Episode 370 - Bonesplash 42

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"I fucked up, Skud!" ~ Lahni, who's doing great


Episode 370 - Bonesplash 42

Our Bonesplash battle starts now! Will your heroes become bone dust or will they dig deep into their marrow and crush the competition?! Listen now to find out.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

After all this time (seriously, so much time), the battle between Skud and the Champion of The Elemental Plane of Water, Jilling the Bonehammer has begun. Both champions have entered the Battle Arena, pyrotechnics and intro music a-blazin'. Jilling goes first, throwing out two Bone Monsters: A giant shark skeleton (piercing damage), which goes under the water, and a huge bone crab (bludgeoning), which runs at them. Those are the two actions they are allowed to take, so it is now Skud's turn. He sends out Lahni and Toby. Lahni runs toward the shark, and punches at it. Then, Toby turns the crab into a bird, which is automatically recalled into the card. For Jilling's turn, they send back out the crab, and then a T-rex (piercing)! The two creatures move toward our guys. The shark leaps out of the water to bite at Lahni. Ouch. Skud sends out Rowan, and uses his second action to "Pump" Rowan up, which gives her advantage. Lahni punches the shark again, this time attempting to push air into his lungs to inflate him, which works for some reason. The shark "dies" and returns to the card! Toby wants to get in on all this victory, and casts Finger of Death on the T-Rex, dealing a fuckton of damage, and "killing" it! Rowan goes after the crab, slamming two arrows into it. The first strikes true, dealing massive damage. The second arrow connects with the crabs outer shell. And bounces off. Oh no. It didn't work, right? Wrong! A crack forms on the shell of the crab, and it splits in two! Then, it returns to the card, defeated. That's three down! Three to go!

Jilling throws out the next card, a Roc coming shrieking out (slashing). The next card is sent out, a giant skeleton dragon turtle (also, slashing)! On a personal note, I need (NEED) to see a ton of fan art for this episode. It so so awesome I think my mind might just explode, because there's only so much awesome I can absorb at once and all this? This is too much for me, dude. Anyway, the Roc flies at Rowan, attacking her, and bringing her down to 2 hp! The Dragon Turtle breaths scalding steam in the direction of Lahni. She's hit, but not only succeeds in her saving throw (receiving half damage), but she's also phasing, so she receives again half damage, so it ain't no big D.

Skud returns Rowan back to her card, so that she can get her 10 hp/turn. Then, he sends out Pyre (slashing damage, and still very dumb). It flies at the Roc and claws at it. On Lahni's turn, she runs at the Roc, since it's closest to Skud, and kickpunches through the wings. Meanwhile, Toby casts Mass Suggestion on the Roc, which he then commands to roost for the winter. It immediately flies up to the stands to roost, sending several members of the audience running and screaming. He then runs behind Skud to hide. Now, it's Jilling's turn, and they send out their final card: a gargantuan Bone Kraken (bludgeoning damage)!!!


The Bone Card game commences. Jilling the Bonehammer sends out a Bone Shark, and a Bone Crab, while Skud sends out Lahni and Toby. Then, Jilling sends out a Bone T-Rex, and Toby sends out Rowan. The group fights, with Lahni defeating the shark, Toby defeating the T-rex, and Rowan defeating the crab. Jilling then sends out a Roc and a Dragon Turtle, while Skud brings back Rowan, who's wounded, and sends out instead Pyre. Finally, after more scuffling, Jilling releases their final card, a Bone Kraken!


  • The Battle Arena is a cylindrical shape, with a diameter of 120ft. We've already established that the actual battle-y part is a bunch of water with a standing area in the center that is 40ft diameter, and 6 bridges connecting it


  • Lahni
  • Rowan
  • Skud
    • Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship
    • Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish
    • Sending Stone
    • Longsword of Wounding
  • Toby
  • Anyone
    • "Several" Potions of Fire Resistance
    • Potions of Haste
    • Dark Blade
    • More Sending Stones, just in case
    • Potions of Underwater Breathing
    • Bag of Infinite Burgers
    • Bag of Infinite Moscow Mules

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Nika - 11
    • Jennifer - 4
    • Tim - 16
    • Bachmann - 2

  • Skud and Jilling the Bonehammer roll Initiative to begin the Bone Card Game!
    • Skud - 11
    • Jilling - > 11
      • Jilling Wins!

  • Lahni rolls to Attack the shark (Melee x2)
    • 23, 18
      • Hit, Hit - 32(x2) damage total

  • Toby casts Polymorph on the crab, requiring a Wisdom Saving Throw
    • 3
      • It fails, and turns into a bird

  • The Shark bites at Lahni
    • 27
      • Hit - 22(x2) piercing damage

  • Lahni rolls to Attack the shark (Melee x2)
    • 15, 25
      • Hit, Hit - 40(x2) damage
        • Kills it!

  • Toby casts Finger of Death on the T-rex, requiring a Constitution saving throw
    • 12
      • It fails, taking 62(x2) damage
        • Kills it!

  • Rowan casts Hail of Thorns to make her next attack do more damage, then does two ranged attacks
    • 27, 27
      • Hit, Hit - 68+38 damage
        • Kills it!

  • The Roc attacks Rowan twice
    • Nat20, 28
      • Hit, Hit - 45+40 damage

  • The Dragon Turtle breaths scalding water at Lahni, requiring a Constitution saving throw
    • 23
      • Succeed, only receiving half-damage (then half again because she's phasing) - 13 damage

  • Pyre attacks the Roc with his claw attack, then bites him
    • 15+17, 25
      • Hit, Hit - 15(x2), 23+15

  • Lahni melee attacks the Roc x4
    • 30, 23, 27, 29
      • Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit - 78 total damage

  • Toby casts Mass Suggestion on the Roc and the Dragon Turtle, requiring Wisdom Saving Throws
    • Roc - 17
      • Fails
    • Turtle Dragon - Nat20
      • Succeed