Episode 289 - First Impressions

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Toby, too small to be a sit backwards in a chair
"I'm gonna fucking give Frank a swirly!" ~ Rowan Grey, or perhaps Jennifer


Episode 289 - First Impressions

When starting any new life activity – prison included – you have GOT to make a great first impression. One well-known way to do that it is a sucker-punk the biggest prisoner in the place. In this episode we go ahead and explore that space. Oh, and Skud is back. Oh, and what’s up with Frank’s new friends?

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

Skud Derringer was with his friends, the other members of The Tower of Grey when the first arrived in The Shadowfell. He, too, felt his life force draining as the forces of this hell world affected him, and he passed out. He has faint memories of Bruk Tog being stabbed in the wagon, before Skud eventually wakes up to a splash of water to the face, being tied up and interrogated. The hooded man across the table from him asks him the same three questions he asked to the other's: "What is your name", which Skud answers honestly; "How do you plead?" which, again like the others, he doesn't know how to answer, so the man writes Not Guilty; and "Do you have any special skills we should know about?" Skud tells them a few of his skills. He is an okay cook, He can make fire with his hands (he thinks), he is good at sucking the life from his enemies, he can control bones, he can touch his enemies and make them cold, he can shoot them with a ray and make them sick, etc.! The guy shuts him up and someone cuts his hand and catches some of his blood in a vial. Skud is then taken to his cell, where he meets his own roommate, Jimmy Skaags. Jimmy tells him that he is in good with "the boss", so he lives in comfort despite being a prisoner. He agrees to take Skud to "the boss". He moves his bed aside and pulls up a handle under the floorboards, revealing a secret passageway, which he and Skud enter. After a short tunnel, they find and enter a weirdly elaborate door. Inside, there is a nice smell, a roaring fireplace, thick carpets, marble columns, wooden walls with art hanging on them, all of them are the same dude, who's here in the room with them! He's sitting in a golden-lined chair, with a globe sitting in a stand next to him. There are many statues around, and a skeleton! The dude has a scar around his head, right under the eyes.

Skud introduces himself, and the boss offers Skud a drink from the globe, which has drinks in it. It's an excellent whisky. The un-named boss tell Skud that he is a dealer of secrets and information, which is how he gets all his stuff, in exchange for secrets. Skud wants to leave, which the dude can't really help with. But, he does say that he needs Skud's help, and asks him to take a job in the laundry. He gives Skud a sealed note and tells him to take that note to work, and in his first shift, place the note between the sheets of Cart #7. He tells him not to open the note, which Skud was already about to do. Skud agrees. They leave and go back to their cell, where they are caught by a guard! But the guard just chastises Jimmy on being caught, and tells him he will have to give him 6 more packs of smokes, which I guess are smoke pellets that a magician might use to cause distraction. Jimmy hands them over and the two new best friends head on out to the cafeteria, where they see quite the scene...

A very large man with a very small hat, in a fight against a bunch of people, including the other members of The Tower of Grey! The Whale is the target, and Frank Ubell seems to be the leader of The Whale's gang. There is a scuffle, where Lahni punches The Whale a lot, The Whale's friend Burp, also huge, misses his attack, Rowan (forgetting that she was supposed to use this fight as a distraction) ties the Whale's shoelaces together and trips him, and Toby and Frank have a clash of the... what's the opposite of a Titan? They do very little damage, but it's still a lot. It's probably the best thing the show's ever done. Anyway, soon, Bercy Hamhands shows up and punches The Whale, weakening him so that Lahni can take him down. Then Bercy, seeing the scuffle between Toby and Frank, punches the accountant right in the stomach!


Skud is escorted into his cell, where he meets his new roommate, Jimmy Skaags. Jimmy says he is in good with "the boss" and takes him downstairs to meet a mysterious figure, living a life of luxury due to his status as an information broker. He trades secrets in exchange for ameneties. He says that Skud can have this stuff, too if he takes a job at the laundry, and drops off a note in one of the sheet carts, and tells him not to read the note. Skud agrees, and goes to dinner, where the other members of the Tower of Grey are fighting The Whale, who is under the control of Frank. Toby and Frank duke it out, while Rowan and Lahni try to take down the Whale, which they do with the help of a surprise Bercy Hamhands. Bercy then punches Frank.


  • This episode was recorded the night after Halloween! So naturally, the cast was wearing costumes:
    • Tim is a sleepy Christmas Dad
    • Jennifer is Admin of Da Share Zone
    • Nika is a Sandwhich Artist from Subway
    • Bachmann is a baby bear
    • Michael is Stewart from Letterkenny
  • The Whale's friend, Burp, has some Troll in him
  • Frank's AC is 10 or below!

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Nika - 16
    • Tim - 16
    • Bachmann - 17
    • Jennifer - 19

Combat Begins vs The Whale, Frank, and Burp

  • Initiative
    • Toby - 20
    • Frank
    • Lahni - 15
    • Rowan - 15
    • Burp
    • The Whale
    • Skud - 4

Round One

  • Toby
    • Uses an Alchemy (?) check to find the grossest food nearby and throw it in The Whale's friggin face - 19
      • There are some icky beans
    • He throws them and some dirt and milk and spit and blood at The Whale - 19+2
      • Hit - 7 acid damage

  • Frank
    • Melee Attack (punch) vs Toby - 15-1
      • Hit - 1 damage

  • Lahni
    • Uses Drunken Frenzy to punch a lot
      • Burp - 17
        • Hit - 10 damage
      • The Whale - Nat20
        • Hit - 8 damage

  • Rowan
    • Sneaks up to the Whale to try to tie his shoelaces together - 21
      • Success - She disappears and ties them
    • Then attacks to push him over - 14
      • Hit - He trips!, falls onto his face - 7 damage

  • Burp
    • Kicks at Rowan - 12
      • Miss

  • The Whale
    • Snaps his shoelaces apart and stands up

Not sure if I should put this in an action, but Bercy Muthafuckin Hamhands shows up and just fricking smashes the Whale in his face with his ham hands

  • Skud
    • Talks to Jimmy, asking him if he knows where the blood room is
      • He does not

Round Two

  • Toby
    • Melee Attack (punch) vs Frank - 10
      • Hits! - 1 damage

  • Frank
    • Headbutts Toby - 9
      • Miss

  • Lahni
    • Grabs some beans, punches the Whale with them (x4) - 19, 14, 17, 20, 24
      • Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit - 46 damage!!! - knocks him the fuck out

Burp tries to run away

  • Rowan
    • Lets Burp run away

Bercy just fuckin destroys Frank with a punch to the stomach. Not in a killed way, but in a ouch way

Combat Ends