Episode 344 - Bonecarding Them All

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Becky, Grecky, Vecky, and Stecky, obviously
"You guys are-- I'm not that evil! I'm not!" ~ Rowan Grey, whom methinks doth protest too much


Episode 344 - Bonecarding Them All

We survived that damn mansion somehow and came out much stronger. But now the real test begins – can we collect a full Bonecard deck of six monsters. Should be easy to fight the multiverse’s most powerful monsters…

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters



Long Story

Kevimp McBallister is kil. He starts to bubble over and dissolve, being a demon creature, but his clothes, a little lads outfit and a blond wig, are still there. Rowan, the murderer, goes through the clothes and finds the card! Finally! She gives Skud the card, and they all pilfer the rest of his stuff, taking that weird projectile shooter, some ball bearings, and caltrops. Skud takes the bag of flour. Outside, the voice of Dodge Grabbit calls to them, so they go through the house and meet up with him. Skud finally gives him his card back, and dodge, in return, gives him the promised six blank capture cards. He then explains the rules of the game, as described below.

The long and short of it is that they have to capture six powerful creatures to battle with. Dodge demonstrates by capturing Rowan, and sending her out, as a scary bone-version of her. He then releases her as normal. Skud tries it out on Toby as well, so that's fun. Dodge tells them about the masters of the other planes:

  • The Elemental Plane of Air: Fuckin Gary, Dodge's rival. He just won, so he's the new master,
  • The Elemental Plane of Water: The Maroness, who Skud looks like a male version of,
  • The Elemental Plane of Earth: The Man of Sorrow,
  • The Elemental Plane of Fire (this one): Lucis Incendis, who can't be challenged until the other three are.

Then and only then, can they enter the Elite Forge, where the artifact is sure to be. So, that's it. They need to capture some monsters, but how best to do this? Toby wants to clear some of their karmic debt by doing some good in the world, which is good, because then I can go back to writing "our heroes" in this Wiki. He floats the idea of capturing Pyre, which would kill two dragons with one scorpion, but he seems really powerful. Lahni suggests capturing the other members of The Circle of Seven, which is an idea. Eventually, Toby ends up using his Crystal Ball of Telepathy to Scry with Kate Aurochs, who's in some random bar. He asks her if she knows of any high-level baddies for them to take out for her. She tells them about Rick the Balor Beholder, who's an asshole. It's Infernal Riiiick! The episode ends with Toby recommending that he and Kate go to Doctor Frownsmasher to discuss their "relationship".


Skud finally gets the card, and gives it to Dodge Grabbit. After Dodge explains the rules of Bonecards, the gang discusses what to do next. Toby speaks to Kate Aurochs, who tells them of Rick the Beholder, an evil dude they could potentially capture.

Da Rules

Each Player has 6 Cards, but only 3 can be in use at a time. On your turn, you have two (2) actions: Send out a Bone Monster, Bring Back a Bone Monster, or Pump Up a Bone Monster.

Each monster has different strengths and weaknesses. Some Stats are good against other, but weak against still others. The Stats are indicated through a small icon in the upper corner. Interestingly, the Stats of Bonecards directly correlate to those of Dungeons and Dragons.

Types Advantages
Stat Strong Against Weak Against Damage Type
Strength Charisma Intelligence Slashing
Dexterity Intelligence Wisdom Piercing
Constitution Wisdom Charisma Bludgeoning
Intelligence Strength Dexterity Necromantic
Wisdom Dexterity Constitution Evocation
Charisma Constitution Strength Enchantment


  • Toby has a backpack
  • Pyre liked rubies
  • Skud wasn't born on Drunkeros, or the elemental plane of water.

Quest Log Updates


  • Recap
    • Tim - 18
    • Jennifer - 12
    • Nika - 14
    • Bachmann - 15