"Richard has abs, and sometimes we call him Dick." ~ Veronica Bucky wearing the skin of Yeenoghu
While we are mentally, spiritually and financially preparing ourselves for GeeklyCon 2015 we decided it would be just a hoot to release a series of very special Drunks and Dragons episodes. These were recorded during our Tabletop Day 2015 24-hour live stream. It was a blast and we had the pleasure of being joined by Veronica from Cthulhu & Friends as a guest DM. Since we never intended for these episodes to be recorded, or to be listened to, or to be saved forever I think it is safe to say that they are … unique. Unique in so many ways that I do not want to ruin the surprise. I will say that things get sexual almost immediately and there are some pretty bad accents. Which is fun.
Cast and Player Characters
- A futanari Eladrin
Standing before a set of wooden doors with a large keyhole in, Evil Steve laments the fact that the sexy pixie from last episode is gone. Rika sticks her hand in, and feels something wisp around her hand. She pulls her hand out quickly, and then feels something nuzzling against her neck. Tyvondrious knocks on the door, and after 30 seconds, the door slowly creaks open. They push their way in, and Ty speaks that he is there to kill a goat. A voice responds that there are no goats here. As they walk through the door, they each regain 5 hit points. They see a pool with many naked people getting in and out of it. All young and sexy, and many various races. An female Eladrin with an enormous penis approaches and tells them to make themselves comfortable, Melora will be here in while. As they look around, they notice that the others are naked as well, although they each know that they are wearing clothes, leading them to believe that everyone here is armed and armored, it's just all invisible. They elect not to fight.
A while passes. Mikal picks up a stick and antagonizes Evil Steve with it, telling him to fetch it and throwing it in the pool, so Evil Steve punches the man in the face. Ty is hurting, so he gets in the pool and is restored by half his total hit points. He gets into a splashing contest with a drow, before Evil Steve makes the sound of the drow asking Ty to kiss him. So he does. As it turns out, the drow is into it, and the two embrace, Ty noticing that the drow feels as if he isn't wearing any armor. After his... escapade, he reports back to the others, and asks Rika to touch him on his shoulder, whereupon she feels as if Ty, too, is wearing no armor. Back to square one. When Evil Steve enters the pool to see if there's a drain in it (there is), he regains all his dailies. Then he pulls the drain! Rain begins to fall in the room. Evil Steve is sucked in, but is caught, thus becoming the drain. He takes this opportunity to urinate, which activates that chemical that turns it red. Evil Steve is humiliated. This does cause his memories of Cheryl to come rushing back, and he begins to weep openly. After it's awkward for a minute, he is able to launch himself out of the drain and land on the ground. He still does have the drain, which he loops around his neck as like a shield or whatever.
Ty returns to his drow friend, calling him Bruce, and asks him about Melora. Bruce informs him that she will be here in about 10 minutes and also that he and the others are her guards. They meet again to deliberate, thinking maybe they can cause a distraction, but before they are able to formulate a plan, the pool finishes draining, and a blue light descends from above. Looking up, they see a beautiful figure, Melora herself. Evil Steve high-fives her, then jacks off onto her, because this show is bad, made by bad people. Melora, not really phased by this, begins planting kisses on the guards, which makes them disappear. The group decides to (naturally) avoid her. The crowd thins out, and she eventually makes her way to Tyvondrious, saying "My child, I am sorry that your time has come prematurely." Before the kiss, Ty swings his axe forward, and the fight begins.
To be continued...
The evildoers are led into a large pool room, to wait for Melora. Evil Steve drains the pool and steals the drain to add to his armor, and Tyvondrious seduces a drow. After a while, Melora herself shows up and begins dismissing all of her guards. The group waits for her to approach, and then attacks!
- Once again, Tim Lanning is attracted to Drow, finding them to be the sexiest race. This is a bit that has been recurring since the inception of the podcast
- Evil Steve has +1 to AC while wearing the drain around his neck
Quest Log Updates
- Ty rolls Bluff - Nat1
- That means Veronica rolls an Imma Die Die, meaning she will roll a percentile, and if it's above 60, Ty dies immediately. If it's 60 or below, he is fine - 55. Just barely. He is fine. For now.
- Tim rolls to see if Drow have body hair - 20
- Everyone rolls Perception
- Evil Steve - 19+12
- Rika - 19
- Ty - 16
- Mikal - 24
- Evil Steve and Mikal notice that everyone but their own individual selves appear to be naked, so probably everyone is seeing everyone else naked, and they aren't really.
- Evil Steve tries to punch Mikal in the face - 18+5 vs Reflex
- Evil Steve rolls Athletics to escape the drain - Nat20
- Then rolls Acrobatics to nail the landing - 4+12=16
- They all roll Religion checks
- Evil Steve - 11
- Ty - 25
- Mikal - 19
- Rika - 13
- Evil Steve rolls Diplomacy on Melora, to see if he can "get with that" - Nat1
- Veronica rolls an Imma Die Die, meaning she will roll a percentile, and if it's above 60, Evil Steve dies immediately. If it's 60 or below, he is fine - 34. Just barely. He is fine. For now.
- He whips out his dick, jacking it. She hits him.
- He then rolls Acrobatics to see how good his J.O. presents - 18+12=30
- She's not repulsed by it...
- They all roll Bluff to avoid getting kissed by Melora
- Mikal - Nat20
- Evil Steve - 21
- Ty - 20
- Rika - 26
- Ty gets a surprise attack on Melora
- Uses a minor action to use Slave to Fury
- Then does Frenzying Smite against her - 27 vs AC
Combat, like Batman, Begins