards. An owlbear (trash), a gold-foil white dragon wyrmling (rare, but trash), and 1 Astral Dreadnaught (actually a good card, Michael allows the trade because I guess the Dreadnaught is comparable to the Giant. Fine.) Also, Lahni finds some antidote and there's a funny scene where Akkiooooooo has to stick Rowan in the butt with the syringes. It's very good.


There is a guard guarding the door to the giant castle, but Skud is able to Feeble Mind it, making it walk away. The party enters the castle and eventually finds Dr. Varmus Gremp, the giant. They trip him, then attack, until eventually, Rowan arrow-shoots the Bone card at it, trapping it. Skud then trades the newly captured Giant to Braenth because it killed his former swords master, in exchange for an astral dreadnaught card, as well as two trash cards (an owlbear, and a limited-edition, gold-foiled white dragon wyrmling). Also, at one point, Rowan got Gremped, but they found some antidote syringes, so she's fine.


  • The Giant guard's Intelligence mod is -1. Just like Lahni
  • Lahni can speak every language as long as she's heard it before
  • Rowan's afraid of needles
  • Once again, Akkiooooooo can speak, because Michael allowed it in Episode 275
  • There is still some antidote left over, so hopefully, the party will remember to bring it back down and heal everyone on Drunkeros

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Bachmann - 17
    • Nika - 8
    • Jennifer - 16
    • Fred - 14