Episode 359 - Momma's Home

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"Magsman, how do a couple handsome rakes like ourselves get into these fisting tournaments?" ~ Toby Treacletart

"I'm the Ivan Drago of fisting!" ~ Skud Derringer


Episode 359 - Momma's Home

On this week’s episode we steal a pie and other adventurous activities. Plus a blast from our past returns.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

The Tower of Grey are in the Darkblade Headquarters, but they've just been attacked by the forces of Pyre, that punk-ass busta. Magsman Calor tells them that they must have been made, and the HQ is no longer safe. Most likely, this is because Pyre has been scrying on Zelon, so now, the Darkblades must move, and Zelon must go elsewhere. After a lengthy and hilarious planning session, the final plan is to stash Zelon in the Astral Plane somewhere. Toby zaps off with him, while the others are taken to the Darkblades' safehouse. It's in the poor part of the city, more run-down and miserable than the not-much-less-run-down-and-miserable upper part of town. And it's underneath an abandoned building, so, extra secretive. Once there, Toby meets up with them, having dropped Zelon off in a Githyanki tavern. Together, they ask the Magsman about their next target, Xix von Stein. And they learn a lot.

Xix von Stein, known more efficiently as XvS, has a home outside of the Spike. It's in a nicer part of the town, downriver of the less nice part of the town. He's also a fan of Knuckle-Punching, this world's version of boxing, and is known to lay down a few gold against his preferred fighter every now and again, if you know what I mean. Perhaps it would be prudent, then, of our heroes to install themselves in tonight's game, between Glass Joe, and someone named The Gimp Master. That way, they can make it so that XvS's fighter wins, putting them in his good graces. And maybe there'll be an after party! Those are always fun! Anyway, since Lahni is already wearing a gimp suit, that seems like the easiest bet, so the party heads over to The Gimp Master's house to take him out.

Inside, they can hear him singing everyone's favorite song, "I'll Do Anything for 100 Gold." Despite this, they decide to go in with force anyway. Rowan shoots at him through the window with Kevimp's crotch gun, while Lahni jumps in and hog ties him while he's on the ground. Then, they just leave, giving him a note explaining that they'll be doing the fighting tonight, half a stale egg salad sandwich, and 167 gold, for his troubles. The Magsman escorts them to the fighting arena, and this episode is really just barreling through, isn't it. In fact, Lahni, posing as the Gimp Master, and Toby, posing as her manager, are immediately brought to the battle area, where the fight begins against Glass Joe, a small, weak looking fighter. Meanwhile, Skud and Rowan find that the richer patrons of the audience have their own boxes upstairs.

The party seems to now have the ability to communicate across distances, like an Avenger's movie, so they tell Lahni to fight, but not win or lose until they give the signal, which will be from Rowan. She will wear a blue rose behind one of her ears, if Glass Joe should win, or a white rose behind her other ear if Lahni/Gimp Master should win. Both roses if they don't know. With that, the two Greyers head upstairs to look for XvS. They find a compelling lead in the fact that only one of the boxes has guards on it, which is pretty telling. Skud is able to make short work of them, turning them into tiny babies, so he and Rowan can sneak past. That's about where their intelligence runs dry, however, so the next part of their plan is just to waltz on it to seduce the man inside.

As soon as they enter, they see the figure sitting at a desk. He's alone, a prim and proper, nondescript gentleman. But, he recognizes Rowan and Skud. And he says that his "son" told him a lot about them. And the illusion falls away to reveal the true identity of Xix von Stein. The mother of Bercy Hamhands!

Old Mrs. Hamhands!!!!!1!


Toby takes Zelon to a Githyanki tavern in the Astral Plane so he can't be tracked. Then, Magsman Calor takes the party to a Darkblades safehouse, before giving them a lot of information on Xix von Stein, or XvS. They make a plan to fix a knuckle-punching game tonight, by taking the place of The Gimp Master, one of the fighters. So, they go to his house, tie him up, and pay him for his troubles. They then go to the knuckle-punching arena, where Lahni assumes the position of The Gimp Master. Meanwhile, Skud and Rowan head upstairs to find Xix von Stein, learning that he is actually Bercy's mother, Old Mrs. Hamhands in disguise!


  • Akkiooooooo appears to be a nondescript pile of bones when not moving
    • Also, she is back in the prison of the Spike
  • Xix von Stein is clean as a whistle. He likes to bake cookies, garden, and gamble on knuckle-punching
  • The pie is strawberry and rhubarb
    • He used too much cinnamon
  • Skud disrobes at one point, allowing us to see what he's wearing underneath. He canonically wars a cropped tank top made of fish scales. It has text on the front of it that, Tim says, contains everything that they suggest, even the flubs and corrections. Because Tim hates me specifically. It says: "Juicy Bussy" on the back, and on the front, "But this bussy old. This is an old bussy, though. This bussy old, but it still get juicy. Could it say bussy bone?"
    • He's also wearing a "Reverse Speedo"


  • Lahni
  • Rowan
  • Skud
    • Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship
    • Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish
    • Sending Stone
    • Longsword of Wounding
  • Toby
  • Anyone
    • "Several" Potions of Fire Resistance
    • Potions of Haste
    • Dark Blade
    • More Sending Stones, just in case

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Nika - 8
    • Tim - 2
    • Bachmann - 5
    • Jennifer - 3