Millennial Matinee – Hot Fuzz

By Alan Mathews on

About Alan Mathews

Alan Mathews keeps trying his best at writing even after his mother admits she was only encouraging him so she could get some work done.
Follow him on Twitter @JAlanMathewsJr


Last week, Ray and I watched Hot Fuzz to see if it was still one of my favorite movies and whether Ray would like it at all. It was her first time watching it and let me tell you, we had some differing opinions. Here’s a brief synopsis of the film for those of you that haven’t watched it yet. If you haven’t, shame on you. It’s on Netflix. There’s really no excuse now.

As a former London constable, Nicholas Angel (Simon Pegg) finds it difficult to adapt to his new assignment in the sleepy British village of Sandford. Not only does he miss the excitement of the big city, but he also has a well-meaning oaf (Nick Frost) for a partner. However, when a series of grisly accidents rocks Sandford, Nick smells something rotten in the idyllic village.

Ray: That film was nothing short of gross negligence but I’m not mad at it.

Alan: What? I loved it.

Oh, yeah, no great. One thing though, a little minor thing, they did devote roughly the last 30-45minutes of this film edging the audience away from a climax.
And when the climax came, oh you know, it was because of a random unprovoked swan attack?
I mean, come on…

I don’t know. it felt like a bunch of mini climaxes all at once. I mean, the Lethal Weapon call back, the chin, the mine. It set up all the references to call back to like an elbow, “You remember that? We do.”
It’s all full circle.

I mean, yes. They did use a good portion of their film to basically jerk it over a bunch of rando 2 bit cop movies from the 80s and 90s.
By the way, if intense and speedy close-up camera pans to a minute detail on a uniform can induce vertigo in a healthy person then we are both in trouble, cause boy howdy, they really wore that ‘ol trick thin.

I felt like a deer in headlights watching those. Maybe that’s how they kept me focused. Can’t turn away if my brain keeps thinking a seizure is on the way. (edited)

How dare you edit that. I was going to drag you for it.
Anyway, can we talk about how every actor on that entire island is in this fucking movie?

Bring in Michael Gambon and it would have been a movie about keeping a local cop from finding Hogwarts.
Can you imagine if they just offed the muggles that walked in on school grounds? “We’ve come up with this new expiremental spell to alter their memories. No long term studies, I’m afraid, but we don’t have to kill ’em now.”
Listen to Yer a Wizard, Harry! is what I’m saying.

Wow. You just love when JK takes away people I love, don’t you?
Beautiful shameless plug there, I commend you.

Thank you. New episode, new season. Coming Soon.

Hey, look! It’s Cate Blanchett!

Okay, Slughorn was a real jag in this movie, and played basically the same character, though. Can we at least agree on that?

Filtch was much more chill. So much he couldn’t exercise his voice box.

Also, I think I would’ve like Filch more if he only incoherently mumbled like Boomhauer

Yes! And only the professors understood him!

Okay, if we make any more referential humor then this article is basically Ready Player One because we will be alienating pretty much any one but ourselves.
I did like the horny lady cop, tho


I did. Those suckers were stolen straight outta a Spencer’s Gifts.

Was the cake a boob too or was it a policeman-officer’s hat?

Eh, honestly the best part was the non-canonically gay detective couple wielding dual mustaches.
I’m living for those bears.

Can you call them beards if they only have mustaches?

B.E.A.R. not B.E.A.R.D
a very important distinction for a gay man.
come on Alan

Aren’t beards when. Oh. Nope. I remembered the definition now.

Just like this movie, cis straight white men are ruining this chat (edited)

Don’t edit that!

I own this chat and I will edit as I see fit.
Also, come on. urban dictionary. It’s not hard

You said it earlier. If that movie were made today in America, there would be a lot of man kissing.

Oh hell yes. Those detectives. Simon Pegg and TrademarkSidekickDanny also share a very good kiss opportunity to up the horny factor.
As it stands there was only one kiss in this movie and it was the most convincing part!!
* wink *

Maybe that’s why Dorris is so horny? She can’t get around if no one’s biting.

We don’t actually see her get any. That’s a job for the fanfiction community!

Alright, we’ve talked about Kevin Smith and George Clooney long enough.
We need to get back on this.

Enough is never enough, Alan.

Fine. It’s late. I’m babysitting a teen and you gotta go. Give me your elevator pitch for this movie as fast as you can. First person to post it wins. 3, 2, 1, GO!

THis movie funny. Simon Pegg in it. Ugh. Cops. A swan. Just watch it’s not Netflix.
**on Netflix

It’s a movie about a cop that kicks butt, but it’s a comedy and they make a ton of 90s movie references, but all the real references are in the background and unnoticable excecpt by avid fans which will keep it going.

I did a bad job, but still won!

Now please leave my friend’s apartment.

If you haven’t had enough and want to yell at us, you can find us on Twitter.
Ray is @mrunladylike and I’m @JAlanMathewsJr.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *