Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain

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Lahnik Caplain
(Nika Howard)
Lahni Caplain.jpg
Alias(es): Lahni
Race: Wood Elf1
Class: Monk
Status: Alive
Cause of Death:
Affiliations: The Tower of Grey
Appearances: First Episode: Episode 253 - Tower of Grey
Last Episode: ongoing
MISC Info: She didn't age2

From Arkensaw

Ferret Wine!

She's The Flash!

Standard Movement is 60 ft!8

Inspired by Florida Man10

How old is she?

Lahnik "Lahni" Caplain was a monk who sought out The Tower of Grey in their tower in Greenham. She agreed to join them and help them out on various missions in return for them finding her brother, Lannie. She wasn't particularly intelligent, but what she lacked in smarts, she made up for in speed.


Appearance and Personality

Lahni was about 5'5", had dirty-blonde hair, with some rough dyes in it. She was thin, with slightly toned muscles, wore a crop top, either with a high neck, or across the chest (depending on the time of day), loose, baggy pants, cinched at the ankles, and foot and arm wraps. She had a dead ferret wrapped around her waist like a fanny pack, which, unfortunately, contained a seemingly unlimited supply of Elven Wine, which she calls Ferret Wine. It's also possible that it contains a full bar10.

Lahni was fiercely loyal, and a a great companion to her friends. She didn't ask for much, and was really just happy to help. She wasn't overly burdened with intelligence, but she was very wise, and knew when she didn't know something. She also wasn't afraid to get into a tussle when the situation called for it. Using her monk ways, particularly Flurry of Blows, she often found herself doing the most amount of damage during an encounter.

She never backed down from a fight. Whether that was a good thing or a bad thing was judged on a case by case basis. During their imprisonment in Grull, she made an offhanded reference to the fact that she may be 102 years old. The canonicity of this joke it currently unknown. During that same time period, she mentioned that her mission was to move fast enough that she could travel through time, allowing her to go back and save her family from being poisoned21.


Early Life

Not much is known about Lahni's childhood. At the time she met the Tower of Grey, she had a missing brother named Lannie, and several other dead siblings: Lohni, Lehni, Lihni, Lohnei, Linguini, and Lahna. They were killed during an argument with a rival family, the Coymacs, over whether cake was better than pie or not. She was from Arkensaw, where they hosted a baking contest, and Lahni's family submitted a possum cake, with no possum in it (raccoons), which the Coymac family poisoned. Lahni was fine, because she doesn't need to eat1.

The Tower of Grey

She met with the Tower of Grey to ask for their help in finding her brother, Lannie, who was not dead1. They agreed, on the condition that she accompany them, and join the Tower, as an intern. Her payment would be egg salad sandwiches3. After joining, Toby Treacletart cut off her finger, with her consent, and used it to begin creating a clone of her. He also healed her finger4. They met Skud Derringer, who also joined the party. They fought Skud's Old Master, who was a reanimated corpse, but surprisingly fast. This was where Lahni revealed her incredible speed. She exchanged Flurries of Blows with the undead monk ad nauseum, her fist a blur of punchy fist-ness. It was awesomecitation not needed.

After defeating the Old Master, the group found The Orb, and Pyre attacked! The others gave the Orb to Lahni, as she was the fastest of them, and made a fake version of the Orb to fool Pyre with, though this doesn't work. Lahni peaced out with the Orb, narrowly avoiding his flame breath6. They all met up on their airship, the Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, where they began to discuss where to find Lannie. Lahni felt that they should go to the west, as their "peepaw" would always tell them to go there, but they were interrupted by the news that Prince Thom Harper had gone missing, and that they needed to find him. Lahni's Lannie problem was put on hold while they traveled to The Feywild to find the prince. While there, they were immediately attacked by spiders, and Lahni saved Toby and Skud from falling into their web7.

They were saved by Old Ben Dilladong, who's cudgel doubled as a bong. Upon learning this, Lahni immediately took a hit of his Silverweed Oil9. They made it to the lake, across which was the Castle of the Spring Court, which they needed to get to. They were attacked by a tentacled mass, which pulled their new friend, Nook Nimmlock, deep underwater. He presumably drowned11.

While attempting to access the Castle, Skud turned Lahni into a large Sea Raven, and Toby turned her invisible, so she could carry them all across the ocean to the castle. Once at the Castle, they met their arch-nemeses, The High Level Executive-Class Drow Supreme Fighting Force. Blue Berter challenged them to a Speed contest, which Lahni proudly volunteered for. The test was long and grueling12, and all hope seemed lost, but Lahni's sheer determination, as well as her ungodly speed pushed her ahead, and she defeated the lightning drow, finally, by throwing some of her Ferret Wine on the ground, tripping him. They become friends after this13. Finally, the party made it to the main room in the Castle, where they found Melora, Queen of Spring, trapped within the Jade Pyramid. This whole time, Lahni had to the Orb, and she brought it out, touching the two artifacts together. When she did this, they became linked, and the force trapping Melora was disbanded, freeing her. As thanks, the goddess granted each of them a gift; Lahni's gift is a special bag of beans, it's function is to this day unknown. Lahni asked about her brother, but Melora only responded "When Lannie is ready to be found, you will find him"14.

During their fight with Thirst, Skud and Lahni switched bodies, and it was very funny15.

Climbing the Tower

Lahni with a moss creature

During the Tower of Grey's first annual performance review, Lahni revealed that her greatest regret was letting Nook die, instead of saving him. She also revealed that her father wore used handkerchiefs as clothes for some reason16.

At one point, in Elysium, Lahni caught a rat-sized horse, and put it in her Ferret bag, but not before it bit her17.

Still in Elysium, the party was tasked with finding out who killed Tilly and Donnybrooke, two guards. They met the killers inside Modean 7, a local tavern, and Lahni volunteered to go find Sal, the Street Meat Vendor, so that Sal could distract the killers and lure them away from the public eye. It was a weird plan. While she was going to get him, she saw that the Orc Army of Gruumsh One-Eye was breaking through the walls. She went back, with Sal, and told her friends18.

Lahni helped Skud find a Monster Fight Club in Gritty's Tavern, before she and the rest of the Tower headed to the Shadowfell to find Adira Harper, and the missing god Pelor19. There, she was interrogated in Grull, revealing how fast she was, and not pleading guilty to their phantom crimes20. She was thrown into a cell with Bercy Hamhands, who told her that the needed to take down the biggest man in the prison to show her strength. He pointed her toward The Whale, a giant man whom Lahni made it her mission to punch into submission21. She did this, with the help of Bercy and the other members of the Tower22. She was assigned to Library Duty for the prison, taking on Toby's responsibility to steal a book from there, Oric's Compendium of Alchemical Tinctures and Solves23. She met the Old Librarian, Jeor, who told her that he know how to get into the Restricted Section of the library, where the book was sure to be, but Jeor was not going to tell her. His raven, however, continued shrieking the word "Corn!", resulting in Lahni believing that, if she were to give some corn to the bird, it might tell her how to get into the Section. She did help Rowan get some sausage casings, in the meantime, after Rowan caused a distraction. Lahni grabbed some of the sadistic guard Stymer Dunkan's sausages from his plate. The guard didn't notice, making a reference to his "90-Sausage Challenge". Lahni asked about this, and what the prize was, to which Dunkan replied that he would be allowed to eat one of the prisoners, looking Lahni dead in the eye as he did so. She pushed even further by reaching out slowly and touching one of the sausages. The guard just warned her to go back to her seat, which she did. She then handed the sausages over to Rowan24.

The next day, Rowan was able to get some corn, and gave it to Lahni. Also, Skud was given the assignment to kill Stymer Dunkan, who Lahni was trying to befriend, thinking that he had a secret heart of gold, or something? Who knows. This took a step forward when one day at lunch, there was a surprise inspection, led by Dunkan. Lahni took some sausage and did a sneaky thing, stepping playfully on Dunkan's foot, while secretly planting the sausage in his pocket. Angry, Dunkan swung at her but missed, and went falling to the ground. Somehow, Lahni was able to switch their positions, so she was falling, and him upright. He grabbed her then, and brought her to her feet. The two locked eyes, shared a moment, before Dunkan snapped out of it, and sent her on her way. She went to work, and took the corn with her. Lahni was able to successfully feed it to the raven, after Jeor went to sleep. It just wanted more and more, so eventually, Lahni threw some into the restricted section between the bars. This caused the bird to fly over to the desk, grab a key, and fly into the RS, the bars of which magically opened. Lahni walked in, grabbed the book (replacing it with another one), and left. She gave the book to Toby at dinner, who took it to his roommate Steinar Ulth.

When Skud and Rowan went missing after going to fight Skud's enemy, The Baus, Lahni suggested that she and Toby go find Skud's roommate, Jimmy Skaags. They found and questioned him, learning that they had been sent down into something called, "The Pit", and that they, as allies of Skud, were next. Later, the two went to The Baus's lair and, while invisible, Lahni opened the trapdoor and shoved the Baus into it, killing him. She then carried Toby down into the Pit where Skud and Rowan were waiting. Toby searched the body, and found the map that would lead them out of this Pit, which they followed. At the end of the tunnel was a wounded Eckhart Dayhammer, whom they saved from certain doom! He was able to lead them to their effects, locked up in impound, but as they were breaking through the door, many guards surrounded them. There was a massive, confusing skirmish, involving summoning demons, and blink dogs, and smoke bombs. They used this distraction to sneak into the impound room, where they met and saved Frank Ubell! They also found all of their stuff, and some new goodies. Lahni found a pair of Boots of Phasing, that allowed her to pass through walls that where 1 foot thick or thinner. They also found and destroyed the blood room, allowing everyone to be able to use their powers once again.

After that, they turned to the task of freeing the god Pelor. Toby figured out where he was, and everyone went to there. Pelor, as well as the God of the Shadowfell, Torog, were both being held by Josail Longshadow, whom they fought and killed. They freed to two gods, and Pelor told them that Tiamat, the dragon goddess, has been unleashed into Drunkeros. Also, in order to learn more about the Orb, they should go speak with Ioun.

Freeing the Gods

After their escape from Grull, the party next traveled to the White Spire in Peleor's Hope, taking Bercy Hamhands and the others with them. They warned the Pelor's Hopeians about Tiamat, and then headed back to the Tower of Grey. Lahni offered Bercy a position at the Tower, which he accepted. There was a great celebration! They played Never Have I Ever, where we learned a lot about Lahni, including that she never fucked (and never really thought about fucking), and that she'd never had a family that'd lasted as long as they had. Lahni and Skud were made official members of the Tower of Grey!

The next morning, the members of the Tower traveled to The Great Library of Ioun, where the goddess taught them all about the Orb. It was a device made to kill gods, but was only useful to them when fully assembled. She also told them where two of the three remaining location were, and that the pieces of the orb could most likely be found there. One of those places was the first layer of the Nine Hells, specifically, the headquarters of the bank, Ferrim Pecunia. Frank worked for that bank, so they decided to go to Pelor's Hope once again, to go to the branch there and gather intel.