Episode 371 - Bonesplash 42 Part 2

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Episode 371 - Bonesplash 42 Part 2

Oh no, it is a freaking kraken! Aaaaaahhhh! It is so big and so gross and how… does it have a skeleton and bones and such everywhere? I get the body and face…but bone tentacles? We truly live in a cursed time.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

The Tower of Grey is in the midst of a fight with Jilling the Bonehammer, who has on the field: 1 Bone Roc, 1 Bone Dragon Turtle, and 1 Bone Kraken. Meanwhile, Skud, their opponent, has deployed 1 Bone Lahni, 1 Bone Toby, and 1 Bone Pyre. In the last episode, the Roc was Suggested by Toby to roost for the remainder of the fight, but, it's established cannon that each episode of Greetings Adventurers takes place in a separate but slightly tangent reality in which most of the events are the same, but with some slight differences. As a result, this version of the Roc is still in the fray, and swoops down to attack Lahni. It does, in fact, fail. The Dragon Turtle attacks Pyre, but also fails.

The Kraken reaches out with a tentacle and smacks Lahni, but instead of sending her flying, it grapples her, and flings her at Toby! Fortunately, he is able to dodge out of the way. Skud uses both of his actions to pump up Lahni and then Toby, so they have advantage on their turns. Lahni pocket-sands the Roc, grabs its legs and gnaws at it, killing it. Now, it's Toby's turn, and he casts Illusory Dragon, creating the image of a giant ruby dragon, which makes the Turtle Dragon freak out and run away from it. The new Dragon breaths a breath weapon, which hits both creatures. Pyre breaths fire breath on the two, which incinerates the Dragon Turtle! Jilling is down to their final card, the Bone Kraken! They pump it up, having no real other options.

The Kraken attacks Pyre, which hurts. Skud's turn again, and he pumps up Lahni and Pyre. Then, it's Lahni, who wants to do the Hercules thing where she ties up the tentacles in knots. It doesn't look good. Toby has the dragon Spit Poison on the Kraken, which doesn't do much. He then casts Lightning Bolt. Ouch. Finally, it is Pyre's turn. He's currently all tangled up in the Kraken's tentacles, making it easy for the Bone Dragon to bite at the creature. He bites off the tentacle, causing the Kraken to fall back into the water. Pretty badass, until Pyre looses his balance and also tumbles to the ground, embarrassing himself. But the Kraken is defeated!

The battle is over! Skud has won! He reaches out to Jilling, and the two shake hands. Not an easy feat, as they are a Storm Giant, but it works. They congratulate Skud on his victory, then The Maroness walks out, hugging them both. She then opens up a box and hands Skud The Water Badge! It's a small badge with a wave on it.


Lahni defeats the Roc, and Toby creates an illusory dragon that incinerates the Turtle Dragon. That just leaves the Kraken. After some awesome fighting, it's Pyre who deals the killing blow, defeating the Kraken, and ensuring Skud's victory. There are no hard feelings between Skud and Jilling, and the Maroness awards Skud with the Water Badge!


  • The Kraken has +17 to attack rolls with its tentacles!!!
  • Toby references not being able to do enchantment spells, despite being an enchantment card. Initially, he was evocation, but that was later retconned, even though evocation would be super useful in this situation


  • Lahni
  • Rowan
  • Skud
    • Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship
    • +Water Badge
    • Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish
    • Sending Stone
    • Longsword of Wounding
  • Toby
  • Anyone
    • "Several" Potions of Fire Resistance
    • Potions of Haste
    • Dark Blade
    • More Sending Stones, just in case
    • Potions of Underwater Breathing
    • Bag of Infinite Burgers
    • Bag of Infinite Moscow Mules

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Tim - 3
    • Jennifer - 4
    • Bachmann - 16
    • Nika - 8

  • The Roc beak attacks Lahni, then uses talons
    • 15, 18
      • Miss, Miss

  • The Dragon Turtle makes 1 bite and 2 claw attacks against Pyre
    • 18, <18, Nat1
      • Miss, Miss, Miss

  • The Kraken does 3 tentacle attacks at Lahni
    • 29
      • Hit, - 40 bludgeoning damage, also Lahni is grappled
    • Flings Lahni at Toby, requiring him to make a Dexterity saving throw
      • Nat20 - Not hit by Lahni

  • Lahni punches the Roc 4 times
    • 31, 28, 24, 27
      • Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit - 67 total damage
        • Kills It!

  • Toby casts Illusory Dragon, requiring a Wisdom saving throw from the Dragon Turtle, and the Kraken
    • Dragon Turtle - 8
      • Fail - Frightened
    • Kraken - 29
      • Success
    • The Illusory Dragon uses its Breath Weapon requiring an Intelligence saving throw from the Dragon Turtle, and the Kraken
      • Dragon Turtle - ??
        • Fails - 22 damage
      • Kraken - 21
        • Success - 11 damage

  • Pyre uses his Fire Breath requiring a DC 24 Dexterity saving throw from the Dragon Turtle, and the Kraken
    • Dragon Turtle - 12
      • Fails - 216 damage
        • Kills It!
    • Kraken - 24
      • Success - 54 damage

  • The Kraken tentacle attacks Pyre three times
    • 24, >23, >23
      • Hit, Hit, Hit - 120 damage

  • Lahni melee strikes the Kraken x4
    • 17, 22, 31, 29
      • Miss, Hit, Hit, Hit - 102 damage

  • Toby's Illusory Dragon uses Spit Poison, requiring an Intelligence Saving Throw from the Kraken
    • 20
      • Success - 11 damage

  • Toby casts Lightning Bolt at 6th level on the Kraken, requiring a DC 19 Dexterity Saving Throw
    • 16
      • Fail - 44 American damage

  • Pyre rolls to refresh his Breath Weapon
    • 2 - Nope
    • He then attacks the Kraken
      • 16+17
        • Hit - 14 damage
          • Kills It!