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[[Image: Dnd_cover352.jpg|thumb|center|upright=2|<center>CAPTION</center>]]
[[Image: Dnd_cover352.jpg|thumb|center|upright=2|<center>A scary version of [[Connell]], the woods witch</center>]]
<big>'''"Is he {my brother}? No, his name's Boulderhill!" ~ Lahni Caplain'''</big></div>
<big>'''"Is he {my brother}? No, his name's Boulderhill!" ~ Lahni Caplain'''</big></div>
=='''[https://geeklyinc.com/episode-352-480-feet-from-greatness/ Episode 352 - 480 Feet from Greatness]'''==
Our heroes make their way into Mastwick and buddy you know that is going to lead to some hijinks. Will the simulacrum of Silga Darvo be enough? Are the Darkblades still the honorable band of thieves we remember or have they succumbed to the darkness of the times? Find out some of these answers and more on today’s episode!
*Air Date: March 02, 2020
*Air Date: March 02, 2020
*Recording Date: February 25, 2020
*Recording Date: February 25, 2020
*Duration: 1:09:42
*Previous Episode: [[Episode 351 - Spy Time]]
*Previous Episode: [[Episode 351 - Spy Time]]
*Next Episode: ''N/A''
*Next Episode: [[Episode 353 - Croc Crunch]]
=='''Cast and Player Characters'''==
=='''Cast and Player Characters'''==

Revision as of 19:22, 9 March 2020

A scary version of Connell, the woods witch
"Is he {my brother}? No, his name's Boulderhill!" ~ Lahni Caplain


Episode 352 - 480 Feet from Greatness

Our heroes make their way into Mastwick and buddy you know that is going to lead to some hijinks. Will the simulacrum of Silga Darvo be enough? Are the Darkblades still the honorable band of thieves we remember or have they succumbed to the darkness of the times? Find out some of these answers and more on today’s episode!

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters




Long Story

Ah, Mastwick. Once a prosperous and bustling city, teaming with life, and other such nonsense. Now, it is a veritable hell. Pyre the dragon has sunk his claws into the city, and rule it with an iron wing. Fortunately, our heroes are here to capture him, and remove him from office. Lucky Mastwick. Toby has Shapechanged himself, Rowan, Skud, and Footpad Boulderhill into the form of those fucked up Thom Vidalis clones. Meanwhile, Lahni is invisible, and the whole group is being led by a loyal simulacrum of the Master of Whispers, Silga Darvo. So, your typical Tuesday night.

They notice first The Spike, a tall tower where the upper echelon of Mastwick resides. It's massive and red, getting darker and darker the further down you look. And at the top of it, sits Pyre himself. He swoops down, blasting fire into the large Coliseum below. As the party traverses the city, they get a first-hand look at how horrific things are. People are starving, fighting over food. Guards patrol, searching for anyone stepping out of line. One of these guards, a dragonborn, tell Fake Darvo that she is needed by the general of the Pyre army, one Browl Theckhammer. She needs to debrief on what happened in New Newfoundland Land. And if she doesn't, Theckhammer will take a force to the town and set fire to it. The Faux-Darvo (Darfaux?) sends him away, curtly. Without the need to sneak around anymore, the party decides to drop their disguises, and Darfaux, deemed too noticeable, is tucked into an abandoned building for safekeeping. Boulderhill leads them to the Darkblades.

It's in the warehouses near the docks where the Darkblades reside. While Skud at first attempts to hide on the ceiling (all the better to cast ranged attacks, my dear), he is, ultimately, forced to follow the rest of them down a set of stairs. There, Boulderhill uses a small black dagger (a dark blade, if you will), to unlock a secret door behind some boxes, which in turn leads to a ladder, which in turn leads to a sewer system, which in turn leads to a series of tunnels and corridors, which in turn leads to a large, under-the-sewer natural cavern. From there, it's just a hop, skip, and a jump through the rock wall to get into the ACTUAL secret base of the Darkblades, which I am unfortunately forced to assume looks like the Thieves Guild hideout from Skyrim. Deal with it. Also, there are metallic sentries that nearly attack them, but the lowly Footpad is able to show them the blade, and they turn off. Then, in wheels (in a wheelchair) the leader of the Darkblades, Magsman Footpad Calor!

The former Footpad introduces himself (Toby is starstruck), and the two groups get to work on their insidious plot. First, they discuss the idea of using the citizens of Mastwick to rise up against the army. This might work, if the people were well fed. Fortunately, the Tower of Grey brought food, enough to share with the rest of the class. Work begins to distribute this, done by having the Darkblades roll barrels of food into the river, where is floats out to the people. Next, Calor tells them all of the five ruling folk of Mastwick. The five heads if you will:

  • Pyre - That piece of shit. He's the ruler, installed there during the Demon Apocalypse. He sucks.
  • Silga Darvo - Master of Whispers. She keeps people in line, by forcing them to inform on each other, and telling Pyre all she knows.
  • Celtra Wimblepuck - A necromancer under Pyre's employ. She was responsible for creating the clones of Thom Vidalis. Has a history with Toby.
  • Browl Theckhammer - General of the Dragon Army. A brutish half-orc. He and Darvo have beef since they're both so hot-headed.
  • Zelon - The Master of Punishment in Mastwick. Buddies with Darvo, since they both love pain so much. Lives in the dungeons of the Spike.

Calor suggests that they include in their plans, taking out Celtra Wimblepuck as well, since she'll likely give them grief. Also, If they can remove Browl Theckhammer, they should be able to cause distress in the ranks of the army. Maybe they'd even stop fighting. Who's to say? Also, all of those people will be in The Spike tonight, so if they want to attack, then and there would be a good time and place for it. Lahni asks if they could use the sewer system to sneak into The Spike, and not only is that a good idea, it's the best idea. This is because the sewer leads right into the dungeons underneath The Spike, where Zelon is sure to be. And maybe, while they're there, they could free the prisoners, causing an uproar. The party is given one of the Darkblade's Dark Blade, and told to show it to the Darkblades trapped in the dungeons. They'll know what to do.

The episode ends on a fade out of the party asking more questions of Calor, and making more plans, but we'll find out what comes of this if it makes sense. You know how it is. Sometimes it's good to have an open-ended "It makes sense that we would have talked about this with Calor" type thing. You get it.

Anyway, bye.


The party, in disguise and also in Mastwick, looks around and is told by a guard that Silga Darvo has to meet with General Theckhammer, or else he's gonna burn New Newfoundland Land to the ground. Instead of doing that, they stash the Silga Darvo simulacrum into a nearby abandoned building, and run off to hang out with the Darkblades. Footpad Boulderhill takes them to meet with Magsman Calor, and the two groups form plans together. The Tower gives the Darkblades food to distribute to the masses, and Calor gives the Tower information about the various parties ruling the city, and how best to defeat them. The plan is to sneak into the dungeons of the Spike through the sewers, where Zelon, Master of Punishment will be.


  • Skud wants to always be 480 feet behind the others, so he can used ranged attacks properly
  • Footpad Boulderhill usually skips breakfast. This is very important information
  • Silga Darvo and General Browl Theckhammer don't get along, because they both have large, hot-headed personalities
  • Magsman Calor explains that he survived the encounter with Pyre, because the dragon just bit his legs off. So, he was fine
  • Tumasina of the Darkblade crew is locked in the dungeons


Quest Log Updates

  • [On-Hold] - Stop Tiamat!
  • [Active] - Destroy The Orb!
    • [Active] - Find the first missing piece
      • [Active] - Gain access to the Elite Forge
        • [Active] - Defeat Fuckin Gary, Master of the Air Plane
        • [Active] - Defeat The Man of Sorrow, Master of the Earth Plane
        • [Active] - Defeat Lucis Incendis, Master of the Fire Plane
        • [Active] - Defeat The Maronnesse, Master of the Water Plane
    • [On-Hold] - Find the third missing piece
      • [On-Hold] - Investigate the final location
  • [Backburner] - Thom clones!!!
  • [On-Hold] - Find Adira Harper
  • [Backburner] - Find Lannie Caplain
  • [Active] - Find a way to pay back the Ferrim Pecunia bank of Pelor's Hope
  • [Active][Jaeludra] - Investigate the Great Colosseum in Caer


  • Recap
    • Tim - 12
    • Jennifer - 12
    • Bachmann - 14 - roll-off - 13
    • Nika - 14 - roll-off - Nat1