Episode 248 - Hashtag Bride Tribe Part 2

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"All right, bitch. It's on!" ~ Queen Ashayara Dayne

"I've been on pretty good behavior fro the past several months, and you've kind of kicked ass, and they, well, let me come down and say... good job, to you. I gotta tell you, no matter what, it's not your fault..." ~ The Late King Titus Harper

Contents

Episode 248 - Hashtag Bride Tribe Part 2

We continue to party and take several trips down memory lane. We are also introduced to the hottest, newest Drunkeros sport. But really, we are all here to celebrate the union of Aludra Wyrmsbane and Jaela, the two greatest gals in this fantastical world. Their wedding gives me hope. It gives me joy. And most importantly, if gives me an excuse to drink a few too many drinks and dance the night away in Deephome.

One party is BMed (Bachelorette Master) by Toby and the other is BMed by Steve. As the parties are happening at the same time we will be going back and forth between each party. Please enjoy responsibly. (The episodes were recorded with all of Jaela’s party and then all of Aludra’s and David spliced them together. We were…much, much drunker in the Aludra party bits since it was an hour or so later.)

Cast and Player Characters

Locations

Story

These two episodes take place between two interchanging events. Therefore, for clarity, this page will list one after the other. Just know that they cut between the two during the episodes.

Long Story

Jaela

Jaela asks Toby to be her Maid of Honor. He also begins crying immediately, and accepts. There is quite a celebration, full of dancing, and cutting up. Several hours later, there is a rumbling all around them...

Toby grabs Jaela's hands and says that he was told her favorite gaming system is the GameCube, because Jaela has great taste in video games, fight me. They play a quick game of Super Treacle-Cart, a dinosaur racing game, which the Treacletart family also recently adapted from ancient scrolls. The way it works is: you pick a dinosaur, run through the map, and there are random effects throughout, and hanging across the track are spells to cast. The dinosaurs available are an Allosaurus (speed is 50/80), a Dimetrodon (speed is 30/50 but more hit points?), and a Triceratops (good constitution, easier to handle). Jaela chooses the Allosaurus, and Toby says that, since he is controlling the track, they need three more riders. Nyx volunteers (Dimetrodon), as does Tug (a dinosaur that wasn't on the list, a Deinonychus, with a speed of 40/60), who Jaela also gives some bones to, and Ros (Allosaurus). Every round, they must make an Animal Handling check (with advantage), the DC changes for each dino: Allosaurus 16, Dimetrodon 8, Deinonychus 12. The dinosaur moves its base speed, but you are able to whip the dino 5 times as many times as you want, spurring it on to its top speed, but this makes it angry, so it has to make a DC 10 CON saving throw, or it's speed is halved for the rest of the race (but they just do it for that round, to make it more fun).

Jaela goes first. She goes the base speed, 50 ft. Toby makes random events occur during the race, using a d12. Now, it's that Jaela's Allosaurus becomes unruly, and must be calmed down. She grabs a piece of jerky from her pack and throws it down into its mouth. During the race, Ros almost tramples some Dwarven children, but scares them into running off the track at the last minute. Then Ros tries to knock Jaela off her dinosaur, but is unsuccesful (this is a just for fun thing, not an "actually trying to kill one of them again" thing). Eventually, after an underdog beginning, Jaela wins the race! Everyone returns inside to keep partying.

Toby gives Jaela a book and tells her to open it later, he pulled a lot of favors to get this, but don't look at it until after the wedding. It has magic in it. The rest of the night happens, and everyone tries on different hats. Temerity has one on each horn (she is a Tiefling), Ros wears one that has a little scale model of their ship, the Chum Guzzler, Tug wears a hat with a cheesy "Bride's Crew" or something, unrelated to the "bride tribe" shirts, Toby doesn't wear a hat, by finds a very stylish but subdued headband, and Toby 2 wears a shirt that says "Bigfoot is real, and he tried to eat my ass." The party comes to a close, people begin filing out. Tobys 1 and 2 help clean up, and then Jaela feels a shock, as if someone were pulling a joke on her, but no one is there. She feels a pull to a side room that she hasn't gone into before. There is nothing interesting in there at first, but then there is a huge crack of lightning explodes, nearly knocking her down. Standing before her... Is King Titus Harper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He says, "I told you to eat my ass!" He acts confused for a second, but then Jaela cries that she is sorry, and says that he was just fucking with her, that he "knows he's dead." Jaela/Nika is in real actual tears, and Harper admits that he "saw this going another way." He puts his arm around her, which she only feels as a slight shock, not a real arm. He tells her, "I've been on pretty good behavior for the past few months, and you've kind of kicked ass, and they, well, let me come down and say, Good Job to you. Uh, I gotta tell you, no matter what, it's not your fault." The rest of the wiki is just tear stains, you can't read the rest of it. He does tell her that she was the reason he had all the confidence to talk the way he did to the people that he did, and that it was his own fault he died, not hers. His hubris was so strong, and he didn't take the vials that were told would save him. He says that it's better this way, anyway. He is in a better place, and his widow Ashayara Dayne is a better Queen than he was a King. Also, he's kind of popular up there, since he spent so much of his life making sure that Pelor liked him, and he helped Erathis when it came time to saving the world. Jaela is glad that he isn't in some kind of personal hell, like Tum Darkblade was, and Harper says that it's all good. He says that, should she ever die, she has a place with Pelor. He gives her a large ghostly hug, kisses her cheek and says, "Honestly, I gotta go. I gotta see my wife and kids... You're gonna kick ass, and it's not your fault. Okay, bye." And just like that, Harper peaces out. Much more chill than the last time. There is another flash of lightning, and Jaela has an afterimage of Harper with a shit-eating grin, flipping her off.

As she sits there in the dark, trying to come to terms with what she has just seen, the door behind her opens, and what appears to be the head of Thom the Dragonborn looks in, asking for the bathroom, before leaving as well.

Everyone cries forever.

Aludra

A bright flash ushers in Ashayara Dayne, who is angry that she, the queen, was not waited for. Aludra offers her a drink, and, to determine what kind of drink she likes, kisses her on the forehead for a second, and guesses a Moscow Mule, which makes the most sense. Also, what is Moscow? She loves it, though! Having started drinking, Steve announces the third challenge, the drinking contest, for which they will drink Moscow Mules! Ashayara Dayne will be Aludra's opponent, as she was late to the party (that was Steve's fault). They must make DC 15 CON saving throws, and the first one to fail three times loses. Aludra fails three times in a row by rolling the exact same number, but she and Ashayara Dayne bond over the pressures of queendom. Aludra gifts her one of the "Get me drunk, you stupid-ass cunk!" shirts. They then move onto the next bar, which is The Rusty Bucket in Caer, which was famously destroyed in the Demon Apocalypse (Bachmann admits its probably another fake, like IHOP, or it's time travel, or Uthgar the god is there, so whatever).

Steve announces that they will be playing a game of Aludra Trivia! The rules are, if you get a question wrong, you take a bunch of drinks. If the answer is correct, Aludra drinks.

  • Ballard: When is Aludra's birthday?
    • "I confess I do not know."
      • It is Uktar 13th!
  • Lex: What color are Aludra's eyes?
    • "They are as green as a summer prarie."
      • Blue-ish green. He allows it
  • Luccan: What was Aludra's first class (as in DnD class, not like school)?
    • "Pretty sure that snatch-blaster was a druid."
      • Corrrrrect!
  • Brip Brap: Where did Aludra meet Jaela?
    • "Aludra met Jaela in... Pelor's Hope! Bruuuup"
      • "Is that true?" It is
  • Bucky: What's your mom's favorite food?
    • "Uh, isn't it, like, uh, boob burrito?"
      • Correct?
  • Daisy: what's her favorite drink?
  • Uthgar: is gone. Uthgar's not here anymore.
  • Ulin, Aludra's cool aunt: What's her favorite drink?
    • "Uh, the Baha Blast?"
      • Incorrect, it's a Sex on the Beach :)

Aludra wins, for some reason! and receives her second gift. It is an ornate box with golden script on the top that says "Sinu the". She opens it, and inside is a piece of Sinu's bony, shitty body. Aludra starts crying (not like Jaela did), and hugs Steve. They once again teleport away, to... the bar in Yangahr, where we met Steve for the first time, Temerity, and saw Jaela's previous form, Rhavar, called the Drunken Dragon! They play another trivia round, but this time, Aludra is answering questions about Jaela. If she gets more than half of them incorrect, she has to get divorced!

  • Question 1: When is Jaela's birthday?
    • Answer 1: July 4th?
      • Incorrect, it's June 13th
  • What color are Jaela's eyes?
    • "Does she have grey eyes?"
      • Her character sheet says Purple, but she decided she wanted grey eyes, but no, it's purple/lavendar
  • Where did you guys meet?
    • Pelor's Hope!
      • Correct
  • How many incarnations has Jaela had?
    • ???
      • I think it's either 99 or 98. They don't answer this important question.
  • Who is Jaela's celebrity crush?
    • Is it Aludra? Is it Ashayara Dayne?
      • It's Luccan!

She can't get divorced since she's not married yet, so she wins! She receives her third gift, a Deva wedding veil, that is super ornate. They disappear once more, to... Quimby's Tavern, also in Caer, also famously destroyed, but home to the best chicken wings in the city. The game here is to wind down, and relax, she's had a full night. They just hang out, you know. Just relax, take some time for themselves. Things have been stressful, Jaela was away, so were all their friends, off on dangerous adventures, while she was having an adventure of her own, being a queen and shit. It's hard, you know? Gotta take care of the people, you know? Gotta wear your floppy ears and appease the masses, try not to provoke a coup, try not to betray you're own ideals. Maybe there were some hard decisions had to be made, for the greater good, and she goes to bed at night and doesn't have a Jaela there to rub her Dwarf feet, she's just lying in bed thinking. Maybe she wants to write a song, but she's never done that before, and she can't do it and OH GOD IS THAT A SPIDER?!?!? If only Jaela were here, she could take care of it. But, oh wait, it's Aludra, she ain't afraid of no spider. She smashes it with her hammer, then wants to laugh about it with her best friend, but, again, not there. Until she is now! And everyone's happy and it's a great time, and there are no problems in the world, and everything's perfects except she's been on her feet all day, she's been busy, maybe her back hurts a little. Her tiny, Dwarf back, so she needs to just relax, you know? Anyway, she gets another gift, her fourth of the evening. Inside the box is the cold, lifeless body... of Wiggins! Steve announces that this gift was more difficult to acquire. Aludra asks if Steve found Wiggins like this, or if he killed him. Steve declines to answer, but says he's "got a guy." He explains that these four gifts are to honor the ancient Drunkeros tradition, that a new bride will get "Something gross, Something red, Something fancy, and something dead."

They all return to the ballroom, and everyone begins going home, only the close family members are back. Ulin, the cool aunt, is still there, and Bucky, and a smashed out of her gourd Ashayara Dayne, among select others. Steve beckons Aludra over, as well as Bucky and Daisy. He emotionally thanks Aludra for choosing him as his bachelorette party thrower. He says he wanted to get her a gift that was meaningful, and from the heart. After all they have been through so much together. He hands her another small box. She opens it, and inside is a scroll of Speak to Animals! Daisy looks at her expectantly. Aludra opens the scroll, and reads it! Daisy begins to speak! Aludra doesn't even know to say, eventually she asks if they are friends. She says "If you want to be. I'm a donkey." Aludra asks if she is happy in Deephome, and Daisy doesn't know what that is, but she "guesses so." It would seem Daisy never was magic, she was just a donkey. Aludra asks if she can give Daisy a gift, to thank her for all her years of service, and Daisy just wants a carrot. Aludra promises to do this, and hugs her. Aludra goes to get the carrot, but by the time she returns, the spells effect has worn off. She still gives the carrot. Daisy winks as she eats it.

Short

Luccan Swears

  • "What's up, you jail-bait doppel-banger?"
  • "Pretty sure that snatch-blaster was a druid."
  • "I'm a bit of a booty-scullion, if you know what I mean..."

Trivia

  • Toby has his hair combed, parted in the middle, and is trying (and failing) to grow facial hair
  • Aludra is about 7/10 drunk, or 3/5
  • Lex is totally a Whoo Girl
  • For the Treacle-Cart game, Tim is rolling a D12 on each turn to see if something special happens, like avoiding children or whatever
  • Caer was destroyed when Fennekin's Fortress took over
  • The bar they go to, the Drunken Dragon, was last seen, though name-less, in Episode 90 - Somewhere Beyond the Sea. It has a sign outfront that is the podcast art for Drunks and Dragons
  • Aludra eats 96 chicken wings in Quimby's Tavern
  • Harper dying was Jaela's biggest regret
  • Harper didn't know that Jett Razor was evil when he died, so he must have learned so afterwards
  • Harper mentions how Erathis and the Raven Queen are pissed at Jaela for blowing them off
  • Pelor loves French Toast, and they eat it all the time in Pelorian heaven
  • In the Twitch Chat for this episode, Hugo says "Looks like Nika is the Longcryer." and it's very funny
  • Michael DiMauro almost voices Daisy, and was going to use the same voice as Princess Ivy Bluemoon, but Mike Bachmann takes over
  • This episode used music from Syrinscape:
    • The songs Percpectives, Style Funk, Cryptic Sorrow, Angevine, Dance Monster, Clash Defiant, Drankensong, Corruption, As I Figure, Firebrand, The Descent, Fiddles McGinty, Delightful D, Airport Lounge, and Despair and Triumph were from Kevin MacLeod, at Incompetech.

Quest Log Updates

  • [Active][Never-ending] - Party hard-y

Rolls

  • Aludra rolls DC 10 Insight to see if a Moscow Mule is Ashayara Dayne's favorite drink - ??
    • Success

Drinking Contest between Aludra and Ashayara Dayne


  • Aludra
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - 11+3
      • Fail (1)

  • Ashayara Dayne
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - 16
      • Success

  • Aludra
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - 11+3
      • Fail (2)

  • Ashayara Dayne
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - ??
      • Fail (1)

  • Aludra
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - 11+3
      • Fail (3)

  • Ashayara Dayne
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - ??
      • Fail (2)

  • Aludra
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - ??
      • Success

  • Ashayara Dayne
    • DC 15 CON saving throw - Nat1
      • Fail (3)

Technically, Aludra lost, but since they shared a heart-to-heart, they both won


Super Treacle-Cart!


  • Jaela
    • Animal Handling - 17+3
      • Just moves forward 50
        • Distance - 50

  • Toby
    • Rolls a randomness d12 - 5
      • The mount has become unruly, and must be calmed down
        • Jaela rolls Animal Handling to throw jerky into his mouth - 16+3
          • Success - it is calmed

  • Nyx
    • Whips it with Animal Handling - 15
      • She moves 50
        • Distance - 50

  • Ros
    • Whips it - 16
      • She moves 80
        • Distance - 80

  • Tug
    • Whips it real good - 18-1
      • He moves 60
        • Distance - 60

  • Ros
    • Doesn't lash - 16+3
      • She moves 50
    • Passes by a hanging scroll, makes a DEX check to grab it from the air - 17
      • She grabs a scroll of Animal Friendship
        • Distance - 130

  • Tug
    • Lashes - 13
      • He moves 60
    • Rolls Acrobatics to also catch a scroll - 17
      • He gets a scroll of Fireball
        • Distance - 120

  • Jaela
    • Lashes - 6+3
      • Has to make a DC 10 CON saving throw - 14+11
        • Success - only moves 25
          • Distance - 75

  • Nyx
    • Whips it - 20
      • She moves 50
    • Acrobatics or Athletics to catch a scroll - 12
      • She gets a scroll of Fireball
        • Distance - 100

  • Ros
    • Whips it with Double Advantage (four times) - fails, against all odds!!!
      • Moves 25
        • Distance - 155

  • Toby
    • Makes something random happen - ??
      • A group of Dwarven children, all tied together run across the street, being led by their old grandmother
        • Ros Intimidates them to get them to run off the road - 14
          • Success - They run away

  • Tug
    • Fireballs Ros for 16 damage
    • Doesn't lash - 3
      • He moves 30
        • Distance - 150

  • Nyx
    • Fireballs Tug for 10
      • Doesn't move? Unless I missed something?

  • Jaela
    • Lashes - 15+3
      • She moves 80
    • Athletics to catch a scroll - 9+4
      • She grabs a scroll of Lay on Hands
        • Distance - 155

  • Ros
    • Whips it - 20
      • Moves 80
        • Distance - 235

  • Jaela
    • Lashes - 15+3
      • Moves 80
    • Random Event - An enemy rider tries to knock her down, requiring STR saving throw from both Jaela and Ros
      • Jaela - 11+10=21
      • Ros - 20
        • Ros loses 5 ft, putting Jaela in the lead

  • Tug
    • Doesn't lash - 5
      • Moves 30?
        • Distance - 180

  • Nyx
    • Lashes again - Nat20
      • Moves 50?
        • Distance 150?

  • Ros and Nyx make Animal Handling checks
    • Ros - 12
    • Nyx - 16

  • The final results:
    • Jaela!
    • Nyx
    • Ros
    • Tug

Jaela Wins!!!