Long Johnson

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Long Johnson in all his glory.

Long Johnson was a one-winged from Jormond's Exotic Animals in Mastwick. He only knew the words "Cock" and "Balls", so, of course, the then un-named Ätlän-tã Fælcons had to by him for 5 gp. Initially purchased as a gift for Captain Hookbeard, Long Johnson flew into all our hearts. Missing "a few wings".


  • Long Johnson's name was very nearly "Steal Yo' Girl"
  • Michael DiMauro referred to Long Johnson as "Long John Dildo?" in a later episode, playing up the absurd nature of Junpei Iori's name choices.
  • L. Johnson was also considered part of a disguise as a wealthy foreign prince.
  • The party, at one point, thought about stealing Long Johnson, but taking a bird screaming "Cock" and "Balls" seemed difficult.