Episode 313 - The Corporate Retreat

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"I can clean my undies, by just thinking about it. Isn't that fun? I'm like a Harry Potter: I just piss everywhere, it doesn't matter. I'm pissin' right now. Oh! There's no magic here! I can't clean my piss!" ~ Toby Treacletart

Contents

Episode 313 - The Corporate Retreat

If I can take a step outside of in character podcast descriptions for a second, it is obvious that Michael needed a break from trying (and usually failing) to kill us every week so he sent us to the beach. Michael may act like this is some sort of spooky hell beach but I am pretty sure we are just RPing being able to afford a vacation like this. This is what makes D&D so special – imagining a world where the impossible is possible. I am excited.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters

Locations

Story

Long Story

The Tower of Grey have gotten themselves into the good graces of the lovely folks at the Ferrim Pecunia bank of Pelor's Hope. Now, they have been permitted to accompany the company on their annual corporate retreat. Which is tomorrow, by the way. Rowan Grey, by the way, has been out glamping with Verona while her coworkers took care of business, so now, they go and fetch her. Together, the prepare for their trip to what will surely be a terror hell-scape.

Frank informs them that they can use their Bag of Holding, since the bank doesn't check those, and they can bring in it whatever they want. Toby also has the ability to create a Demi-Plane, in which they can store more such nonsense. The difference, I think, is that any living being in the Demi-Plane can breathe indefinitely, while those in the BoH can't. They also have the factor of their plus ones. They can bring Frank, obviously, and Lahni wants to bring Bercy Hamhands. Skud can't bring his bone companions, because the magic that keeps them mobile won't work. He could put them in Toby's Demi-Plane, but it will cost a spell slot to get them out. Ultimately, he decides to keep them, fully formed, in the Bag of Holding. As for Toby, he puts into the Demi-Plane Toby 2, 5 hired guards, 2 recruited wizards, Erynn Colleen, Marlamin Windlore (it's unclear if those two are dead or not), rations for everyone for two weeks, some spell scrolls, and a vegan egg-salad sandwich. Rowan decides to put her Oathbow in the Bag of Holding, as well as one shortsword, and she puts her Dancing Rapier into her duffel bag, not really hidden that well. Fuck it. With all of this preparation finally done, and after a long night's rest, the party returns to the bank for their trip to hell.

Becky Uumellma greets them, and opens a portal for them all to step through. They do. On the other side is not, in fact, hell, but is a strange sight indeed. An idyllic beach-side resort, filled with round tables. Hanging from strings and poles are small, glass bulbs. There's a beautiful sunset, the temperature is perfect, a band seemingly made up of metallic constructs, and a delicious scent wafting through the air. It actually seems great! The group sits at a table pointed out to them by more of those metallic constructs. Still more seem to be delivering food. What's going on here? Sitting at the table are a group of Ferrim Pecunia employees, such as Steven (a former bard from Glaine, the Jewel of the East), his wife Steven Alena, Azazel (a Teifling), and his husband Burt. After many introductions, Toby discovers that he can use magic here, and wants to do some Detect Magic. He tries to sneak off to the bathroom, but before he is able to get up, he is interrupted by man in a tuxedo on the center stage. He's described as looking a little like Idris Elba (yes, please), and he begins speaking into a box that appears before him, his voice amplified. The man talks about the employees' loyalty, and, through the use of what seems to be a TV screen, shows a PowerPoint presentation describing how they can use the employees loyalty as a kind of electricity, powering the machines around them. WTF? The un-named gentlemen tell them that tomorrow, they will learn first hand how the loyalty retrieval process works, while their Plus Ones enjoy a day at the spa. He then leaves the stage.

Short

After reuniting with Rowan Grey, the Tower of Grey prepare to go off on the company retreat. This happens early the next morning, where they are all taken to a beach-side luau resort, complete with electric lights, a microphone and speakers, and a PowerPoint presentation, delivered via computer screen. What's going on here? A presenter informs them all that Ferrim Pecunia has discovered a method of harnessing the power of employee's loyalty to create energy, essentially working like electricity!

Trivia

  • Becky doesn't get to go
  • Toby created Toby 2 last night, because they woke up and went right to the bank/Oseary Drakoolus's office that morning, and everything has happened in one day, which is pretty bananas if you think about it.
  • Bercy Hamhands' fake name is Percy Chickenfingers
  • Michael says that Erynn Collen and Marlamin Windlore are dead, though I'm not sure if this is a joke or not, or if he will change his mind about this, so I'm gonna leave them as alive for now. I still hope
  • There's a discussion about what technologies exist in Drunkeros. Michael claims that electricity is not a thing, which I find dubious
  • PEOPLE FROM GLAINE ARE CALLED GLAINIACS AND I CAN'T GET OVER THIS!

Quest Log Updates

Rolls

  • Recap
    • Tim - 4
    • Nika - 13
    • Bachmann - 3
    • Jennifer - 13
      • Despite not being here last week, Jennifer and Nika do it together
        • Really, Michael does it, because Nika's notes are not up to snuff