Episode 247 - Hashtag Bride Tribe Part 1

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Rowan Grey doesn't look like a killer...

"Hello, Jaela. I hope you're ready to have fun tonight." ~ Toby 2

"Seems like just yesterday, you were waking up on a slab, and here we are." ~ Ballard

"I probably can't hang around, 'cause I'm a fucking god, but enjoy your ceremony and shit." ~ Uthgar, god of kick-ass parties

Contents

Episode 247 - Hashtag Bride Tribe Part 1

A grand tradition of the realms of Drunkeros is the challenges that those wishing to become married must overcome. No one really remembers where this tradition originated but most say that completing a difficult task ensures happiness and wealth for years to come. Also, for some reason rats will fear you. Anyways, Jaela and Aludra are getting married! Bride Tribe Bachelorette Party Time Baby!

One party is BMed (Bachelorette Master) by Toby and the other is BMed by Steve. As the parties are happening at the same time we will be going back and forth between each party. Please enjoy responsibly. (The episodes were recorded with all of Jaela’s party and then all of Aludra’s and David spliced them together. We were…much, much drunker in the Aludra party bits since it was an hour or so later.)

Cast and Player Characters

Locations

Story

These two episodes take place between two interchanging events. Therefore, for clarity, this page will list one after the other. Just know that they cut between the two during the episodes.

Long Story

Jaela

It has been a few weeks since the Ätlän-tã Fælcons defeated the lich known as Sinu the Red, and Aludra and Jaela have gotten engaged! Toby and Jaela have been, of course, training, and it was brought up that it is Drunkeros tradition to have a bachelorette party before the wedding, that acts as a kind of test of their love, typically run by their best friends. Toby offered to throw one for Jaela, and Steve will throw one for Aludra. A few days later, a variety of people receive an enchanted invitation, which says, "You're cordially invited to the batch-fest of the bitch year for that number-one crusher, Jaela. This includes a one-way teleport scroll to Deephome." It also details that return transportation will be provided, and that the guest will be inspected upon arrival for dangers. Jaela was just told to go to a community center on 1112 Christmas Avenue, Boogie Woogie Lane. She knocks on the door, and Toby 2 opens it in a bright tuxedo, and lets her in. Toby 1 greets her emphatically, and then points her to a room off to the side, that is full of scrolls in disarray. He says that they can spend the next several hours sorting through all of them, and stacking them, and that'll be fun, right? After a second, he says he's just kidding, and snaps his fingers. The scroll room dissolves away to show a large banquet hall. There are streamers, balloons, floating animals that appear real, but are actually probably just balloons or illusions or some shit.

There are many people there. A couple approaches, holding hands. They are Marlamin Windlore and Erynn Colleen carrying cheeses. They have similar voices. Tug is there, too, and says that he has been around solving mysteries, as he is, of course, a detective. Then Jaela is pulled away by Ros, Randy, and Branson, of the Chum Guzzler crew. (Branson is famously dead.) Randy expresses his exasperation over having been forgotten for so long. Jaela sees four ladies talking to each other. They are Nyx, Rowan, Baz, and Temerity Barakas! Toby asks them to voice their opinions on the Jaeludra union, and Ros pipes in, saying she thinks it great, but that Jaela should "chill out a little bit." They all do shots, and Randy has some issues to work out with regards to his dead friend Chad. Ros consoles him.

Suddenly, two magical beings appear at the same time: Yazdir Dosh, the dragon, from a silvery gate, and Riekert Svenson, the necromancer, from a black, ichorous, oozing portal! They glare at each other, before Jaela and Yazdir reconnect. Yazdir asks about the necromancer, who then greets Jaela. Ol' Jaeles says that there are no hard feelings between them, and glares at Ros. Svenson produces a dancing skeleton as his gift. Jaela and Baz sneak off for a second. Jaela hands Baz a small bone figurine and tells her that she has been collecting bones for her, and asks her to be a bridesmaid. Baz begins openly weeping, and accepts. Just then, the lights come up in the room. The two Tobys stand in the middle. He says that Jaela did a nice job dressing casual, but, all can agree, casual does not fit this evening. He claps his hands, and a woman walks in. Crees Valar, the top Yangahrian stylist. With her come several Deephome servants carrying party bags. Inside each one is a baby Al-mi'raj, a large stylish hat and a pair of glasses, and a marble that says "Whoa, slow down, partner," when shook. Toby says that he thinks these are what females like. Toby tells Jeala that she can design something to wear for this evening, and Valar will make it for her, on the Treacletart dime. She wants matching shirts for her bride tribe. Valar agrees, but will also design her dress, if she doesn't already have one. That was paid for by Toby's mother. The Bride Tribe shirts have, of course, cursive writing, all lowercase, in gold, that says "bride tribe". Everyone wears black.

Jaela has probably chosen bridesmaids before this moment, but maybe not. Anyway, she asks Yazdir, Baz, and... Ros to be her three bridesmaids. They all accept, Ros is very emotional and tells Jaela that she secretly loves her so much. They get their shirts on and get pictures by Raphael, from Caer, who's weirdly still alive. He uses lightning based magic to freeze the light on the canvas, making a picture happen instantly! Jaela wants a hair fascinator with a Marie Antoinette hairstyle, that combines to have the image of Blood Drinker, as well as Aludra's beautiful face. It's pretty fucked up. This all happens, Toby also has coozies made to match the Bride Tribe style.

Aludra

It has been a few weeks since the Ätlän-tã Fælcons defeated the lich known as Sinu the Red, and Aludra and Jaela have gotten engaged! Jaela had a bachelorette party, and now so too must Aludra. She has passed on the honor of officiating to the maid Steve. They go to IHOP, because of course Aludra loves pancakes. She soon realizes that the place is pretty small, and also Deephome doesn't have an IHOP, and the walls fall away to reveal that they've been in a lavish ballroom the whole time. It has a big stone ceiling, a giant bone chandelier with rubies set in the eyes, a way of honoring their ancestors, and there are stone bars, three on each side of the ballroom, and wall sconces that look like diamonds. The decorations are almost cliche, with chevron for days (Tiffany blue, obvs), diamond ring piñatas, pink things hanging everywhere. There is also, of course, some chocolate covered penises, despite the fact that it's Jaela and Aludra getting married. But as it turns out, they are just fingers, because Steve doesn't remember what it's like being a true Gnoll anymore, him having been a terrifying flesh gollem for so long. There are also pussy hats for everyone to wear

Aludra is impressed by all of this. She says that she never thought she would enjoy getting married, since she was engaged to Baldur Oakback for so long, and she is happy to be partying with all her friends. Steve interrupts, saying that there's no one else here, except for his wife Cheryl, and their baby Xena. Cheryl apologizes for Steve's joke that they all had to lick Xena clean. Aludra notices that Cheryl smells a little boozey for this time of day (no one knows what time of day it is). Suddenly, there is a loud knock on the door. Steve encourages her to go and open the door, which she does. In walks Luccan!!! They greet each other in the Wood Elf-ian manor, swearing at each other incessantly. They go hang out, and ten minutes later, there is another knock at the door. Aludra goes again, cocktail glass with an umbrella in hand, and opens the door. Ballard enters! They reminisce about how he is the first NPC they met, besides an enemy or whatever. As they are about to shut the door, in walks Lex!!! She says that Jaeludra are perfect together.

Brip Brap (!) comes out of the closet (stop giggling), and is carrying pizza, but gets defensive when Aludra thinks it was for them. They talk for a minute, Brip Brap does a quick advertisement for Bugweiser, and then Bucky, riding atop Daisy, descends down the elaborate marble staricase. Daisy is having a hard time on the stairs, and it's a little awkward that Bucky is here at his mother's bachelorette party. Brip Brap shotguns a beer. There is the sound of roaring trumpets from a great distance. Steve goes to answer the door, and calls Aludra to come see. Outside, from the edges of the city, they see the approaching banners of Ashayara Dayne! Steve is surprised that she would come, but she won't be there for a while, she's moving very slowly. Lex has pulled some strings, and invited Uthgar, who comes in while Party Rock Anthem blares. Aludra complements his abs, which are well oiled. Uthgar, who also smells like booze, congratulates her. They fist-bump and he leaves. Then Winston, Flinn, and Cooper show up. Aludra tries to hug all of them at once.

They get hungry, so Aludra's cool aunt Ulin Wyrmsbane enters with a bunch of pizza, which Steve has prepared, topped with champaign soaked caviar smoked salmon, some lobster marinated in cognac, some red tiger medallions, the finest prosciutto and balsamic vinegar, and sprinkled with edible gold flakes. Aludra reaches for one, but Steve slaps her hand away and says, "Not for you." Another tray is brought out and placed in front of her. On it is one burrito that is... not very fancy, honestly, but it's coated in a plate of edible gold. Steve tells Aludra that the Wyrmsbanes paid for all of this (but they don't know it). There is a gift bag at each of their place settings, and inside each one are Deva body pillows (one side is normal, the other is sexy), there are coozies that say "Bitch Squad" on them, and shirts with slogans on them, some of which Bachmann found online, some of which he came up with himself, and Jennifer has to guess which is which:

  • "All Aboard the Bachelorette Party!"
  • "If lost, please return me to my squad."
  • "Mermaids drink mer-mosas."
  • "Feyoncé"
  • "One more scissor before the bride is her."
  • "Get me drunk, you stupid-ass cunk!"

Everyone eats. Bucky is staring at Lex, barely conscious. After everyone eats, Watson Copperfield has everyone stand in a teleportation circle and teleports them out, just as Ashayara Dayne gets into the room. Aludra feels bad, and wants to go back for her, before noticing where they are. They are in The Foaming Tankard, in Mastwick! Steve announces they are going on a bar crawl, and that she is going to have to perform three tasks. One, she must knock out a barbarian. Two, she has to win a drinking contest. Three, she has to steal a coat. She chooses to attempt a drinking contest first, since she is at a bar, but suddenly, a barbarian punches her in the face. He is very stereotypical, with a giant bushy black beard and hair, covered in scars, and wearing leathers. Aludra, almost reflexivly, casts Thunderwaveon the barbarian, whose name by the way is Gruenkar Barleybutt. The fight is laid out thus: Aludra has to hit him once before he hits her thrice, since they're both pretty drunk. Aludra goes first, with her Thunderwave, but misses spectacularly. Gruenkar also misses, but then Aludra lands an impeccable blow, knocking out a nearby elf wearing an ugly fur coat. Steve congratulates her on completing the first trial. She then picks up the coat from the elf. Steve congratulates her on completing the second trial.

Short

Jaela and Aludra's bachelorette parties! There are many NPCs from yesteryear. Among the guests at Jaela's party are Marlamin Windlore and Erynn Colleen, Ros, Randy, Branson (who is dead), Nyx, Rowan, Baz, Temerity, Yazdir Dosh, Riekert Svenson, and Raphael. At Aludra's: Cheryl Meloncamp and baby Xena, Luccan, Ballard, Lex, Brip Brap, Bucky, Daisy, Ashayara Dayne, Uthgar, Winston, Flinn, and Cooper, Ulin Wyrmsbane, Aludra's cool aunt, and Watson Copperfield. Aludra is taken on a bar crawl, and made to overcome a series of challenges. To be continued...

Luccan Swears

  • "Congratulations, you crotch-shagger!"
  • "You're my favorite fish-bucket lady-cork."
  • "All right, let's do this. Let's get... shitty."
  • "You said you got that pizza for me, you squirrel-rubber."

Trivia

  • This is Bachmann's first time DMing on recording
  • Aludra's Yahoo handle is BurlyBabe420
  • Jennifer confirms that Aludra is bisexual
  • Aludra had no idea she was going to a bachelorette party, she honestly thought she was going to IHOP, so that's how she's dressed:
    • Boots, a causal dress, and, of course her corset armor
  • Luccan does carry a flask on him, but it is just milk
  • Aludra is carrying around with her the stale, old pancakes from the fake IHOP
    • The waiter that was serving them also didn't know it was a real IHOP
  • They are not allowed to ask Temerity where she has been, and what she has been up to, or where Telir is
  • Brip Brap has been hiding in the closet for two weeks
    • He didn't know about the bachelorette party
  • Aludra's favorite pizza is mushroom and pepperoni
  • The Treacletart family made a lot of money during the rebuilding of Glaine, the Jewel of the East
  • The cunk shirts is a reference to a goof that happened in the Twitch chat a couple episodes ago. Can't remember if it ever made it on the air before now
  • Tug and Brip Brap are common-law married, but they don't go to the same party
  • Jennifer promises she will DM a game at some point this year!
  • This episode used music from Syrinscape:
    • The songs Percpectives, Basic Implosion, Airport Lounge, Apro Hour, Cool Vibes, Atlantian Twilight, Jazz Brunch, Who Likes to Party, Eternal Hope, George Street Shuffle, Delightful D, Dark Dance, Severe Tire Damage, Arcadia, Style Funk, Bass Walker, and Angevine were from Kevin MacLeod, at Incompetech.

Quest Log Updates

  • [Active][Never-ending] - Party hard-y

Rolls


  • Jaela rolls Perception to see who is there at the party - 2
    • She recognizes a few people at a time

  • Everyone makes a Constitution saving throw after taking shots
    • Tug - Nat20
    • Toby - 11? (pass)
    • Temerity - 8
    • Jaela - 26
    • Baz - 12
    • Randy - ?? (Fail)

  • Brip Brap rolls to see if he likes the food - 20
    • He loves it

Barfighting a Barbarian


  • Aludra
    • Thunderwave - 4-1
      • Miss

  • Gruenkar
    • To hit - ??
      • Miss

  • Aludra
    • Attacks - Nat20!
      • Hit - knocks him out (and an elf in a coat)

Barfight Ends