Episode 361 - RIP to a True Hero

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"I feel like we're just so afraid of Pyre, we don't know what to do, so we just keep going for everyone else." ~ Nika

"Turns out, Pyre's greatest weakness is Bachmann apologizing for Bananas Foster." ~ Tim

Contents

Episode 361 - RIP to a True Hero

Our…”heroes” prepare a trap most foul for Pyre. A snack that will sure to cause some issues for our foe.

Cast and Player Characters

Non-Player Characters

Locations

Story

Long Story

The party has kicked in the door of the lab of Celtra Wimblepuck, because as we all know, the plan is to fill Corpsefucker Gary with poison and feed him to Pyre. To kill Pyre. It's fool-proof. The lab is emptied, seemingly cleaned out in a hurry. This includes the cloning chambers, those are gone, too. After searching for clues, they are interrupted in the form of Old Mrs. Hamhands, in the form of Xix von Stein. She is able to help vocalize the point that Celtra going missing isn't necessarily something that should be prioritized at present, but rather, resources would be better delegated focusing on the ancient red dragon terrorizing the city. Thanks, Hamhands!

With Celtra out of way, the party calls that a success, and begin work on the next phase of their plan. Letters and messages are sent to the various factions, informing them all of the plan's beginning, and the Thom clones are locked underneath the colosseum, so that's taken care of. Also, Hamhands' forces are ready to fight off the army of Pyre once he's captured, so that's good, too. Also present is Magsman Calor, surely referring to himself as Footpad Calor because that's his given name, and not because Michael forgot he was a Magsman, right, Michael? Anyway, they craft a potion, one that won't necessarily damage Pyre (because he has legendary resistances), but will instead aid them by slowing him down, imposing disadvantages. A pep talk is given, and a plan is made. The party will hang back, while the sacrificial carcass fornicator is devoured by Pyre. After the poison takes effect, the Tower of Grey and co. will then leap into action, and it will be epic as hell.

The party returns to the dungeons, where they left Corpsefucker Gary. Toby demands he eat the poison, but he'll only do it if they give him a corpse to fuck. So, naturally, Toby creates on magically. And that's when it's revealed that his name is not Corpsefucker Gary, but in fact, it's Geekly Gary! Whaaaaaat?!?! He still keeps up the facade that he fucks this corpse, though. He asks if this is the only way to kill Pyre, which, of course, it is. And so, Corpsefucker Geekly Gary agrees to the plan of sacrificing himself to kill Pyre. The realization that Gary is a true hero makes the party suddenly very remorseful, and they all share a tender moment with each other. They stick him with the poison, and take him out to the colosseum.

Gary is taken by a guard once they get there, and the rest of the party fans out and gets into position. The guard brings Geeklyfucker Gary to the center of the arena, then books it out. And that's when Pyre swoops down from the top of the Spike. He flies down at lightning speeds, slamming into the ground and devouring the dear, heroic Corpsefucker Gary.

Short

After scaring off Celtra Wimblepuck, the party prepares to take down Pyre. They steal some poisons that will lower Pyre's speed, and grant him disadvantages, and then meet up with Corpsefucker Gary, who's actually a really chill dude named Geekly Gary. He agrees to do the poison plan, which goes off without a hitch. Gary is poisoned, and fed to Pyre, who eats him in the coloseum, the party ready to strike...

Trivia

  • Adira doesn't like the Darkblades. This is interesting, considering that she was once in a relationship with the Darkblade Cutpurse Esk Imomo
  • The magical detecting device that Toby bult years ago was called the Ranged Arcana Detector, or R.A.D. for short
  • Corpse fucking might not be as bad in this world as it is in ours, because a "corpse" in DnD might still be sentient, and able to give consent or something? It's unclear
  • The colosseum is 750 ft by 750 ft

Inventory

  • Lahni
  • Rowan
  • Skud
    • Gold Bone Coin that lets him enter the Bones championship
    • Heavy Armor, atop of his robe, adorned with fish
    • Sending Stone
    • Longsword of Wounding
  • Toby
  • Anyone
    • "Several" Potions of Fire Resistance
    • Potions of Haste
    • Dark Blade
    • More Sending Stones, just in case

Quest Log Updates

Rolls

  • Recap
    • Tim - 19
    • Nika - 17
    • Jeniffer - 10
    • Bachmann - Nat20 - Bapped - Chooses Jennifer