"Eat my entire ass!" ~ Rowan Gray
"I find that a lot of times gods just tend to be really fickle, so, in the end, what's a god to a non-believer?" ~ Jaela!
"What if we call ourselves the... (13 full seconds pass...) Ass Boys?" ~ Toby Treacletart
Quiet. So quiet. After that undead terror, Sinu the Red, uttered but a word Steve fell to the ground using his last ounce of strength to ensure that he did not fall onto his baby which he brought into battle with a beast so strong it is on the cover of both the Dungeon Masters Guide as well as Tomb of Annihilation. Sound escapes him as he is no longer able to hear his two allies scream in unison once they realize what has just happened. Steve is used to death, unfortunately. Why should he be spared its cold grasp just because he has repeatedly cheated the gods of death? A hero deserves more. A hero deserves vengeance.
Cast and Player Characters
Steve is dead. Toby is in the Astral Plane. Teddy Dozar has vanished. What's a Denton to do? Try to Revivify Steve? Okay! Unfortunately, he is stopped by Sinu the Red casting Counterspell. Rowan and Jaela go to town with the damage, and Toby, still in the Astral Plane, grabs onto one of those giant face rock things, using his smarts to mathematically figure out how to bring it down on Sinu. He does this, shifting back into the Prime Material Plane at just the right moment. Sinu the Red is crushed beneath this giant Astral boulder, and from the rubble, a silvery mist emerges and moves toward the locket. Jaela tries herself to Revivify Steve, and is successful! Steve is alive! No one wants to touch the locket, but they all know that someone must do something.
Jaela steps up, halberd in hand
and brings it down! The halberd shatters in her hands. She says, "I fucked up, guys.", pulls out the Raven Dagger, and stabs the locket. It shatter, and is goopy and gross.
Once the locket is destroyed, they all feel a weight lifted off them. They sense that a terrible evil has been extinguished from the world, and all the zombies begin crumbling to dust. The eyes of the Raven Dagger (which Denton is looking jealously at) glow red. It slowly begins to dematerialize, from the tip, up to the hilt and pommel. Then, Jaela's arm begins to dematerialize...
She drops it, but it doesn't work, her arm is now gone! Toby jumps onto her, attempting to shift into another plane, but he phases right through her. Denton says "She's going back to the Raven Queen. This is the greatest honor." Jaela is transported to the Raven Queen. The RQ says "Jaela, you have completed your task..." Jaela agrees. "It is time to come home, Jaela." Jaela disagrees. "Jaela, you have become too close to these mortals. You do not belong among them." She again denies this, claiming that deities frequently abandon her. "Erathis. I spoke with Erathis. She did not abandon you, she sought to bring you home, and you refused her. Are you refusing me now?" Jaela is refusing her, because she needs to return to Aludra, her "good-ass lady." The Raven Queen says, "You've disappointed me, Jaela. I am the second god you will have disappointed in this way." Jaela isn't too worried about it, in fact, she acts pretty flippant, imho. "I am disappointed, Jaela, but my disappointment won't last forever. The Raven Queen always gets what she wants in the end..." Jaela is then sent back to rest of them.
Denton is shocked that she has returned, feeling that it is her duty to go with her, that it would be a great honor. He draws his sword and runs at Jaela, but he disappears the way Jaela did. She remarks that he is going to meet the Raven Queen, which is exactly what he wanted. I suppose this is the end, for now, of Denton Glenchester. With the threats out of the way, the group deliberates on what to do next. Old Man Weck descends from the Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, and fills them in a little on what was going on. It seems the town of Tarry Hollow was a manifestation of Sinu the Red's mind in a way, with the parts of him that were still good sought to keep safe the phylactery, Teddy/the locket. The army of zombies that attacked every night was the evil parts of his mind. If they had successfully acquired the locket, they could have hid it somewhere it would never be found, and then Sinu would have been indestructible.
They congratulate themselves on another job well done, and spend some time looting the town. They all discuss what they each will be doing over the next indeterminate number of years. Jaela is going to return to Deephome, and propose to Aludra, having wrapped up what she set out to do. Steve finally realizes how fucked up it is to bring an infant along on their adventures (Baby Xena is probably only 1 month old at this point, maybe less. The last few episodes have taken place over a pretty short window of time), and says that it is time for him to return to his wife Cheryl in Tidtowne, and hang up his adventuring pants, or actual set of legs, probably. Rowan and Toby are still down to clown with Drunkeros, so they decide to go off adventuring together, her being rich (her father, Theonjon Dayne, is a king, remember), and him having access to the teleportation circles of the various White Spires.
They head off in the D4C to Deephome, and meet up, once again, with their old friend Aludra, as the episode, and the season, fades out...
Toby returns from the Astral Plane with one of those giant floating head things, and crushes Sinu the Red with it, Wicked Witch of the East style. His soul floats toward the locket, which takes the place of Teddy. Jaela is (finally) able to cast Revivify successfully, and Steve wakes up! Jaela then tries to destroy the locket using her magical halberd, but it doesn't work, and the halberd is destroyed. She then realizes her mistake, and uses the Raven Queen Dagger to destroy the locket. This works, and Sinu is finally defeated! However, the locket begins to dissolve, as does Jaela's arm, and there is nothing anyone can do. Jaela is transported to the Temple of the Raven Queen, who tells Jaela that she is meant to join her now. Jaela refuses, and the Raven Queen is upset, promising that she "always gets what she wants, in the end..." Jaela is sent back to her friends, where Denton is upset that Jaela refused the RQ, so he attacks, but RQ teleports him away before he is able to. Everyone celebrates their victory by looting the town. Then they make plans for the future: Jaela is going to propose to Aludra back in Deephome, Steve is going to retire and return to Cheryl in Tidtowne with Baby Xena, and Toby and Rowan are going to use Rowan's riches and Toby's White Spires to perform various, Doctor Who like good deeds around Drunkeros (I smell a spin-off, Michael). The episode and season end with the ship, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, descending on the docks of Deephome, with Aludra waiting for them...
- On a scale of 1 to Durance, Tim is 3 drunk
- Gay Marriage is legal in Drunkeros, as we all know
- Old Man Weck is married to a man!!!
- Toby has released Toby 2 from his slavetude, so all sexual interactions with him are consensual. This is mostly due the fan-art by Hugo
- +1 Steve to the Party
- -1 Denton from the Party
Quest Log Updates
- Tim - 8
- Jennifer - 11
- Nika - 5
- Bachmann - 13
Combat Continues vs Sinu the Red
- Ranged Attack (with her Oath Bow) (x2) - 28, Nat20
- Melee Attack (x3) - 28, 29, Nat20
- Hit, Hit, Hit - 75 total damage
- Sinu the Red
- Casts Disrupt Life, requiring a DC 18 CON saving throw
- Jaela - 32
- Success, takes half (and half) damage - 5 damage
- Rowan - 13
- Fail, takes full damage - 21 damage
- Grabs onto the giant stone face and shifts back to the Prime Material Plane (using an Intelligence roll) - 19+5=24
- Success - he brings it into Drunkeros like Dr. Strangelove, destroying him
- Steve attacks three zombies before they dust.
- He gets 18 temp hit points total
- Casts Geas to have Denton drop his sword
- Success - Denton keeps his sword