‘Tis the season for family reunions, fa la la la la la
This recap obviously contains spoilers from Season 6 Episode 4.
Jon is getting his stuff together in preparation to leave Castle Black. Edd reminds him that the real war is coming and chastises Jon for deciding to leave when he is needed the most. Jon reminds him that his own brothers killed him and he cannot stay there after what happened – he pledged his life to the Night’s Watch and he gave his life for it. Right then, there is a sharp blast from a horn, just one blast though; more than one blast means it’s wildlings or white walkers. The gates to Castle Black open and in trot Sansa, Brienne, and Pod. Tormund is instantly captivated by Brienne. Jon and Sansa see each other after a long ass time – each is the only family the other has seen in so long. They hug each other and I cried. Jon and Sansa reminisce about their lives in Winterfell and Sansa apologizes for being terrible to Jon when she was younger. Sansa asks Jon where he will go and he says they will go wherever, together. Sansa makes a case for Winterfell and taking it back from the Boltons but Jon is so tired of fighting and killing. Sansa reminds him that as long as the Boltons have the North, they will never be safe. She wants Jon’s help but she’ll try to do it on her own if he’s not willing to help.
Melisandre now follows Jon because he is the Prince that was Promised. Davos is like “umm…that’s totally what you said about Stannis, too” and asks her what actually happened during the battle that led to Stannis’ death, especially what happened with Shireen. Brienne walks up to them and tells them that right before she executed Stanis, he admitted to using blood magic to kill Renly.
Man, sweet Robin is still terrible at life and can’t shoot an arrow right to save his life. Petyr is back in the Vale with a gift for Robin: a falcon. Lord Yohn Royce tries to confront Petyr about Sansa’s marriage to Ramsay but Petyr turns it around on Royce by saying Petyr only told Royce about the details of their trip but, somehow, the Boltons heard about their plans, stopped them, and took Sansa away with them. Since Royce was the only one in the know, clearly Royce must have notified the Boltons. Robin is quiet ready to make Royce fly, but Petyr convinces Robin to give him another chance on the condition of his absolute loyalty. Petyr also manages to gently lead Robin into pledging to come to Sansa’s aid.
Tyrion has invited the representatives of Yukai, Astapor, and Volantis to come speak with him. Missandei and Grey Worm are not about that life – they want to use force not diplomacy. Tyrion tells them “you make peace with your enemies, not your friends.” He also reminds them he himself had been a slave for a whole day so he totally gets it, but Missandei tells him he knows about slavery but he does not actually understand slavery. Tension is high at the meeting with the representatives – the representatives, Missandei, and Grey Worm exchanging heated words. Tyrion tries to calm them down and sets forth his proposal: Meereen will never have slaves, but the rest of the cities will get a period of seven years to phase out slavery. The slave owners will get money for the slaves they will be losing at a price that they will set. In return, the Masters will stop funding the Sons of the Harpy. When the representatives protest saying they don’t fund them, Tyrion says, “okay okay but you stop funding them anyway.” And as a thank you, Tyrion gifts them each a lady.
The freed slaves of Meereen are not happy about Tyrion wining and dining the representatives of the Masters, nor do they trust Tyrion to tell them why he did it. They instead ask Grey Worm and Missandei whether they agree with what Tyrion is doing. Both grudgingly say they do and that they should give the peace treaty a chance. This doesn’t mean that the two believe in Tyrion’s plans. They have a hard time grasping Tyrion’s plan and vice versa, because neither side really knows what the other knows. Missandei and Grey Worm actually know and understand what it’s like to be a slave and, therefore, see the seven years phasing-out period to still be a long time for a slave. It’s better to free the slaves now, whether it means using force. Tyrion, however, knows that people like the Masters won’t do something unless it’s in their interest, and getting paid for the freed slaves at a price they set is definitely in their interest. It’s seven years but it’s better for the long term goal of getting the slaves freed. Even though Tyrion assures them that he does not trust the Masters, Grey Worm warns him that the Masters will use Tyrion for their own good.
Jorah and Daario are trekking through the land, headed to Vaes Dothrak. It’s like so hot and they’re hiking/walking, they should’ve definitely taken their shirts off. Just sayin’. Greyscale must be taking a toll on Jorah, he seems a little worse for wear. Daario takes note of Jorah’s fatigue and jokes that Jorah definitely could not handle Dany in bed because Daario can barely handle her sometimes. Daario is just antagonizing Jorah, but he doesn’t actually want to fight him. They’ve finally made it to Vaes Dothrak, but because weapons are not allowed in Vaes Dothrak, they must leave all of their weapons and pretend to be traders instead. When Jorah holds his hand out for Daario’s knife, he sees the greyscale on Jorah’s hand. Inside Vaes Dothrak, it’s your usual Dothakri party with drinking, fighting, and fucking. They come across two dudes and try to play like they’re traders, but the dudes do not believe them. Daario takes off after the guy who ran to raise the alarm and takes care of him, while Jorah is having a real hard time fighting off the other dude. Seems like the other dude is going to off Jorah, but Daario stabs him with his knife with a lady-shaped handle. Leaving a body with a stab wound will raise questions and alarm, so Daario smashes the dude’s head with a huge rock a bunch of times – way more than necessary, IMO.
Inside the Dosh Khaleen, the crones are hanging out and the main crone is telling Dany how some Dothraki don’t think they should marry outside their tribe but don’t realize that their own blood is diluted. She also tells Dany that she better hope that she is allowed in because otherwise her fate would be waaaay worse. Dany makes the excuse of having to pee to go get some air. She is escorted by a young Khaleesi – they talk a little and Dany laments that the other Khaleesi’s husband didn’t die sooner than he did. When they’re a good distance from the buildings, Daario and Jorah burst from the shadows and Daario subdues the other Khaleesi’s screams. Dany tells them to chill because she got other plans, bros!
There’s a huge bug in Margaery’s cell but she is beyond caring. Septa Unella takes her to the High Sparrow, who, after being impressed by hew knowledge of the Book of the Stranger, tells her a tale about his own life, one in which he was vain and materialistic. He tells her about waking up one morning after a particularly raucous, indulgent party and realizing that the life he was living was wrong. He left his old life and started a new, religious one. Okay so, if you want to be super religious and pious, that’s your deal but trying to get everyone else to conform to what you think life should entail is real terrible. You are Judgy McJudgeface and I hate you. After telling Marg this story, he takes her to see Loras, who is beaten and bruised. He is so ready to give up because he just wants this terrible saga to end, but Marg tries to talk him into being strong. We will see if that will work.
Grand Maester Pycelle is attempting to counsel Tommen, when Cersei walks in and shoos him away. Tommen is so nervous about the High Sparrow – he thinks they need to be careful with him and be delicate with what they plan to do. Cersei reminds him of the way she was treated at the hands of the High Sparrow and uses his love for Marg to convince Tommen that the High Sparrow doesn’t respect anyone. Tommen tells Cersei a secret that the High Sparrow shared with him, and Cersei goes straight to the Small Council meeting with it. Initially, Kevan and Olenna are like “not this shit again,” but Cersei gets them to listen. She relays to them the secret Tommen heard from the High Sparrow: Marg was to make the walk of atonement. Olenna is like OH HELL NO. Kevan’s hands are tied as Tommen has told the Lannister and Baratheon armies to stand down, but Jaime has another plan. How about the Tyrell army marches on King’s Landing, defeats the Faith Militant, and reads the Book of the Stranger to the High Sparrow aka finishes him? That way, it won’t seem like the King sanctioned the fight and the result will still be what they want: the defeat of the High Sparrow. Kevan is finally persuaded when Cersei reminds him of his own son, Lancel. There might be a civil war as a result and deaths for sure, but as Olenna puts it, “better them than us”. Dat Rains of Castamere in the background.
Theon is finally back in Pyke and walks into the castle, where he finds a glum Yara. She is mad at him for being the way he is, for causing the deaths of her men in his botched rescue attempt. She knows he is broken, but now wants to know why he is back. He is not there for the King’s Moot – he is there to help her be the ruler of the Iron Islands.
Ramsay summons Osha and seems to be amused by the conversation they have: she asks if they eat the people they flay, he says no, and she says she’s seen worse. Her lie about protecting Rickon in order to sell him to the right buyer seems to be working. He seems to be turned on by her seductive ways, tells her she’s a way better conversationalist than Theon. The whole time she is trying to grab the knife on the table. BUT, Theon did have useful things he told Ramsay – like the truth about Bran and Rickon and who helped them escape. Right then, she grabs a hold of the knife but, of course, killing Ramsay can’t be THIS easy. So, Ramsay stabs her in the neck instead and she bleeds to death. RIP Tonks.
Guess who is crushing hard on Brienne? Tormund, that’s who. If a boy looked at me the way he was looking at Brienne while he bit into that piece of bread…*swoon*. Edd apologizes for the quality of food at the Wall, but Sansa doesn’t mind, which is a testament to how far she has come as a person. A letter arrives for the Lord Commander; Jon says he’s not the Lord Commander anymore but takes the letter regardless. It’s from Ramsay, saying that he has Rickon and his dead direwolf, and that he wants his wife back. If he doesn’t get what he wants, he threatens to ride North, attack Castle Black, and…Jon can’t read anymore, but Sansa takes the letter and reads the rest of the terribleness. The letter is signed “Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North,” and this does not sit well with Jon. Sansa knows that if Ramsay is the Lord of Winterfell, that must mean that he killed Roose. Even with the wildlings, they don’t have the numbers to match the Boltons. Sansa urges Jon to face the truth: Ramsay has Rickon and the North, and they need to go get both back. Jon finally relents and agrees.
During the Khalar Vezhven, where the Khals make their important decisions, Khal Maro decides not to do anything about finding the killer of the dude Daario smashed up. Dany is brought before them and they start arguing about what to do with her but she interjects, asking if they want to know what she thinks. She reminds them that in the same temple that they were all in, Khal Drogo promised to go to Westeros and retake the Iron Throne, but what had the current Khals been doing instead – raiding and pillaging? She tells them that they are all small men, not worthy of leading the Dothrakis, but you know who is? DAENERYS FUCKIN’ TARGARYEN. She then knocks over the braziers, which lights the temple on fire. The men try to scramble to the door but it’s blocked from the outside. Outside, the Dothrakis gather around the burning temple and, after the door burns down, they see Dany emerge from the flames, unscathed. They all bow down to her (including the people seeing the back of the temple and have no idea what the heck is going on up front). Oh, Jorah and Daario also bow down.
Next week: The Door