Episode 349 - How to Kill a Dragon

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Rowan Grey and Hoby

"I've got decent History!" ~ Jennifer Cheek

"You guys are shittin' in tall cotton!" ~ Lahni the Wise


Episode 349 - How to Kill a Dragon

Two out of three super powerful bone card monsters down! Now, to change the face of Drunkeros forever- Time To Kill Pyre.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

The Tower of Grey all finally meet up in The Tower of Grey, where they begin exchanging notes. Also, they meet with Older Man Weck, who also has information for them. Pyre has stopped meeting with people, instead having his Seneschal, the Governor of Mastwick, Morgan Wraith, meets with people on Pyre's behalf. There's also a Master of Whispers, who determines if anyone's talking mad yay on Pyre, and gets them jailed for it. It's rumored that those imprisoned for such a crime are thrown into a large coliseum, where Pyre yums them up. There is some light in all this, however. The starving people of Mastwick are occasionally helped by the nearby village of New Newfoundland Land, under the control of the good Mayor Ballard. Ballard works with the Mastwick based Darkblades to smuggle food to the denizens of the city. In exchange for payment of course. It's a win-win.

Lahni gives Older Man Weck the cure for The Gremp that they discovered in the last episode, and preparations are made to spread the cure around. Toby, though, wants OMW to tell the world that it was Ashayara Dayne who discovered the cure, with the intention of bolstering her status and popularity. And also, so that she will owe them a favor. He also wants Ashayara Dayne to take control of Mastwick when Pyre is gone, so she should have her forces moved into place sooner rather than later. Lahni suggests that Pyre, like all dragons, can turn into a human, and OMW confirms this. Also, Eckhart Dayhammer is there, and will be going with them. It seems that Pyre and the forces of his city will be too strong to storm the gates, as it were, so the best course of action would be to use the Darkblades to sneak into the city, and attack Pyre using stealth, damage him just enough to throw him into a bone card, then have a large army of allies and, well, armies take control of the city in the ensuing chaos and power vacuum. There is a long list of possible allies that are referrenced: Luccan and Nyx will be able to help for sure. Toby wants to summon Yazdir Dosh to help, but doesn't have Jaela's whistle. They also reference Lex, Wren, "The Wizard in the Woods", Watari, Skud's dog Squelch, the mushroom children Ralphie and Edgar, Rickety Nell, Old Ben Dilladong, Rolen Twentais, Stymer Dunkan, Erynn Colleen and Marlamin Windlore, Latigo, Nick Bristow, Rocket the Techno Dog. Those last three are from Shadowrun, which is a different universe/cannon to this one. Denton Glennchester, and Riekert Svenson are probably around somewhere. Also, Steve Meloncamp has probably finished working on his iron golem.

In any event, the party goes shopping, and then heads onto the airship, the D4C, where Rake will of course be going with them, as will Ava and Amber Reeve. Hoby will be coming with them, but Terrance and Toby 4 stay behind. Toby 3 is dead. Finally, FINALLY, they make it to New Newfoundland Land. The city is doing a lot better since we last saw it, despite the fact that there was a horrific dragon attack going on back then. They are met at the gates by the town guards, whom they ask about Tiamat, and why she just decided to leave. I guess things just weren't interesting enough to stick around. Oh well. The guards take them to meet Mayor Ballard, who Toby has a history with. He apparently visited all of the locations that the Ätlän-tã Fælcons went to, and met some of the important people there. Ballard greets them cordially, then introduces them to Footpad Boulderhill, a Darkblade from Mastwick who gives them even more information! He tells them about the situation in the city, referencing someone named Silga Darvo making people inform on each other. This must be the Master of Whispers! There's also the Master of Punishment. It's bad times in Mastwick. Also, Pyre lives on "The Spike", a tall tower in the city for the upper echelon. For now, though, Boulderhill can help them get into the city. But how? Why, the sewers of course! It should be find as long as they are in a disguise. After all, secrecy is key. They are relying heavily on the element of surprise!

Just then, the door is kicked in, and the Master of Whispers we mentioned earlier bursts into the room, giddy that she now knows everything...


Everyone finally meets up in the Tower of Grey. Older Man Weck meets them and helps them plan for their upcoming assault on Pyre. Mastwick is a terrible place to live these days, everyone is miserable and forced to spy on each other. Pyre sometimes eats prisoners who speak out against him. New Newfoundland Land (and its Mayor Ballard) have been secretly working with the Darkblades in Mastwick to get food to the starving people there, so that could be the way to sneak into the city. The gang gathers some supplies including Arrows of Dragon Slaying, and heavy armor for Skud. Then they head to New Newfoundland Land on their airship. They meet up with Mayor Ballard, and he introduces them to Footpad Boulderhill, a Darkblade who can escort them into the city by way of the sewers. Unfortunately, this conversations was overheard by Pyre's Master of Whispers, a Drow who kicks in the door.


NOTE: I want to add in this Inventory section. There was a section like this a while ago, but it was for changes, and I want this one to be a permanent record of everything they have. So here goes:


  • Bachmann got a green screen behind him, so he has strange images and gifs playing behind him throughout this episode
  • Skud is proficient in heavy armor, yet he never wears it. Hmmm...
  • Toby is in charge of a White Spire. I always forget that
  • The Arrows of Slaying are cool: if the target is the same type as specified on the arrow (for example, a dragon), then on a successful hit, the target must make a DC 17 CON saving throw. If they fail, they take an extra 6D10 piercing damage (Half on success)
  • Bachmann references the Wiki being somewhat reliable, depending on what you are looking for. This is incorrect. Everything in the Wiki is 100% percent accurate with no errors, whatsoever, times infinity whatever you say
    • That said, the Wiki at the time claimed that the last episode set in Mastwick was 135, when it was actually 248. Whoops!
  • Lahni was planning on burying her pee-paw next to her dog back in Arkensaw, but instead offers to bury Older Man Weck there. He agrees to it!
  • Skud's robe in the 90's drink cup pattern was given to him by his father
  • If Skud uses all of his 3rd+ level spell slots on Summon Lesser Demons, he could summon a total of 288 demons!
  • There are senzu beans in this world
  • Nika requests a Ring of Lightning Strikes (each charge give a +1 to attack and damage rolls, +1 charge for each critical hit, max of 6. 3 charges can casts Lightning Bolt at 3rd level. 6 charges, casts at 6th level)
  • Erynn Colleen and Marlamin Windlore are still in Toby's weird void zone
  • Toby has gone to every major location that the Ätlän-tã Fælcons visited
  • Mayor Ballard has family from Arkensaw
  • Footpad Boulderhill has been a Darkblade for 2 years

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Jennifer - 9
    • Nika - 8
    • Bachmann - 17 - For the fourth time in a row