Episode 271 - The Finality of Our Proving

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Lahni Caplain in action

"The circle is broken, and Elysium, Arboria, and Mount Celestia, are all in peril. The very gods themselves will be undone" ~ Gertrude The'arcane

"Michael, can I interrupt you, and say 'I don't know what you're doing, but I'm so horny for it." ~ Tim Lanning

"Sounds like it's time to save the world again..." ~ Jaela

Contents

Episode 271 - The Finality of Our Proving

What is this? Aludra and the gang are up to some investigations on a snowy mountaintop and with Drunkeros in a tailspin they need all the help they can get. Hopefully the The High Level Executive – Class Drow Supreme Fighting Force doesn’t slow down our heroes too much back in the feywild…they have realms to save.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters

Pets/Familiars

Locations

Story

Long Story

At the end of the last episode, The Tower of Grey found themselves squaring off against the Ginyu Force a team of guards dressed in different colors that prevent our heroes' access to the Castle of the Spring Court. The guards had challenged them to a series of battles, each unique to that guard's color and the Tower member's skill. Lahni Caplain was racing against Blue Burter, and things were heating up. The Blue foe was running so fast, we seemed to be skimming across the water! Meanwhile, Green Goldo was quizzing Toby Treacletart about his knowledge of Doug the Dark Elf, promising that this next question would be sure to stump the gnome. Also meanwhile, Yellow Yertha had challenged to Rowan Grey to a battle of accuracy, shooting arrows (or Ki blasts) at dummies. He had just put Frank Ubell against a tree and an apple on his head, and was able to blast it off successfully, while Rowan accidentally shot off the accountant's ear with her arrow. While this was going on, Skud Derringer found himself in an endurance battle with Red Racoome, first to last longest in a keg stand, second to eat more dog sausage, and three to last longest in a Silverweed Oil hotbox challenge. Skud easily won all three times, prompting Red Racoome to threaten his toughest challenge...

NOT OF THAT MATTERS NOW! We shift to Drunkeros, where, despite it being the dead of summer, it was been snowing for weeks. Queen Aludra Wyrmsbane has been plagued of late with bad dreams that her son, Bucky, was being killed by Trant Thumble in the Great Colosseum in Caer, which has been long since destroyed. Not knowing what to do about this, or about the summer snows, Aludra ventures to the Razortooth Mountains, to seek out a great oracle of some renown. With her are: her wife, Jaela, former Adherent to Erathis; her adopted son, Bucky, subject-in-distress of her haunted dreams; and Daisy, non-magical donkey that has gross fly-like wings, due to a nightmarish event with the gnoll god Yeenoghu some 13 years ago. This party of life-long friends are currently trekking through the wintery mountains, having just killed a group of snow trolls...

Bucky, dressed in shorts and a hoodie, expresses his irritation at being out here. Aludra, dressed to the nines in full-on North-of-The-Wall gear (all white), with just her face showing, tells him that he is free to return to Deephome, but Bucky does not call her bluff. They continue on, seeing up ahead a small hut, warm fire blazing within. Also, Jaela is wearing what she usually wears, plus a giant black coat, plus a scary, billowy hood. Inside the hut is a tiny, shriveled who introduces herself as Gertrude The'arcane, and asks Aludra why she is there. The dwarf responds with her myriad woes; the winter, and the missing Prince Thom Harper. Gertrude tells Aludra that she can help, but first, Aludra and Co. must first bring her three items: Un-melted snow from the Castle of the Cloud giant, atop the tallest mountain in the Razortooth range; Milk from Yak, the monster from the Death-Horn Pass; and Nectar of the Dust Plume, in the Swamps of Ichtaka. Aludra pulls her friends aside to discuss. Obviously, they aren't doing any of this. Brawlgus, a large... thing... in Aludra's company, reminds them of Zird the Arcane, another "the Arcane" who asked them to bring to him three items, which turned out to be pointless. Chilli Manilli, another of Aludra's retinue (who may or not be Steve), points out that her name is, in fact "The'arcane", thus, no relation. They neglect to mention the other time someone asked them to bring three powerful artifacts to him. Fennekin.

Brawlgus, who, full disclosure, I thought was just a joke until now, reminds Aludra that she conquered his people, the roaming Snow-piercer clan, using her great strength, prompting her to return to Gertrude, and command her to help without the aforementioned booty. The oracle reacts with distress toward this, claiming that she was going to use the snow from the mountain to make delicious ice cream. Aludra tells her that she has plenty of ice cream for her, and Chilli Vanilli, true to his name, invents Dippin' Dots. Gertrude accepts this offering, and tells Aludra what she knows.

She says that the snow is caused in part due to the trouble in the Feywild, but there is more to it than that. Gertrude then goes full Trelawney. Her eyes then roll back in her head, and she says "The circle is broken, and Elysium, Arboria, and Mount Celestia, are all in peril. The very gods themselves will be undone." She then snaps out of it, seeming to not remember speaking. Jaela knows a little about these three places. These are the outer planes of existence where the noble and Good gods live. Pelor (of Pelor's Hope) lives in Elysium, Bahamut lives in Mount Celestia, and Avandra lives in Arboria. She puts on some sunglasses and tells Aludra, "Sounds like it's time to save the world again..." Hard cut to black.

NOW IT MATTERS AGAIN, REMEMBER ALL THE GINYU FORCE SHIT NOW PLEASE!

Lahni is in the middle of the race against Blue Burter, who is currently running across the lake. She focuses her energy (spending a Ki point) to try to go that fast as well, having never run across water before. With a little bit of inspiration from Skud, she is able to kick off a stone that propels her across the lake! They are neck-and-neck at this point, and soon they come up on a cavern with two ropes over it. Blue Burter jumps forward and grabs a rope, swinging across and landing safely on the other side. Lahni does the same thing, but as she is about to jump, the ground under her nearly gives way, making it seem like she is about to fall, but she grabs the rope at the last minute and pulls herself up, using the momentum to throw herself forward. She is now (inexplicably) ahead of Blue Burter, but he yells out "FOURTH GEAR!" and rockets ahead, laughing as he passes her. He passes by a thin caver, skipping over to the side. Lahni follows suit, accidentally hitting an invisible barrier that she didn't notice. Against all odds, she is able to recover from this in such a way that makes her go even faster! She elapses him, throwing some ferret down on the road before him, to slip him up. He slips, and I'd like to take this moment to point out that in the previous episode, Michael said that the race should take about 10 seconds. This feels significantly longer. I know that it's all taking place in a short amount of time, but jesus... Anyway, Blue Burter stops moving, as if in a cartoon, before he crashes into a tree. Lahni stops to apologize, then promises that she will send him a pie tomorrow. She then crosses the finish line, winning the race!

Meanwhile, Toby is still facing Green Guldo in the Brain Battle. The foe antagonizes Toby, promising that this the gnome will never answer the next question correctly. Toby then responds, somewhat childishly, that he will never get Toby's question right, and asks the guard a question about Doug the Dark Elf. "What did Doug major in at Norhall Academy?" The guard says "Heroics," which is correct, then asks "How did Doug lose his third sword?" Toby doesn't immediately know, so he looks to Lahni for help. She thinks perhaps he lost it between the couch cushions. Then Toby remembers that Doug accidentally had it sold for two gold during a yardsale. Toby then asks the Guldo another question, because presumably the guard is into that. "What monster attacked Doug's big beefy friend, and brought him to another plane?" The answer is a Yochlol, which Guldo gets correct. Toby and Guldo realize then that they both know each other from the "sending network" "forum boards", and bond over their mutual fandom. Guldo decides to "call this one a double win", and the two new friends shake on it. They then go off together to watch Skud face against Red Racoome.

They have just finished the Silverweed Oil hotbox challenge, which Skud won handily. They are both quite high (though Skud may or not be pretending, also he may or may not have ever been high before). Racoome announces that the next challenge would be Beer Pong, but they both decide not to do that one, so they skip instead to Dizzy Bats. He hands Skud a baseball bat, and they do the dizzy bat thing. Skud can't handle himself and ralphs all over the ground. This would be his first loss of the challenge, making the score 3-1 in favor of Skud, though Racoome/Thrifty seems momentarily confused about it. They then do a jigsaw puzzle together, which is not a challenge, but is bitchin'. Anyway Skud wins!

Also meanwhile, is Rowan's challenge, who is in an accuracy shooting match with Yellow Yertha, you'll remember from Paragraph 1. What's that? You don't remember that far back because so much awesome has happened since then? Oh, hypothetical reader, I feel you. I had to scroll up and copy/paste the Drow guard that Rowan was fighting, so I'm no better. Anyway, Rowan just accidentally removed the ear of Frank the accountant, and now she goes up to him to apologize. She tries to help him, but is temporarily bad at healing. He goes then to Skud for help, though if Skud is faking his inebriation, he keeps up the charade. Frank doesn't seem super pissed about the missing ear thing, claiming he gets a reimbursment if he is injured in the line of duty. It's an insurance thing. Rowan takes a swig of Lahni's Ferret Wine, and returns to her challenge. This paragraph may have been short enough to contain the rest of the challenge here, but I wasted a lot of it with that meta comment about not remembering what the name of the dude was, so, another paragraph it is. The name of the dude btw is

Yellow Yertha yells "Pull!" 10 glass bottles go flying, and Yertha Ki blasts eight of them, missing two. Rowan steps up. She uses the spell Conjure Barrage to generate a cone of arrows, destroying all 10 of them at once. He then sets up the final challenge, five targets, each in the other, then does one Ki blast through them all, only making it through three. Rowan's turn. She casts Hunter's Mark on the targets, which makes her angry at the wood, then Oathbow attacks it. She also hits through three of them. Yertha, sensing how long this episode is going for, determines that Rowan wins! since she beat him many times before this tie.

Yellow Yertha announces that all of the members of the Tower of Grey have beaten all of the members of the High Level Executive-Class Drow Supreme Fighting Force, meaning that the Tower can enter the Castle! He also congratulates them, and tells them that he hopes they will meet again under more favorable circumstances.

Also, Skud thinks that the effects of Silverweed Oil should last for the rest of the season. Fingers crossed.

Short

Up in the Razortooth Mountains, Queen Aludra and Friends go to see an oracle for questions about the extremely screwey weather situation. She tells them that the trouble is mostly coming from the Feywild, but that "the circle is broken," and the planes that house gods familiar and strange will fall, if things are not made right. Meanwhile, back in the Feywild, the Tower of Grey members successfully complete their challenges. The less said about it all, the better, imo, but the takeaway is that they win, are permitted entry into the Castle, and end up making friends with the Drow guards.

Trivia

  • Michael asks Tim when the last time he did the recap was. I know! It was Episode 263 - Too Many Legs In This Feywild Part 2, 8 episodes ago. That episode was recorded 56 days before this one, so, that long ago
  • Dippin' Dots don't exist in this universe
    • Furthermore, Michael claims that "they have to be created in this episode or they don't exist." It's unclear if this extends to all technologies. I assume so.
      • Also, Chilli Vanilli invents Dippin' Dots immediatly after this, so, checkmate, Michael.
  • I wrote Nika's character as Lahni instead of Jaela for most of this article, before I remembered that it was, in fact, Jaela, so if you see any phantom Lahni's, that is why
  • Lahni has never run across water before, but Lord Titus Harper has. In Episode 121 - A Polymorph Puzzle, and again in Episode 129 - Would You Like Some Wine? Both of these instances, interestingly enough, were on the same lake. This is not that lake, however
  • The party, though none of its current members, fought a Yochlol once before, in Episode 128 - A Lakeside Encounter
  • There are apparently Doug the Dark Elf sending network boards, that essentially act as forums
    • Green Guldo's "screen-name" is "DDarkElfLover43"
    • Toby's is "PapaDoug18"
  • Baseball bats exist in Drunkeros. Does baseball?

Quest Log Updates

Rolls

  • Recap
    • Tim - 8 - roll-off - 4
    • Nika - 3
    • Jennifer - 2
    • Bachmann - 8 - roll-off - 3

  • Jaela rolls for History to see what she knows of the three places that the oracle tells them of - 18
    • Success - she knows a little about them

  • Lahni rolls Acrobatics to run across the lake, super fast - 17 - uses inspiration from Skud - 25
    • Success - she bookin'

  • Lahni rolls Acrobatics again, this time to across a cavern and grab the rope - 23
    • Success - She does that

  • Lahni rolls Perception to see what happens when Blue Burter runs across the thin cavern - 12
    • She sees him skip aside, so she does the same thing.

  • Lahni rolls Acrobatics to stay on her feet after the invisible barrier - 26
    • Success - She remains bipedal

  • Lahni rolls an opposed roll to shoot some oily ferret wine on the road
    • Lahni - 21, or 26
    • Burter - 19
      • Lahni wins!

  • Toby rolls History know about Doug the Dark Elf - 19+10
    • He knows the thing

  • Skud does an opposed roll for Dizzy Bat
    • Skud - Nat1 - Bogus
    • Racoome - > 1
      • Racoome wins

  • Rowan rolls Medicine to help Frank - 7
    • Fail - She just shovels dirt and hay into his ear

  • 'Rowan; does (I guess) an opposed roll to shoot 10 glass bottles out of the air
    • Bottles - 3
    • Rowan - 28
      • Rowan wins

  • Rowan rolls an attack roll on the five back-to-back targets (using her Oathbow) - 22
    • Hit - 15

  • Rowan rolls Deception to convince Yellow Yertha that they fought well in the challenges - 19
    • Success - He believes her