In the ramp up to the Game of Thrones Season 5 premiere on April 12, Geekly Inc is doing character-centered recaps as well as a short recap of Season 4.

---

 Stannis Baratheon

Stannis, Selyse, Davos, Melisandre, and company are having a nice night, as the fires consuming Axell Florent and several others burns bright and lights up the beach. Stannis wants to win, by any means necessary and, if that means burning his brother in law alive, then so be it.  Yikes.  Selyse is happy for her brother because being burned means he will be with the Red God.  Stannis still doesn’t like Selys and definitely doesn’t like it when she says things about their daughter at dinner because Shireen refuses to convert.  Selys thinks it would help if Melisandre talked to Shireen and Stannis agrees.  Melisandre’s like “dafuq?”

Later, Stannis tells Davos to read a letter (since he is now literate) and tell him what Davos thinks about it. The letter is about Joffrey’s death – the credit of which Stannis gives to Melisandre.  Davos is like “meh…its coincidental but I’m not sold on it.”  When Davos suggests hiring mercenaries to launch an attack, Stannis says “HELL NAW”. But Stannis also knows that time is running out and he doesn’t want to “become a page in someone else’s history book” – he needs to do something and fast.

Davos and Stannis sail to Braavos to meet with the representatives of the Iron Bank of Braavos.  They meet with Tycho Nestoris (where is his HAT??) and Tycho is pretty dismissive at first, talking about what Tywin and the crew say about Stannis (he’s a disgruntled uncle who wants the throne from his nephew), his small army, and depleting funds.  Stannis seems pretty defeated but Davos is like fuck that. Davos tells Tycho to get his mind right because Stannis is the only one who will be able to repay the debts back, his own and those of the throne.  Who they gonna call when old Tywin dies and the Lannisters don’t know what to do? Stannis, that’s who.  The bankers are like “FINE…we will give you the money. Stop telling us about how much you love Stannis.”

Next time we see Stannis, Jon is “negotiating” with Mance, who initially thinks Jon has brought the Night’s Watch with him to attack the wildlings but Jon denies this and they both go outside to see what’s up.  They see Stannis’ army cutting down Mance’s army and Mance is forced to surrender. When Stannis is introduced as the King of the Seven Kingdoms, Mance tells him that they are outside of the Seven Kingdoms.  When Stannis demands Mance kneel in front of him, Mance says “nah brah”.  Jon introduces himself as Ned’s bastard and throws his support behind Stannis because Ned died fighting for Stannis’ claim.  Stannis asks Jon what Ned would’ve done with Mance, so Jon tells him that Ned would’ve taken Mance prisoner and listened to what he had to say; Stannis agrees. Jon also tells Stannis to burn all the dead before nightfall. Stannis later attends the funeral of the fallen brothers of the Watch, where Melisandre seems very keen on Jon, watching him through the fires.

Theon “Reek” Greyjoy

Theon is now Reek and helping Ramsay as a servant – he does whatever Ramsay wants whether it is shaving him or accompanying him on a human hunt. Yeah…so Ramsay and Myranda are hunting Tansy and Reek is assisting them.  Myranda shoot Tansy with an arrow and Ramsay asks Reek to check whether it was a good shot.  Reek tells them it is, addressing Ramsay as “Master” and Myranda as “My Lady”. As Tansy asks why they are doing this to her, Ramsay orders his dogs to attack Tansy. You can see the horror etched in Reek’s face, as the dogs tear Tansy apart. It was ruff.

Roose is back and Ramsay brings Reek out to show his father.  Instead of praising him, Roose chides Ramsay for treating Reek poorly. Roose hopes to use Theon to trade for Moat Cailin, which is occupied by ironborns. Ramsay wants to demonstrate to his father just how submissive Theon is as Reek. Ramsay has Reek tell Roose that he didn’t kill Bran and Rickon and that they could be with Jon at the Wall. While Reek is shaving Ramsay with sharp knife very close to his neck, he tells Reek that Robb is dead. You can tell Reek trying to process this terrible news through his broken mind – you even think for a second that maybe he will cut Ramsay’s neck – but he just goes back to shaving him.

Next, we see Yara riling up the ironborns for a mission to rescue Theon from the Boltons.  The ironborns get inside the Dreadfort and find Theon in the room that also holds the dogs but he is so broken and terrified that he does not want to go. Hearing him scream that he knows who he is and that he is Reek was so so so heartbreaking. As the ironborns fight against Ramsay and his men, Theon bites Yara’s hand and runs back to his cage. Yara escapes and Ramsay rewards Reek for his loyalty – a bath.  Ramsay also has a mission for Reek; a demonstration of his love for Ramsay.  Reek is to pretend to be someone else in order to get a castle…he is to pretend to be Theon Greyjoy.

Ramsay preps Reek one last time about what he’s supposed to do/say and Reek ride out to the gates of Moat Cailin. He almost blows his cover when they ask him for his name, but he regains composure. As he enters, he sees that there are only a few men left, and they are diseased and starved.  He tells the men there that he is Prince Theon. He also tells them that he has been a prisoner of the Boltons and been sent to them as an envoy. After he reads them the terms of surrender, the man in command calls Reek out and says that he isn’t a true ironborn. Reek seems to be in a pickle until one of the other men kills the man in command (much like when Dagmer knocked out Theon in Season 2) and accepts the surrender terms. However, the Boltons kill all the ironborns, contrary to the surrender terms, and Ramsay tells Reek that he never intended to let them go.

Ramsay presents Roose with the Greyjoy flag that flew over Moat Cailin. Roose is clearly please because he presents Ramsay with a decree of legitimization, which makes Ramsay an official member of House Bolton and the heir to the position of the Warden of the North.

Daenerys Targaryen

Daenerys sits around a lot and things go wrong for her.  The end.

Okay fine. I’ll do a longer recap of all the sitting around Dany did.  Get off my back.

Dany is just hanging out with her dragons (they are getting purty big), petting Drogon’s head while Rhaegal and Viserion fight over a dead lamb…you know, regular pet owner things. Drogon decides that he also wants a piece of that yummy lamb and when Dany tries to calm him down, Drogon snaps at her.  She is visibly shaken that one of her “children” would snap at her. Girl, they are dragons. You can somewhat tame them but they are not domesticated! Didn’t you learn anything in your biology classes? SMH.

Daario has the hots for Dany and Grey Worm has the hots for Missandei. Cuties. On the road to Meereen, Dario also approaches her with flowers from the surrounding lands and explains to her that she cannot expect to rule a land without knowing the land and its inhabitants/environment itself. Sound advise.

As they close to Meereen, they see slave children that have been crucified in a position where they hand points to the direction of Meereen; 163 slaves in total. This horrifies Dany, and rightly so. She wants to look upon each and every face and then wants each of them be buried and their collars removed.  When they arrive at Meereen, they are challenged with a champions duel and she chooses Daario Naharis to fight for her (only because Barristan, Mormont, and Greyworm were too important to her).  Daario kills his opponent pretty quickly and Dany speaks to the slaves of the city. She then has the unsullied catapult the collars and chains of the slaves she has freed in other cities. During the night, she send Greyworm to sneak into Meereen and start a slave revolt. Her plan works and the slaves overthrow their masters. They open the gates to Dany, who orders 163 of the Great Masters to be crucified similarly to the slave children she encountered on the road.

She later learns from that the Wise Masters had re-established slavery in Yunkai and the council she had set up in Astapor had been overthrown by a butcher named Cleon. This news devastates her and she questions her ability to rule the Seven Kingdoms when she can’t even rule the 3 cities of Salver’s Bay. She decides to stick around Meereen to figure things out instead of using the Meereenese navy to sail to Kings Landing.

Dany sets up court in order to hear from her new subjects. She is visited by many people: goatherds who have had their sheep eaten/destroyed by her dragons, Hizdahr zo Loraq whose father she had crucified, and many more. Later she is visited by a man who was a teacher under the Great Masters but now is homeless and jobless. Through the conversation with him, she begins to realise that her answering “justice with justice” is not a catch all that works for everyone and she is crestfallen that some people are coming to see her to ask to go back to working for their former masters.

Guess who bones down? Daario and Dany. Oh yeahhhhhhhhh. And who bumps into Daario the morning after? Jorah Mormont. Awkward.

She is sending Daario and the Second Sons to retake Yunkai. Jorah tries to protest her order to kill every Wise Master to make sure slavery is truly ended – he tells her that he wouldn’t be where he is today had Ned Stark’s had succeeded in executing him for selling slaves. He tries to tell her that there is good and evil on all sides and he seems to succeed – she tells him to let Daario know that she changed her mind. The new plan is for Daario to take Hizdar to Yunkai and let the Wise Masters know that they could either “live in her new world or die in their old one”.

Missandei and Dany talk about Greyworm fancying Missandei and whether Greyworm is all castrated or he has either the pillar or the stones left. LOL.

Yeh guyz. Barristan found out that Jorah was spying on Dany and tells on him. When Jorah enters the throne room, Dany is hoppin’ mad. She’s like “WTF dude. You been telling the Lannisters about me? I thought we were bros!” Jorah tries to calm her, tell her that he stopped doing it, and beg for forgiveness. Dany says “you gottsa go”; she spares his life but tells him he has one day to leave Meereen and that if he is seen in the city after that, he will be executed. Jorah is a sad puppy and leaves the city.

So, her dragons have moved on from eating sheep to eating kids. Big step up. Drogon has killed a shepherd’s 3 year old daughter and taken off. Dany talks to Missandei and Greyworm about what to do with her “children”, when the latter tells her that Drogon took off 3 days ago and has not been seen since.  Later, she takes her two remaining dragons to the catacombs, puts iron collars around their necks, and leaves them there. As she leaves and shuts the door, the dragons are screaming out to her and trying to free themselves to follow her. This scene makes me really sad because I can’t help but imagine those dang dragons as my dogs and I imagine how sad it would be if I had to leave my dogs somewhere and leave. Brb. Crying.

Honourable Mention: Brienne of Tarth

Brienne has a new Valyrian steel blade and armor and she’s off to keep her (and help keep Jaime’s) oath to Catelyn. Brienne and Podrick adventuring together was so awesome and funny. What was your favourite scene? When Pod tries to cook the rabbit without skinning it?

Or when Pod has a hard time controlling his horse? Or when Pod loses Arya because he’s watching Brienne in case she needs help? Or when Brienne has a hard time undoing her armor and finally asks for Pod’s help?

Or when they run into Hot Pie and he tells them the secrets to making the perfect kidney pie? HOT PIE!! He is so good at baking direwolf shaped bread now!! Yay Hot Pie!

RIP Pyp and Grenn

I love the scene of Grenn rallying his men to hold the gate.  Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KofsFArQNyY

Next: A short Season 4 recap